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Authors: Sherman Alexie
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differences between Democrats and Republicans. I hate to say it, but many Native American politicians are as corrupt and self-serving as any white D or R. So Indian voters don’t trust Indian politicians any more than the white variety.
In that regard, Governor Locke is an original. No matter how much Indian tribes might agree or disagree with his policies, he can’t be judged on a long history of Chinese American oppression of Native Americans. Locke and his staff were smart enough to hire me, the superstar half-Indian boy, to do most of his tribal communication. That hasn’t been easy. Let me tell you a dirty secret: Quite a few of the state’s most powerful Indian men and women are functionally illiterate. There are tribal councilmen who cannot spell the word “sovereignty.” It’s true. The best and brightest Indian folks are not often tribal leaders. A genius Indian is a rare and powerful person, wanted by every college and corporation. A genius Indian is the homecoming king or queen of the private-sector prom. But let’s tell more of the truth, okay? The best and brightest white men and women don’t become our mayors and governors and presidents, either. Otherwise, Bill Gates would be in the Oval Office, and Martha Stewart would be secretary of state. Think about it. The current United States president graduated from Yale with a 77 percent average. If white folks can survive with a C-plus commander in chief, then Indian folks can survive with a GED tribal chief. But here’s a personal truth: I am tired of surviving the incompetent, the average, the mean and median. I want excellence. I want to be a good man and a great politician who makes promises and keeps them. I am one of the best and brightest Native Americans and one of the best and brightest African Americans, and I am ambitious, so I plan on becoming the first half-black half-Indian United States senator. After three or four terms in the Senate, I’ll go for the White House. That is my general life plan, but general life plans often go awry. After all, in third grade, John F. Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald both wanted to be U.S. president, and look what happened to them. It’s the details of any life that are most important, right? Let me tell you about one dinner party and one basketball game.
Last February, I received an invitation to a bipartisan lobbyist dinner at Campagne, a wonderful French restaurant down near Pike Place Market in Seattle. I was excited about the food I would be eating and the company I would be keeping. Most outsiders think of lobbyists as politicians in better suits, but that’s not the case at all. Lobbyists don’t work in public, so they don’t have to worry about public opinion. Lobbyists aren’t elected; they’re self-selected. They aren’t crusaders; they’re mercenaries. By and large, lobbyists are as wicked, revenge-minded, poetic, intelligent, candid, and hilarious as any stand-up comedian. Former politicians who become lobbyists might miss the power of public office, but they learn to love the power of anonymity.
I was seated at a table with five lawyers who might be described as two married white couples and a single white woman, and who most accurately could be described as two Republicans and three Democrats.
“Hello,” I said. “I’m Richard. I work in Governor Locke’s office.”
“Oh, come on, Richard,” said the first Republican husband. “Does anybody actually work in Governor Locke’s office?”
“Hey, now,” I said. “I thought this was a bipartisan dinner.”
“It is bipartisan,” said the second Republican husband. “I used to be with Senator Gorton. Nobody ever worked in his office.”
Slade Gorton is a famous Indian fighter who wants to abolish all Indian tribes. I helped register ten thousand Indian first-time voters motivated by their hatred and fear of Gorton. Since he lost his reelection bid by a few thousand votes to a nebulous Democrat, I wonder if he lies in bed at
In that regard, Governor Locke is an original. No matter how much Indian tribes might agree or disagree with his policies, he can’t be judged on a long history of Chinese American oppression of Native Americans. Locke and his staff were smart enough to hire me, the superstar half-Indian boy, to do most of his tribal communication. That hasn’t been easy. Let me tell you a dirty secret: Quite a few of the state’s most powerful Indian men and women are functionally illiterate. There are tribal councilmen who cannot spell the word “sovereignty.” It’s true. The best and brightest Indian folks are not often tribal leaders. A genius Indian is a rare and powerful person, wanted by every college and corporation. A genius Indian is the homecoming king or queen of the private-sector prom. But let’s tell more of the truth, okay? The best and brightest white men and women don’t become our mayors and governors and presidents, either. Otherwise, Bill Gates would be in the Oval Office, and Martha Stewart would be secretary of state. Think about it. The current United States president graduated from Yale with a 77 percent average. If white folks can survive with a C-plus commander in chief, then Indian folks can survive with a GED tribal chief. But here’s a personal truth: I am tired of surviving the incompetent, the average, the mean and median. I want excellence. I want to be a good man and a great politician who makes promises and keeps them. I am one of the best and brightest Native Americans and one of the best and brightest African Americans, and I am ambitious, so I plan on becoming the first half-black half-Indian United States senator. After three or four terms in the Senate, I’ll go for the White House. That is my general life plan, but general life plans often go awry. After all, in third grade, John F. Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald both wanted to be U.S. president, and look what happened to them. It’s the details of any life that are most important, right? Let me tell you about one dinner party and one basketball game.
Last February, I received an invitation to a bipartisan lobbyist dinner at Campagne, a wonderful French restaurant down near Pike Place Market in Seattle. I was excited about the food I would be eating and the company I would be keeping. Most outsiders think of lobbyists as politicians in better suits, but that’s not the case at all. Lobbyists don’t work in public, so they don’t have to worry about public opinion. Lobbyists aren’t elected; they’re self-selected. They aren’t crusaders; they’re mercenaries. By and large, lobbyists are as wicked, revenge-minded, poetic, intelligent, candid, and hilarious as any stand-up comedian. Former politicians who become lobbyists might miss the power of public office, but they learn to love the power of anonymity.
I was seated at a table with five lawyers who might be described as two married white couples and a single white woman, and who most accurately could be described as two Republicans and three Democrats.
“Hello,” I said. “I’m Richard. I work in Governor Locke’s office.”
“Oh, come on, Richard,” said the first Republican husband. “Does anybody actually work in Governor Locke’s office?”
“Hey, now,” I said. “I thought this was a bipartisan dinner.”
“It is bipartisan,” said the second Republican husband. “I used to be with Senator Gorton. Nobody ever worked in his office.”
Slade Gorton is a famous Indian fighter who wants to abolish all Indian tribes. I helped register ten thousand Indian first-time voters motivated by their hatred and fear of Gorton. Since he lost his reelection bid by a few thousand votes to a nebulous Democrat, I wonder if he lies in bed at
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