want to hurt her. Neither did he want to take advantage of her. He cared for her, was enchanted by her, but he didn't love her. At least, he didn't think he did. He couldn't let himself love anyone, not even a nice girl like Billie. Love made too many demands and got in the way of plans and dreams. Seth loved him, too much, and the responsibility of that love prevented him from pursuing something he wanted very badly. He didn't need or want another tie or obligation to anyone, not even Billie.
Besides, she was one of those nice girls who would never understand that a guy could mess around and not want anything lasting or permanent. He'd have to stop seeing so much of her. She was getting under his skin and it was becoming more and more difficult to put honor and respect first. He should see other women, women who weren't so nice and didn't have any
{43}
false illusions. Women who wouldn't be hurt by an occasional roll in the hay and who wouldn't expect marriage in return for virginity.
When Moss released Billie, he saw the tears in her eyes. "Hey, don't ever cry for me, Billie." And then he was gone.
Billie sat on her bed for a long, long time, warm tears trickling down her cheeks. How could she not cry for Moss? He wanted to be in the Pacific, flying into battle, risking his life. Why couldn't he want her that much? If he did, he'd never want to leave her.
BiUie came instantly awake and knew what day it was. Graduation. Her sleepy eyes went to the hook on the back of the closet door where her dress hung. It was beautiful, almost a bridal dress, virginal in its whiteness. The thought suddenly annoyed her. Perhaps she should have threaded some of the eyelet with a colored ribbon or made a colored sash. It wasn't too late; she still had all day. She decided a colored sash was the answer. She'd wear the completed white one for the graduation ceremonies and change to the pastel one for the dance. It would hardly take ten minutes to whip up on the machine. That's what she would do. She wanted to stand out from the other girls, to look just a little different, for Moss.
This was a night she wanted him to remember, herself a vision that he could take with him when he left. How long would she have him with her? Not very long, she realized. For weeks he'd been filled with the news of the Enterprise and its part in the battle of Midway. It made Moss "chomp at the bit," as he called it, to get into the fray before it was over. If only it was over, all of it; then he wouldn't have to leave her.
Billie felt she didn't really understand Moss Coleman any better than on the first day she'd met him more than a month ago. This was already June. June was a month for brides. Yesterday she'd heard that two of her classmates were marrying before their men shipped out. Simple, hurried ceremonies with only family present.
Billie ached.
By the middle of July Tim would be gone. The other boys would soon follow. Her girlfriends were going off to college and she herself was to leave for Penn State at the end of August. Everyone promised to write everyone, but Billie knew that soon each would find a life and interests of his own. Slowly but surely the letters would cease. Oh, they'd see one another over
{44}
the holidays or during the summer, but this part of their lives was over. God alone knew when they'd see any of the boys again, if ever. It was sad and it made tonight seem even more special.
There was going to be an all-night party at a classmate's after the dance. Agnes had already given permission for her to stay out until after the champagne breakfast the parents planned to serve. Billie giggled to herself. The poor girl. Billie knew for a fact that most of the couples had other plans. Oh, they'd make an appearance at the party, but then they'd leave. That's exactly what she'd like to do, only she didn't know how to broach the subject with Moss. She knew he'd be bored. Maybe she could suggest driving up to Atlantic City. They could
Besides, she was one of those nice girls who would never understand that a guy could mess around and not want anything lasting or permanent. He'd have to stop seeing so much of her. She was getting under his skin and it was becoming more and more difficult to put honor and respect first. He should see other women, women who weren't so nice and didn't have any
{43}
false illusions. Women who wouldn't be hurt by an occasional roll in the hay and who wouldn't expect marriage in return for virginity.
When Moss released Billie, he saw the tears in her eyes. "Hey, don't ever cry for me, Billie." And then he was gone.
Billie sat on her bed for a long, long time, warm tears trickling down her cheeks. How could she not cry for Moss? He wanted to be in the Pacific, flying into battle, risking his life. Why couldn't he want her that much? If he did, he'd never want to leave her.
BiUie came instantly awake and knew what day it was. Graduation. Her sleepy eyes went to the hook on the back of the closet door where her dress hung. It was beautiful, almost a bridal dress, virginal in its whiteness. The thought suddenly annoyed her. Perhaps she should have threaded some of the eyelet with a colored ribbon or made a colored sash. It wasn't too late; she still had all day. She decided a colored sash was the answer. She'd wear the completed white one for the graduation ceremonies and change to the pastel one for the dance. It would hardly take ten minutes to whip up on the machine. That's what she would do. She wanted to stand out from the other girls, to look just a little different, for Moss.
This was a night she wanted him to remember, herself a vision that he could take with him when he left. How long would she have him with her? Not very long, she realized. For weeks he'd been filled with the news of the Enterprise and its part in the battle of Midway. It made Moss "chomp at the bit," as he called it, to get into the fray before it was over. If only it was over, all of it; then he wouldn't have to leave her.
Billie felt she didn't really understand Moss Coleman any better than on the first day she'd met him more than a month ago. This was already June. June was a month for brides. Yesterday she'd heard that two of her classmates were marrying before their men shipped out. Simple, hurried ceremonies with only family present.
Billie ached.
By the middle of July Tim would be gone. The other boys would soon follow. Her girlfriends were going off to college and she herself was to leave for Penn State at the end of August. Everyone promised to write everyone, but Billie knew that soon each would find a life and interests of his own. Slowly but surely the letters would cease. Oh, they'd see one another over
{44}
the holidays or during the summer, but this part of their lives was over. God alone knew when they'd see any of the boys again, if ever. It was sad and it made tonight seem even more special.
There was going to be an all-night party at a classmate's after the dance. Agnes had already given permission for her to stay out until after the champagne breakfast the parents planned to serve. Billie giggled to herself. The poor girl. Billie knew for a fact that most of the couples had other plans. Oh, they'd make an appearance at the party, but then they'd leave. That's exactly what she'd like to do, only she didn't know how to broach the subject with Moss. She knew he'd be bored. Maybe she could suggest driving up to Atlantic City. They could
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