statues of anatomically correct naked folk.
A bench with a commemorative plaque reading: “IN LOVING MEMORY OF RITARDO N. O’BRANE, FOUNDER OF SILIFORDVILLE.”
Several achingly beautiful, pristinely white, longing-for-the-spray-can walls.
An outdoor exhibit of log cabins.
Playground populated by huge, colorful, plastic, easily unbolted barnyard animals.
A rooftop garden.
Indoor bird and rodent life.
Janitorial staff mostly under 20 years old and easily distracted from work responsibilities.
A supply closet and toolshed with locks a 2-month-old could crack.
Transom window leading to the storage roomwhere they keep the uniforms. Uniforms!!!!
Large, antique, dusty, unused heating ducts that lead into every room.
A perfectly round library with a retracting roof.
An empty Olympic-sized swimming pool.
With all those possibilities, we had no choice but to discard them and do something completely original and self-sufficient. OK, well, actually we did use the heating ducts as passageways in our travels, which felt gloriously covert and spylike. And man, I loooooooooooove bumming around in the empty Town Hall at night with OtherMe! After thoroughly casing the joint, we took over the boardroom for a planning session.
SO. Here is OtherMe’s big plan: We’re going to create a wondrous Manifesto that will open people’s minds to the beauty of Strange, and then modify the town’s A/V equipment so it is capable of projecting our Manifesto directly into their brains. Then on the night of the ceremony, once the crowd has gathered, we’ll seal the doors and roll the Manifesto. Everything will be remotely controlledfrom the safety of our bedroom. Then we just sit back and watch the town of Silifordville get STRANGE!!!!!!
before: BORING
YESSSSSSSS! Here’s to OtherMe and her rascally diabolical plans!
OK—pretty great progress for one night. We are headed home.
after: STRANGE
Later
Am wondering about OtherMe. We were hanging out in the treehouse, and for a long time she was staring through the binoculars and laughing her cheeks off. I finally asked her what was so funny. She showed me where to look: Venus Fang Fang’s backyard, where her dogbeast, in obvious distress and agony, was throwing himself at the back door. A woman I assume was Venus Fang Fang herself would occasionally come to the window and stare out at him, looking bewildered.
M E : What’s so funny about that?
O THER M E : I threw my dog repeller into Venus Fang Fang’s yard.
M E : [Staring at her. Wondering if she had gone insane.] Why would you do that?
OM: [Staring at me. As if wondering if I were nuts.] Um, for fun?
Varking hamdacks! Am now sitting outside Venus Fang Fang’s backyard preparing to reinstall the polythermal-shielded ceramic discs on her fence, climb over, and remove the dog repeller. Am somewhat surprised that I am willing to risk my personal safety for the comfort of the dogbeast, but his yelps of anguish are truly haunting. Cannot just sit around while an animal is being tormented.
Hope he sees me as his rescuer from suffering, and I come out of this with all my limbs!!!!
Later—hiding in some bushes
Am real grumpy. Was confronted by Venus Fang Fang. She is obviously not the person who built the supercool obstacle course in her backyard.
She has a sour temper, a peculiar accent, and a strong hatred for anyone caught on her property. Our conversation went a little bit like this:
Venus Fang Fang
V ENUS F ANG F ANG : Chald! What are yao daoing in ma backyard?
M E : [Her accent grating horribly on my ears.] Ugh! What? Oh. Just…getting my cat collar. Be out of here in a flash.
VFF: And haow dad yao gat in haere?
M E : Climbed the fence.
VFF: [Shooting poison glance around perimeter of fence. Zeroing in on my polythermal-shielded ceramic discs. Stalking over to them and snatching them down.] Indaeed. Ah’ll be aover to spaeak with yaor mather in the marning.
Crabs! Am not pleased. OtherMe owes me big-time for
A bench with a commemorative plaque reading: “IN LOVING MEMORY OF RITARDO N. O’BRANE, FOUNDER OF SILIFORDVILLE.”
Several achingly beautiful, pristinely white, longing-for-the-spray-can walls.
An outdoor exhibit of log cabins.
Playground populated by huge, colorful, plastic, easily unbolted barnyard animals.
A rooftop garden.
Indoor bird and rodent life.
Janitorial staff mostly under 20 years old and easily distracted from work responsibilities.
A supply closet and toolshed with locks a 2-month-old could crack.
Transom window leading to the storage roomwhere they keep the uniforms. Uniforms!!!!
Large, antique, dusty, unused heating ducts that lead into every room.
A perfectly round library with a retracting roof.
An empty Olympic-sized swimming pool.
With all those possibilities, we had no choice but to discard them and do something completely original and self-sufficient. OK, well, actually we did use the heating ducts as passageways in our travels, which felt gloriously covert and spylike. And man, I loooooooooooove bumming around in the empty Town Hall at night with OtherMe! After thoroughly casing the joint, we took over the boardroom for a planning session.
SO. Here is OtherMe’s big plan: We’re going to create a wondrous Manifesto that will open people’s minds to the beauty of Strange, and then modify the town’s A/V equipment so it is capable of projecting our Manifesto directly into their brains. Then on the night of the ceremony, once the crowd has gathered, we’ll seal the doors and roll the Manifesto. Everything will be remotely controlledfrom the safety of our bedroom. Then we just sit back and watch the town of Silifordville get STRANGE!!!!!!
before: BORING
YESSSSSSSS! Here’s to OtherMe and her rascally diabolical plans!
OK—pretty great progress for one night. We are headed home.
after: STRANGE
Later
Am wondering about OtherMe. We were hanging out in the treehouse, and for a long time she was staring through the binoculars and laughing her cheeks off. I finally asked her what was so funny. She showed me where to look: Venus Fang Fang’s backyard, where her dogbeast, in obvious distress and agony, was throwing himself at the back door. A woman I assume was Venus Fang Fang herself would occasionally come to the window and stare out at him, looking bewildered.
M E : What’s so funny about that?
O THER M E : I threw my dog repeller into Venus Fang Fang’s yard.
M E : [Staring at her. Wondering if she had gone insane.] Why would you do that?
OM: [Staring at me. As if wondering if I were nuts.] Um, for fun?
Varking hamdacks! Am now sitting outside Venus Fang Fang’s backyard preparing to reinstall the polythermal-shielded ceramic discs on her fence, climb over, and remove the dog repeller. Am somewhat surprised that I am willing to risk my personal safety for the comfort of the dogbeast, but his yelps of anguish are truly haunting. Cannot just sit around while an animal is being tormented.
Hope he sees me as his rescuer from suffering, and I come out of this with all my limbs!!!!
Later—hiding in some bushes
Am real grumpy. Was confronted by Venus Fang Fang. She is obviously not the person who built the supercool obstacle course in her backyard.
She has a sour temper, a peculiar accent, and a strong hatred for anyone caught on her property. Our conversation went a little bit like this:
Venus Fang Fang
V ENUS F ANG F ANG : Chald! What are yao daoing in ma backyard?
M E : [Her accent grating horribly on my ears.] Ugh! What? Oh. Just…getting my cat collar. Be out of here in a flash.
VFF: And haow dad yao gat in haere?
M E : Climbed the fence.
VFF: [Shooting poison glance around perimeter of fence. Zeroing in on my polythermal-shielded ceramic discs. Stalking over to them and snatching them down.] Indaeed. Ah’ll be aover to spaeak with yaor mather in the marning.
Crabs! Am not pleased. OtherMe owes me big-time for
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