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Authors: Arwen Rich
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about my size.
But even worse than that was being ignored. I felt invisible sometimes. I'd find myself walking down the street, crossing paths with an attractive guy, and while I'd be checking him out, his eyes would slide over me as if I didn't exist. It wasn't exactly a self-esteem booster.
I was too nervous to call Heath and see him before the festival. I decided to just take a walk down the main street, and do some reminiscing until nightfall.
It was strange, wandering along the boulevard that I used to frequent as a teenager. It seemed as if it hadn't changed. I realized suddenly, as I reached the end of the main street, how small the town really was. Aside from the rows of little shops along the main street, and the mall behind it, there was very little else to see. The main street was surrounded by the residential estate, where most of the population lived, and then the estate was surrounded by farms, which ended at the national forest. The forest through which Heath and I used to run in wolf form. Where the ceremony would take place that night.
I missed this place, I realized.
The simplicity. And the nearness to nature. In the city that I'd moved to, I had to drive for an hour to reach the forest that I explored each full moon.
With all this mulling in my mind, I turned and decided to walk back along the main street, to absorb it all over again.
And what I saw, as I turned, nearly made my heart stop.
Heath.
He hadn't seen me. He was crossing the street, and I caught a glimpse of his face, bright eyes and stubbled jawline, before he turned in the opposite direction. His erect posture and loping gait was instantly recognizable. Strength emanated from the broad swell of his back.
A shiver went down my spine, and I stood there, frozen with indecision for a moment. I wanted to call out to him, but the nerves were kindling inside me again.
As he reached the other side of the road, I took a breath to call his name. But as I began to mouth the word, a woman shot from the darkness of a building and ran to his side. She was slim and beautiful. Long, blonde hair fell like silk to her shoulders. She embraced him, and my shout died in my throat. I froze up.
And then I turned and left. Returned to my motel.
I knew that if I went over to speak to him, the disappointment would have been written all over my face. I had hoped, deep down, that he had asked me to come as more than a friend. I had some delusional hope that a romance would finally be kindled between us.
I was dreaming. Just like always.
Back at the motel, I lay in bed and considered getting a flight back home. As selfish as it was, I didn't know whether I could face Heath with the slim, beautiful woman that I had seen him holding.
It was such a strange feeling, to be gripped once again with the pain of this crush. I thought I had smothered it down inside myself over the intervening years. But returning to this place brought it all crashing back.
I had been in relationships since I moved away from my hometown. They were just never serious. I always knew they had an expiry date. Heath had always been there, visiting my dreams. Shining in my mind like the moon on a lake. His image would dissipate briefly during a relationship, but when it was over and the ripples settled once more inside me, his face would be back. It was as if some part of me, deep down, knew that we were meant to be together.
I had to leave. Get a plane back home. It would hurt too much to see Heath with someone else. I picked up my mobile phone and began to dial the number for a taxi. But as I did, the phone beeped in my hand, making me jump.
A text message.
I stopped dialing and opened the message. It was Heath.
Hope you're coming tonight, it read. I can't wait to see you.
Once again I was frozen with indecision. Going to the ceremony tonight would be painful. But I didn't want to let Heath down. This was an important night for him, becoming alpha of the pack.
After reading the text
But even worse than that was being ignored. I felt invisible sometimes. I'd find myself walking down the street, crossing paths with an attractive guy, and while I'd be checking him out, his eyes would slide over me as if I didn't exist. It wasn't exactly a self-esteem booster.
I was too nervous to call Heath and see him before the festival. I decided to just take a walk down the main street, and do some reminiscing until nightfall.
It was strange, wandering along the boulevard that I used to frequent as a teenager. It seemed as if it hadn't changed. I realized suddenly, as I reached the end of the main street, how small the town really was. Aside from the rows of little shops along the main street, and the mall behind it, there was very little else to see. The main street was surrounded by the residential estate, where most of the population lived, and then the estate was surrounded by farms, which ended at the national forest. The forest through which Heath and I used to run in wolf form. Where the ceremony would take place that night.
I missed this place, I realized.
The simplicity. And the nearness to nature. In the city that I'd moved to, I had to drive for an hour to reach the forest that I explored each full moon.
With all this mulling in my mind, I turned and decided to walk back along the main street, to absorb it all over again.
And what I saw, as I turned, nearly made my heart stop.
Heath.
He hadn't seen me. He was crossing the street, and I caught a glimpse of his face, bright eyes and stubbled jawline, before he turned in the opposite direction. His erect posture and loping gait was instantly recognizable. Strength emanated from the broad swell of his back.
A shiver went down my spine, and I stood there, frozen with indecision for a moment. I wanted to call out to him, but the nerves were kindling inside me again.
As he reached the other side of the road, I took a breath to call his name. But as I began to mouth the word, a woman shot from the darkness of a building and ran to his side. She was slim and beautiful. Long, blonde hair fell like silk to her shoulders. She embraced him, and my shout died in my throat. I froze up.
And then I turned and left. Returned to my motel.
I knew that if I went over to speak to him, the disappointment would have been written all over my face. I had hoped, deep down, that he had asked me to come as more than a friend. I had some delusional hope that a romance would finally be kindled between us.
I was dreaming. Just like always.
Back at the motel, I lay in bed and considered getting a flight back home. As selfish as it was, I didn't know whether I could face Heath with the slim, beautiful woman that I had seen him holding.
It was such a strange feeling, to be gripped once again with the pain of this crush. I thought I had smothered it down inside myself over the intervening years. But returning to this place brought it all crashing back.
I had been in relationships since I moved away from my hometown. They were just never serious. I always knew they had an expiry date. Heath had always been there, visiting my dreams. Shining in my mind like the moon on a lake. His image would dissipate briefly during a relationship, but when it was over and the ripples settled once more inside me, his face would be back. It was as if some part of me, deep down, knew that we were meant to be together.
I had to leave. Get a plane back home. It would hurt too much to see Heath with someone else. I picked up my mobile phone and began to dial the number for a taxi. But as I did, the phone beeped in my hand, making me jump.
A text message.
I stopped dialing and opened the message. It was Heath.
Hope you're coming tonight, it read. I can't wait to see you.
Once again I was frozen with indecision. Going to the ceremony tonight would be painful. But I didn't want to let Heath down. This was an important night for him, becoming alpha of the pack.
After reading the text
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