Read Online Suzy's Case: A Novel by Andy Siegel - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Andy Siegel
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Lily answers. “Law Office. Please hold,” she says. I hate that. I’ve instructed her numerous times to find out if the caller is a new case prior to putting him on hold. If it’s a new case, then everything else has to hold—not the call. Would you hire a lawyer if you were put on hold at the instant of first contact? It’s even worse when the caller’s in serious pain and it’s taken a big effort to get to the phone to make the call in the first place. Christ, I’ve got to wait for some stupid doctor to malpractice somebody or for an inattentive driver to run somebodydown to generate new business. I don’t want to risk losing a case over a rude greeting. “Please hold,” my ass. Full-service sympathy’s the name of the game. I hate having to correct Lily because she doesn’t take criticism well, but business is business. I’ll have to go back over with her what proper phone etiquette is composed of. She now comes on the line again.
“Can I help you?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I thought we discussed—”
“Hold, please.”
Two minutes later, she’s there again.
“What do you want?” she asks.
“First of all, how about a little respect for the boss?”
“Don’t be so sensitive. What do you want? I’m busy.”
“I’m not the sensitive one. Anyway, when you answer—”
“Hold.”
In one minute she picks back up.
“Okay. What do you want?”
“When a call comes in,” I begin, “and before you put the caller on hold—”
“Hold again. Be right back.”
Thirty-seven seconds later, she returns.
“I’m back. What’s up?”
“Please stop putting me on hold.”
“Well, the phone keeps ringing and you always tell me to find out if it’s a new case before putting the caller on hold. What do you want from me? Do you want me to baby you or do you want me to pick up the phone and see if it’s a giant new case? Okay? If the answer’s pick up the phone, then what’s this ‘before you put the caller on hold’ stuff?”
“Never mind. Were those other calls new cases?”
“No. It was my babysitter calling me for my arroz con pollo recipe. She’s making dinner for the first time tonight. I told her she has to learn how to cook Latino or to find another job. I hate being a single parent sometimes. Now, what do you want before she calls back?”
“Call up Bert Beecher and confirm my appointment with him for one o’clock today.”
“Is that the HIC who’s trying to shake his wife down for half her settlement you sent me the email on?”
“Yeah. That’s the guy.”
“Scumbag. I want to know what criminal offense he committed before I talk to him. I hate Benson and I hate his injured criminals.”
“Kindly direct your hatred elsewhere. We’re going to make a lot of money off his HICs. We already have.”
“I’m sorry, there must be something wrong with the connection. I thought you used the word we when referring to money being made. I haven’t made anything. You have.”
“I gave you a bonus, as I recall, on a few of the big ones, didn’t I?”
“Big whoop. I deserved every penny for having to deal with all of those … criminales .”
“Don’t start going native on me now. I know what that means. Just relax. Call Beecher up and make sure he comes in at one.”
“Not until you tell me what he did.”
“I recall Henry telling me that Bert Beecher was a violent guy. He was convicted for attempted murder, so don’t get into it with him. Just confirm the appointment I made over the weekend. Then call June Williams and confirm my three o’clock with her. Tell her to bring in Suzy. I want to meet that poor little girl before I throw her under the bus. We most likely will be rejecting her case, but don’t tell June. I’ll have to finesse it. Speak to you later.”
“Before you hang up, I’m letting you know that I’m buying some air fresheners for this place, the expensive kind that you have to plug in, which you’ll have
Lily answers. “Law Office. Please hold,” she says. I hate that. I’ve instructed her numerous times to find out if the caller is a new case prior to putting him on hold. If it’s a new case, then everything else has to hold—not the call. Would you hire a lawyer if you were put on hold at the instant of first contact? It’s even worse when the caller’s in serious pain and it’s taken a big effort to get to the phone to make the call in the first place. Christ, I’ve got to wait for some stupid doctor to malpractice somebody or for an inattentive driver to run somebodydown to generate new business. I don’t want to risk losing a case over a rude greeting. “Please hold,” my ass. Full-service sympathy’s the name of the game. I hate having to correct Lily because she doesn’t take criticism well, but business is business. I’ll have to go back over with her what proper phone etiquette is composed of. She now comes on the line again.
“Can I help you?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I thought we discussed—”
“Hold, please.”
Two minutes later, she’s there again.
“What do you want?” she asks.
“First of all, how about a little respect for the boss?”
“Don’t be so sensitive. What do you want? I’m busy.”
“I’m not the sensitive one. Anyway, when you answer—”
“Hold.”
In one minute she picks back up.
“Okay. What do you want?”
“When a call comes in,” I begin, “and before you put the caller on hold—”
“Hold again. Be right back.”
Thirty-seven seconds later, she returns.
“I’m back. What’s up?”
“Please stop putting me on hold.”
“Well, the phone keeps ringing and you always tell me to find out if it’s a new case before putting the caller on hold. What do you want from me? Do you want me to baby you or do you want me to pick up the phone and see if it’s a giant new case? Okay? If the answer’s pick up the phone, then what’s this ‘before you put the caller on hold’ stuff?”
“Never mind. Were those other calls new cases?”
“No. It was my babysitter calling me for my arroz con pollo recipe. She’s making dinner for the first time tonight. I told her she has to learn how to cook Latino or to find another job. I hate being a single parent sometimes. Now, what do you want before she calls back?”
“Call up Bert Beecher and confirm my appointment with him for one o’clock today.”
“Is that the HIC who’s trying to shake his wife down for half her settlement you sent me the email on?”
“Yeah. That’s the guy.”
“Scumbag. I want to know what criminal offense he committed before I talk to him. I hate Benson and I hate his injured criminals.”
“Kindly direct your hatred elsewhere. We’re going to make a lot of money off his HICs. We already have.”
“I’m sorry, there must be something wrong with the connection. I thought you used the word we when referring to money being made. I haven’t made anything. You have.”
“I gave you a bonus, as I recall, on a few of the big ones, didn’t I?”
“Big whoop. I deserved every penny for having to deal with all of those … criminales .”
“Don’t start going native on me now. I know what that means. Just relax. Call Beecher up and make sure he comes in at one.”
“Not until you tell me what he did.”
“I recall Henry telling me that Bert Beecher was a violent guy. He was convicted for attempted murder, so don’t get into it with him. Just confirm the appointment I made over the weekend. Then call June Williams and confirm my three o’clock with her. Tell her to bring in Suzy. I want to meet that poor little girl before I throw her under the bus. We most likely will be rejecting her case, but don’t tell June. I’ll have to finesse it. Speak to you later.”
“Before you hang up, I’m letting you know that I’m buying some air fresheners for this place, the expensive kind that you have to plug in, which you’ll have
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