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Authors: Olivia Grace
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about Justin, realizing that Justin’s positive effect on my life had spiraled from the affirmative pedestal that I had him on down to a negative hell. This cyber guy had me in such an emotional funk that I was losing track of my priorities. First, I was willing to lose Tyler because of him, and now I was about to fail. He wasn’t even there for me anymore. He was gone. The only time that I was with him was on stage when I danced and allowed thoughts of him to help me to be the sexual person needed to attain substantial tips for the night. But I’d be damned if I’d lowered myself to a twenty buck lap dancing whore to pay for classes that I only ended up failing because my mind was too wrapped up in Mr. Catfish.
Professor Spencer’s hand on my shoulder brought me out of my self-condemning trance. I brought my eyes to his, only to find him staring back at me. The tension between the two of us was suffocating. I know that this tension was only in my head. I was sure that Professor Spencer didn’t feel tension. He only felt the goose bumps sheltered by the tee shirt that I was wearing.
“Come to my nine o’clock class Wednesday morning. I will let you take it again.”
I was speechless and didn’t understand his kind gesture.
“Okay?” He insisted with a stunning smile that curled at the end of his succulent lips.
“Okay,” I breathed. Nervously clearing my throat, I said, “Thank you, Professor Spencer.”
He stood slowly. I had to step back to avoid my chest brushing against his as he did. “You’re welcome. See you Wednesday.”
I fought the urge to stay trapped and hypnotized by his smell. Mentally, I kicked myself in the ass and hightailed it out of that lecture hall.
Tyler’s shift at the mill wasn’t ending until nine that evening. Then, Lincoln offered to give him a ride home. Therefore, after purchasing a large iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, with an added shot of espresso, I curled up in the bed of the truck with my Psychology notebook and studied for hours. I needed to remember what was important, what I was butt naked for every night in the lap of a strange guy. I needed to break through this heartbreak and yearning for a guy that probably didn’t even exist and remember my dreams. After my Aunt Mary committed suicide last year, all I wanted to do was become a therapist so that I could help other women battle depression. My mother’s sister fought the battle for years, losing the fight in a bottle of prescription medication at the age of thirty two.
As I sat in the hot interior of the truck that lacked air conditioning, I engulfed myself in what had to be my future to make this all worth it. Sure, thoughts of him, the yearning to hear that chime, regretfully came to mind. But I had to fight those obsessive demons and realize that life had to go on. Though Justin once appeared to be the most important entity in my life, I could no longer allow that fictitious love and lust to stronghold my reality.
* * * *
Three hours later, I was enticing Ginger to come out and show her face as I walked through the dressing room doors of Pink Rhino. The familiar smell hit me. It was a mixture of perfume and crotch.
I tried to avoid the scrutinizing eyeballs that Midnight was giving me. She hadn’t been giving me too hard of time. But her hard exterior was so gawd damn confusing. She was like a drill sergeant that patted my head with a wink when she saw me making money, but whipped me back into fearing her with a harsh look and tone here and there.
“What’s wrong, New Pussy?” I could hear the hard click clack of her heels approaching me as I opened my locker.
By the looks of it, Rainy hadn’t made it in yet.
“I’m not feeling well,” I shot over my shoulder. “I might go home.”
I really wasn’t. But I wasn’t suffering a physical pain. I missed Sabrina’s loud obnoxiousness. Since her license was suspended, she was no longer my cabby. Plus, with a broken nose, her cockiness had faded
Professor Spencer’s hand on my shoulder brought me out of my self-condemning trance. I brought my eyes to his, only to find him staring back at me. The tension between the two of us was suffocating. I know that this tension was only in my head. I was sure that Professor Spencer didn’t feel tension. He only felt the goose bumps sheltered by the tee shirt that I was wearing.
“Come to my nine o’clock class Wednesday morning. I will let you take it again.”
I was speechless and didn’t understand his kind gesture.
“Okay?” He insisted with a stunning smile that curled at the end of his succulent lips.
“Okay,” I breathed. Nervously clearing my throat, I said, “Thank you, Professor Spencer.”
He stood slowly. I had to step back to avoid my chest brushing against his as he did. “You’re welcome. See you Wednesday.”
I fought the urge to stay trapped and hypnotized by his smell. Mentally, I kicked myself in the ass and hightailed it out of that lecture hall.
Tyler’s shift at the mill wasn’t ending until nine that evening. Then, Lincoln offered to give him a ride home. Therefore, after purchasing a large iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, with an added shot of espresso, I curled up in the bed of the truck with my Psychology notebook and studied for hours. I needed to remember what was important, what I was butt naked for every night in the lap of a strange guy. I needed to break through this heartbreak and yearning for a guy that probably didn’t even exist and remember my dreams. After my Aunt Mary committed suicide last year, all I wanted to do was become a therapist so that I could help other women battle depression. My mother’s sister fought the battle for years, losing the fight in a bottle of prescription medication at the age of thirty two.
As I sat in the hot interior of the truck that lacked air conditioning, I engulfed myself in what had to be my future to make this all worth it. Sure, thoughts of him, the yearning to hear that chime, regretfully came to mind. But I had to fight those obsessive demons and realize that life had to go on. Though Justin once appeared to be the most important entity in my life, I could no longer allow that fictitious love and lust to stronghold my reality.
* * * *
Three hours later, I was enticing Ginger to come out and show her face as I walked through the dressing room doors of Pink Rhino. The familiar smell hit me. It was a mixture of perfume and crotch.
I tried to avoid the scrutinizing eyeballs that Midnight was giving me. She hadn’t been giving me too hard of time. But her hard exterior was so gawd damn confusing. She was like a drill sergeant that patted my head with a wink when she saw me making money, but whipped me back into fearing her with a harsh look and tone here and there.
“What’s wrong, New Pussy?” I could hear the hard click clack of her heels approaching me as I opened my locker.
By the looks of it, Rainy hadn’t made it in yet.
“I’m not feeling well,” I shot over my shoulder. “I might go home.”
I really wasn’t. But I wasn’t suffering a physical pain. I missed Sabrina’s loud obnoxiousness. Since her license was suspended, she was no longer my cabby. Plus, with a broken nose, her cockiness had faded
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