you alive …so maybe that’s why I was dying.
Needless to
say, I fell for his diversion. The last thing I remembered was the
feeling of arms snatching me from behind and a rush of something
sweet and chemical filling my nose and mouth.
I should’ve
held my breath the second I felt him and the cloth; but I panicked,
and that sealed my fate. It all happened so fast.
As I came-to,
my wrists were being sealed tightly together –to what felt like
down to the bone– and the trunk slammed shut, echoing in the empty
parking garage. Once the engine started, it occurred to me that I
wasn’t going to make it out of this alive.
Things only got
worse from there.
I never would
have predicted I’d lose my virginity to my next door neighbour,
Clarke Harris. There wasn’t an ounce of attraction towards him; not
that he was particularly hard on the eyes –he was handsome in a
way– just… the man was old enough to be my father. I couldn’t think
about him like that. He had salt-and-peppered hair, wore a tie on
casual days, and always carried the scent of cigarette smoke with
him. Sophisticated. Maybe a little tired around the eyes and
neglected a shave, but he had a genuine smile. Charming, even.
Everyone took Harris as a friendly, respectable guy …and I suppose
that’s what helped him blend in so well. Allowed him to observe up
close without suspicion.
Who knew that
the gentleman who greeted me every morning in the elevator and
delivered mixed mail harboured such violent fetishes surrounding
his young –and painfully shy– neighbour?
I wouldn’t have
pinned Harris as the type to take what he pleased and destroy it
before allowing anyone else a chance.
He’d offered me
a ride home one rainy night. It was safe to guess that wasn’t any
coincidence now. If I hadn’t been heading in the opposite
direction, I might have taken it.
And I might not
have made it to today.
Should I have
been grateful to have lived on borrowed time?
If I survived
this, I promised to never take up smoking. Ever. I was curious how
it tasted before –what it was like to hold in your lungs– but not
anymore. Not even a little.
“They’re almost
here.”
I groaned as my
aide brought me back with a gentle shake. I was so close to being
free from it all; away from the crippling pain. It was nicer there.
I wasn’t scared of dying anymore. Death was just our body’s way of
providing mercy when the damage became too much to bear. It was
kind. I didn’t have to suffer. There were options.
“Stay strong,
beautiful. I need you to make it through this so I can get your
number, okay?”
I choked out a
weak laugh. …Was he actually flirting with me? I must have lost
more blood then I thought. He couldn’t possibly like me—that would
be too perfect. My luck wouldn’t allow it.
But now that
the tears had started, they wouldn’t stop.
Nope. I was
scared.
I didn’t want
to be alone. I didn’t want to be alone for this and I wasn’t –and
that made me happy– but now I had someone to stay for. I wanted to
stay with him so badly; but that was beyond anyone’s control now.
Harris already made that choice.
“That was
supposed to make you smile, not cry,” he laughed, voice slightly
hitched. This was probably that point when he realized I wasn’t
quite strong enough.
He didn’t mean
a word of it, anyways. He was just saying what I wanted to hear
before letting go. A parting gift.
And that made
me love him.
There was no
such thing as love at first sight. That only happened in books and
movies. Life didn’t work like that. I didn’t know him. He didn’t
know me. We were strangers and we could never become a thing.
Not
anymore.
I guess dying
has a way of turning you into a believer. I had to let go of so
many things that I’d never get to do.
I’d never ride
a horse.
I’d never find
out what a macaroon tasted like.
See the ocean
and build a sandcastle.
Get a tattoo of
wings on my back. Maybe a piercing too, but probably
Needless to
say, I fell for his diversion. The last thing I remembered was the
feeling of arms snatching me from behind and a rush of something
sweet and chemical filling my nose and mouth.
I should’ve
held my breath the second I felt him and the cloth; but I panicked,
and that sealed my fate. It all happened so fast.
As I came-to,
my wrists were being sealed tightly together –to what felt like
down to the bone– and the trunk slammed shut, echoing in the empty
parking garage. Once the engine started, it occurred to me that I
wasn’t going to make it out of this alive.
Things only got
worse from there.
I never would
have predicted I’d lose my virginity to my next door neighbour,
Clarke Harris. There wasn’t an ounce of attraction towards him; not
that he was particularly hard on the eyes –he was handsome in a
way– just… the man was old enough to be my father. I couldn’t think
about him like that. He had salt-and-peppered hair, wore a tie on
casual days, and always carried the scent of cigarette smoke with
him. Sophisticated. Maybe a little tired around the eyes and
neglected a shave, but he had a genuine smile. Charming, even.
Everyone took Harris as a friendly, respectable guy …and I suppose
that’s what helped him blend in so well. Allowed him to observe up
close without suspicion.
Who knew that
the gentleman who greeted me every morning in the elevator and
delivered mixed mail harboured such violent fetishes surrounding
his young –and painfully shy– neighbour?
I wouldn’t have
pinned Harris as the type to take what he pleased and destroy it
before allowing anyone else a chance.
He’d offered me
a ride home one rainy night. It was safe to guess that wasn’t any
coincidence now. If I hadn’t been heading in the opposite
direction, I might have taken it.
And I might not
have made it to today.
Should I have
been grateful to have lived on borrowed time?
If I survived
this, I promised to never take up smoking. Ever. I was curious how
it tasted before –what it was like to hold in your lungs– but not
anymore. Not even a little.
“They’re almost
here.”
I groaned as my
aide brought me back with a gentle shake. I was so close to being
free from it all; away from the crippling pain. It was nicer there.
I wasn’t scared of dying anymore. Death was just our body’s way of
providing mercy when the damage became too much to bear. It was
kind. I didn’t have to suffer. There were options.
“Stay strong,
beautiful. I need you to make it through this so I can get your
number, okay?”
I choked out a
weak laugh. …Was he actually flirting with me? I must have lost
more blood then I thought. He couldn’t possibly like me—that would
be too perfect. My luck wouldn’t allow it.
But now that
the tears had started, they wouldn’t stop.
Nope. I was
scared.
I didn’t want
to be alone. I didn’t want to be alone for this and I wasn’t –and
that made me happy– but now I had someone to stay for. I wanted to
stay with him so badly; but that was beyond anyone’s control now.
Harris already made that choice.
“That was
supposed to make you smile, not cry,” he laughed, voice slightly
hitched. This was probably that point when he realized I wasn’t
quite strong enough.
He didn’t mean
a word of it, anyways. He was just saying what I wanted to hear
before letting go. A parting gift.
And that made
me love him.
There was no
such thing as love at first sight. That only happened in books and
movies. Life didn’t work like that. I didn’t know him. He didn’t
know me. We were strangers and we could never become a thing.
Not
anymore.
I guess dying
has a way of turning you into a believer. I had to let go of so
many things that I’d never get to do.
I’d never ride
a horse.
I’d never find
out what a macaroon tasted like.
See the ocean
and build a sandcastle.
Get a tattoo of
wings on my back. Maybe a piercing too, but probably
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