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Authors: Alycia Taylor
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she liked to keep an eye on me.
Still, I supposed that was just because
Valerie told her that I didn’t want anything to do with her. Even though I had
gotten angry at Dalilah for suggesting it, the more I thought about it, the
more it made sense.
Maybe
they really don’t want anything to do with me. Maybe I finally reached the
limit of what they were willing to take from me, I had thought cynically on more than one occasion during the course of the
week. Each time, I would roll my eyes and shake my head, thinking that they
were no better than my mother. While she might have been more direct and had a
much lower threshold for not caring about me, Valerie and her family, my father
included, if not especially, also had their own threshold. My honesty with
Valerie the other day must have crossed it.
Whatever, I
thought as I put my arm around Dalilah and hugged her close to me while we
entered the movie theater. I guess that
doesn’t matter much. I have the only person in the world that I need right
here.
I kissed the side of her head
affectionately as I had the thought, deciding if I continued to have this
thought, that maybe one day I would truly believe it.
I was infatuated with Dalilah. I would be
the first one to admit it and the more she talked, convincing me, not just to
move out, but the truth of the situation, that I was now a burden on my father
and his new family started to make a lot of sense. It hurt to realize the
truth, but I would rather realize it and deal with it now, before it manifested
in other areas of my life.
After all, I was still going to school. I
was still trying to do my homework and I was still having a good time in my
social life. I felt fairly complete and figured that the hole that the loss of
my father and Valerie’s family made in my heart would eventually heal. It had
to, right?
“I want popcorn, but make sure they do not
put butter on it…and a couple different candies…and a soda…but if they don’t
have Sprite, were leaving and going to another theater,” Dalilah was saying as
I was caught in a reflection. I tuned back in, just long enough to hear the
thing about the Sprite.
I smiled, wishing that I had a girlfriend
that was only joking. She loved Sprite and one time they were out and she made
me go to another theater, call ahead to make sure they had the soda of her
choice and then buy new tickets, just so that we could go see the movie. She
insisted that would have ruined her night, had she had to settle for any other
beverage.
She
might be high maintenance, but she’s mine! I thought, trying
to be cheerful. “I know, sweetie…” I answered, “I am sure they are not going to
run out.”
Apparently, the sweetie comment was just a
little too lovey-dovey for her, because she cringed and began to pull out of my
grasp.
“What’s wrong?” I said as I let her go.
“Oh God…You’re smothering me! You’re going
to ruin my hair.”
I tried not to roll my eyes as I pulled my
arm back. “Sorry.”
I moved up in line next to someone to
stand there for the popcorn and everything else she wanted, when I realized
that I saw a familiar face in the crowd. I felt my heart begin to pound and my
mouth went dry. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be angry, or pretend nothing
happened. Immediately, our eyes began to lock, as though she had planned this
all along. However, before Valerie could secure a look on me, I quickly turned
around.
“What is it?” Dalilah demanded.
“Nothing…I’m just looking at the new movie
posters,” I said, slightly fearful of what would happen if I told her the
truth. Dalilah had adopted my anger at Valerie and her family, so I wasn’t
completely sure she would not take it upon herself to go over and say
something, which would likely ruin everyone’s night but her own.
Still, as I sat there, trying my best not
to turn back around, trying my best not to make even the first glimpse of eye
contact with her, I had a silent wish that it
Still, I supposed that was just because
Valerie told her that I didn’t want anything to do with her. Even though I had
gotten angry at Dalilah for suggesting it, the more I thought about it, the
more it made sense.
Maybe
they really don’t want anything to do with me. Maybe I finally reached the
limit of what they were willing to take from me, I had thought cynically on more than one occasion during the course of the
week. Each time, I would roll my eyes and shake my head, thinking that they
were no better than my mother. While she might have been more direct and had a
much lower threshold for not caring about me, Valerie and her family, my father
included, if not especially, also had their own threshold. My honesty with
Valerie the other day must have crossed it.
Whatever, I
thought as I put my arm around Dalilah and hugged her close to me while we
entered the movie theater. I guess that
doesn’t matter much. I have the only person in the world that I need right
here.
I kissed the side of her head
affectionately as I had the thought, deciding if I continued to have this
thought, that maybe one day I would truly believe it.
I was infatuated with Dalilah. I would be
the first one to admit it and the more she talked, convincing me, not just to
move out, but the truth of the situation, that I was now a burden on my father
and his new family started to make a lot of sense. It hurt to realize the
truth, but I would rather realize it and deal with it now, before it manifested
in other areas of my life.
After all, I was still going to school. I
was still trying to do my homework and I was still having a good time in my
social life. I felt fairly complete and figured that the hole that the loss of
my father and Valerie’s family made in my heart would eventually heal. It had
to, right?
“I want popcorn, but make sure they do not
put butter on it…and a couple different candies…and a soda…but if they don’t
have Sprite, were leaving and going to another theater,” Dalilah was saying as
I was caught in a reflection. I tuned back in, just long enough to hear the
thing about the Sprite.
I smiled, wishing that I had a girlfriend
that was only joking. She loved Sprite and one time they were out and she made
me go to another theater, call ahead to make sure they had the soda of her
choice and then buy new tickets, just so that we could go see the movie. She
insisted that would have ruined her night, had she had to settle for any other
beverage.
She
might be high maintenance, but she’s mine! I thought, trying
to be cheerful. “I know, sweetie…” I answered, “I am sure they are not going to
run out.”
Apparently, the sweetie comment was just a
little too lovey-dovey for her, because she cringed and began to pull out of my
grasp.
“What’s wrong?” I said as I let her go.
“Oh God…You’re smothering me! You’re going
to ruin my hair.”
I tried not to roll my eyes as I pulled my
arm back. “Sorry.”
I moved up in line next to someone to
stand there for the popcorn and everything else she wanted, when I realized
that I saw a familiar face in the crowd. I felt my heart begin to pound and my
mouth went dry. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be angry, or pretend nothing
happened. Immediately, our eyes began to lock, as though she had planned this
all along. However, before Valerie could secure a look on me, I quickly turned
around.
“What is it?” Dalilah demanded.
“Nothing…I’m just looking at the new movie
posters,” I said, slightly fearful of what would happen if I told her the
truth. Dalilah had adopted my anger at Valerie and her family, so I wasn’t
completely sure she would not take it upon herself to go over and say
something, which would likely ruin everyone’s night but her own.
Still, as I sat there, trying my best not
to turn back around, trying my best not to make even the first glimpse of eye
contact with her, I had a silent wish that it
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