at my age changed them. One day they are carefree and maybe a little broody because hormones do that to kids, but life isn’t as…heavy. Then the next day they’re all dreamy eyed and head over heels for some guy and then life gets complicated. I saw Emmy already headed down that path with Reed, even if she said it was just flirting. Since the party, their just flirting turned into a “just making out” and in a matter of days she had that dreamy eyed look and is fantasizing about her future with him. I was way too young for any of that, despite how my heart seemed to beat harder for Emmet than for anyone or anything else in the world. Despite the fact that I also felt that invisible…tether…
“I’m not ready for all of this,” I said to Emmet, and gently pushed his hand off of my cheek. “You were right. I’m too young and dumb for this, and I’m okay with that. I want to be young and dumb for a while.”
I stepped away from him and waited for his reaction. He looked pained and I felt bad. I loved Emmet, too and I would never want to hurt him, but I had to do the right thing. Not many girls my age were able to think clearly like that, especially after kissing a guy.
“Okay,” he breathed. He looked so disappointed. “I get it. I’ll take you home.”
He picked up his board and walked towards his car without looking back to see if I would follow.
Several months passed by and it had felt like a lifetime had slipped past us since Emmet had given me my first kiss in that empty parking lot, the same day my father overdosed and died. Much changed since that day. My dad’s death did something to my mother – like a good something. After my dad’s small funeral service, my mom checked herself into a hospital. She was in there for a month, and when she came out she returned there three times a week for therapy. She took care of herself now, and she tried to take care of me. I was spending more time at home and less time at the Graynes’, trying to get reacquainted with the mother that had been absent most of my life. I could have been a bitter teenager and rebelled against her, but I was a grateful teenager. I had a mother that really did love me underneath all of her grief and self-loathing, even if she was unable to verbalize it and another family that loved me like a daughter and sister – and…whatever I was to Emmet.
That tether never did go away and though we weren’t physically closer, as in we weren’t kissing, I felt closer to him on other levels. I could look at him without making any kind of expression and he could read my eyes and vice versa. Sometimes he looked at me like he wanted to kiss me, but he never tried. His eyes always said “I want to, but I won’t. I respect you.” We still hung out and skated together from time to time but we talked about trivial things or we were completely silent. At least we were friends, and for some time, we evaded the teenage angst that accompanies the relationships with the opposite sex, but we did not escape unscathed. Eventually, the angst caught up to us.
*~*~*
I could feel him coming down the hallway before I even looked up to see him. I told myself I wouldn’t even look, because what’s the point. I pulled my locker open and then I turned my head and looked. Through the crowded hallway and dozens of other students’ big heads, I meet Emmet’s eyes.
How does he do that? How do I do that?
It takes him a little while to get to me. Guys stopped him to shoot the shit. Girls stopped him to flirt and toss their stupid hair. A teacher stopped to flirt and toss her hair. Gross. Guess that’s the problem with being good looking, athletic, and intelligent.
The tether slackened some now as I felt him approaching me in the crowded hallway at school. Even though I’m chatting with a couple of girls from my Italian class, I turn around and look in Emmet’s direction expectantly. Emmy and I strong armed him into driving us to and from school when the
“I’m not ready for all of this,” I said to Emmet, and gently pushed his hand off of my cheek. “You were right. I’m too young and dumb for this, and I’m okay with that. I want to be young and dumb for a while.”
I stepped away from him and waited for his reaction. He looked pained and I felt bad. I loved Emmet, too and I would never want to hurt him, but I had to do the right thing. Not many girls my age were able to think clearly like that, especially after kissing a guy.
“Okay,” he breathed. He looked so disappointed. “I get it. I’ll take you home.”
He picked up his board and walked towards his car without looking back to see if I would follow.
Several months passed by and it had felt like a lifetime had slipped past us since Emmet had given me my first kiss in that empty parking lot, the same day my father overdosed and died. Much changed since that day. My dad’s death did something to my mother – like a good something. After my dad’s small funeral service, my mom checked herself into a hospital. She was in there for a month, and when she came out she returned there three times a week for therapy. She took care of herself now, and she tried to take care of me. I was spending more time at home and less time at the Graynes’, trying to get reacquainted with the mother that had been absent most of my life. I could have been a bitter teenager and rebelled against her, but I was a grateful teenager. I had a mother that really did love me underneath all of her grief and self-loathing, even if she was unable to verbalize it and another family that loved me like a daughter and sister – and…whatever I was to Emmet.
That tether never did go away and though we weren’t physically closer, as in we weren’t kissing, I felt closer to him on other levels. I could look at him without making any kind of expression and he could read my eyes and vice versa. Sometimes he looked at me like he wanted to kiss me, but he never tried. His eyes always said “I want to, but I won’t. I respect you.” We still hung out and skated together from time to time but we talked about trivial things or we were completely silent. At least we were friends, and for some time, we evaded the teenage angst that accompanies the relationships with the opposite sex, but we did not escape unscathed. Eventually, the angst caught up to us.
*~*~*
I could feel him coming down the hallway before I even looked up to see him. I told myself I wouldn’t even look, because what’s the point. I pulled my locker open and then I turned my head and looked. Through the crowded hallway and dozens of other students’ big heads, I meet Emmet’s eyes.
How does he do that? How do I do that?
It takes him a little while to get to me. Guys stopped him to shoot the shit. Girls stopped him to flirt and toss their stupid hair. A teacher stopped to flirt and toss her hair. Gross. Guess that’s the problem with being good looking, athletic, and intelligent.
The tether slackened some now as I felt him approaching me in the crowded hallway at school. Even though I’m chatting with a couple of girls from my Italian class, I turn around and look in Emmet’s direction expectantly. Emmy and I strong armed him into driving us to and from school when the
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