inadequate every time I met one of your friends’ wives or girlfriends and saw how mature and confident they were.”
“While I was thinking I was the luckiest man in the room to have you.”
Her tears wet his chest. “I kept thinking I’d blackmailed you into being with me. I knew you weren’t ready, but I also knew you couldn’t stand the thought of me with someone else. I put you in the position of being the lesser evil, but I never felt like you were really comfortable with it.”
Brian’s callused hands cradled her back. “I wasn’t.”
Layla looked up at him. His short hair was mussed and his eyes bloodshot. She thought he was the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. “I knew it.”
“I was worried I was too settled for you. I’d already had my fair share of late nights and too much to drink. When I was home, all I wanted was to be alone with you.”
“I wanted that, too.”
He exhaled harshly. “I felt old. I figured you’d get over your crush on me soon enough and it would gut me to lose you. The moment you broke it off was the last possible moment you could have done it and not killed me. I survived it only because I still hoped you’d come back. That when you were ready to settle down, I’d be the guy you would want to settle with.”
“That’s why you let me go? Because you still could?”
“Partly. And partly because I thought you needed to live a little. See what else was out there. You weren’t the only one who was insecure. I wanted to be sure you didn’t look back and wonder if there might have been someone better for you, if you’d just taken the time to look around.”
Layla closed her eyes, sinking into an exhaustion that was more than physical. “I’m glad we had these few days together,” she said softly. “Anytime I was set to meet a new deputy, I’d hold my breath and hope it would be you. I’d always feel this strange mix of relief and disappointment when it wasn’t. It’s good to have some closure. At least I know we saved some of the good—”
“Shh.” He pressed his lips to hers. It was a reverent kiss. Full of tenderness and sorrow.
Layla pressed herself against him, wishing she could crawl inside him. Cherish him. Keep him.
God knew she loved him and had no idea how she was ever going to live without him. Knowing he was out there somewhere, still loving her ...
“Don’t think about it,” he repeated.
Easier said than done when her heart was breaking all over again.
Chapter 8
T hey drove straight through to Albuquerque with only a few quick stops for food and gas.
Pulling off I-40, Brian headed into the suburbs. Layla was quiet beside him, as she’d been most of the day. Her gaze was trained out the passenger window. He could feel the sadness radiating off her even though her face was hidden from him by the brim of a baseball cap. His own gut was tight with grief and frustration, his hands flexing restlessly on the wheel while he damned himself for not preventing this.
If he’d just talked to her when she needed reassurance, if he had given her a say in his plans, they would be in a totally different place in their lives now. She’d be safe, he would be with her, and they’d both be happy.
He pulled into a quiet residential neighborhood and she stirred, turning her head to look at him with her brows raised in inquiry.
“I’ve got a buddy out here,” he explained, slowing down in front of a one-story ranch house with a Chevy Silverado in the driveway and a Sea-Doo trailer in the space beside it.
Parking, he left the keys in the ignition and said, “Let me see if he’s home.”
Before he could step out, the front door opened and Jack Killigrew appeared. Tall and dark in appearance and demeanor, the man was an SOG deputy like Brian, a Shadow Stalker Brian could trust with someone as precious as Layla.
“Sit tight,” he murmured, getting out of the Bronco. Rounding the hood, he called out, “Hey, Killigrew. I’m in a bit of a
“While I was thinking I was the luckiest man in the room to have you.”
Her tears wet his chest. “I kept thinking I’d blackmailed you into being with me. I knew you weren’t ready, but I also knew you couldn’t stand the thought of me with someone else. I put you in the position of being the lesser evil, but I never felt like you were really comfortable with it.”
Brian’s callused hands cradled her back. “I wasn’t.”
Layla looked up at him. His short hair was mussed and his eyes bloodshot. She thought he was the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. “I knew it.”
“I was worried I was too settled for you. I’d already had my fair share of late nights and too much to drink. When I was home, all I wanted was to be alone with you.”
“I wanted that, too.”
He exhaled harshly. “I felt old. I figured you’d get over your crush on me soon enough and it would gut me to lose you. The moment you broke it off was the last possible moment you could have done it and not killed me. I survived it only because I still hoped you’d come back. That when you were ready to settle down, I’d be the guy you would want to settle with.”
“That’s why you let me go? Because you still could?”
“Partly. And partly because I thought you needed to live a little. See what else was out there. You weren’t the only one who was insecure. I wanted to be sure you didn’t look back and wonder if there might have been someone better for you, if you’d just taken the time to look around.”
Layla closed her eyes, sinking into an exhaustion that was more than physical. “I’m glad we had these few days together,” she said softly. “Anytime I was set to meet a new deputy, I’d hold my breath and hope it would be you. I’d always feel this strange mix of relief and disappointment when it wasn’t. It’s good to have some closure. At least I know we saved some of the good—”
“Shh.” He pressed his lips to hers. It was a reverent kiss. Full of tenderness and sorrow.
Layla pressed herself against him, wishing she could crawl inside him. Cherish him. Keep him.
God knew she loved him and had no idea how she was ever going to live without him. Knowing he was out there somewhere, still loving her ...
“Don’t think about it,” he repeated.
Easier said than done when her heart was breaking all over again.
Chapter 8
T hey drove straight through to Albuquerque with only a few quick stops for food and gas.
Pulling off I-40, Brian headed into the suburbs. Layla was quiet beside him, as she’d been most of the day. Her gaze was trained out the passenger window. He could feel the sadness radiating off her even though her face was hidden from him by the brim of a baseball cap. His own gut was tight with grief and frustration, his hands flexing restlessly on the wheel while he damned himself for not preventing this.
If he’d just talked to her when she needed reassurance, if he had given her a say in his plans, they would be in a totally different place in their lives now. She’d be safe, he would be with her, and they’d both be happy.
He pulled into a quiet residential neighborhood and she stirred, turning her head to look at him with her brows raised in inquiry.
“I’ve got a buddy out here,” he explained, slowing down in front of a one-story ranch house with a Chevy Silverado in the driveway and a Sea-Doo trailer in the space beside it.
Parking, he left the keys in the ignition and said, “Let me see if he’s home.”
Before he could step out, the front door opened and Jack Killigrew appeared. Tall and dark in appearance and demeanor, the man was an SOG deputy like Brian, a Shadow Stalker Brian could trust with someone as precious as Layla.
“Sit tight,” he murmured, getting out of the Bronco. Rounding the hood, he called out, “Hey, Killigrew. I’m in a bit of a
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