Read Online Stay Until We Break by Mercy Brown - Free Book Online Page B

hooking up with him. The problem is we’re friends, and we have to be able to live together in the van and get along for the next three weeks. Hopefully after the tour is over, too, if Soft will keep me on as their manager. And if we hook up, I just don’t expect him to take it—or me—seriously. He doesn’t seem to take any girl he takes to bed seriously. And I would consider just doing it anyway, with the mind-set that it’s just a casual hookup. But I don’t know if I can.
    As Craig talks to me, I stare at Cole, watch him laugh with Travis, his eyes all bright and happy. I stare at him for minutes and minutes without stopping, waiting for the moment when his eyes find mine again. I never tire of watching him.
    “Hey, where’s Joey?” Emmylou asks, sitting in the lounger on the other side of me. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”
    “Yeah, I hope it’s a good sign,” I say.
    “Let’s pray it is,” she says. “But Debbie and Jenny are missing, too, so, you know . . .”
    “I can’t even consider that possibility.”
    “How sanitary are those things, anyway?”
    “I like how you think I’d know that.”
    “You’re the practical one,” she reminds me.
    “Well, I don’t think you can really catch anything,” I say. “But I’d worry about chafing.”
    “That’s gross, Sunny.”
    “That’s why I brought Lubriderm.”
    “Oh God, I hope dick chafing is not the real reason you brought lotion. Is it?”
    It isn’t, but I just smile and shrug at her horrified expression.
    She polishes off her beer and then saunters over to Travis, and the way he eye-fucks her as she walks to him is practically indecent, but just made my list of life goals. I try to imagine what it would feel like to be that desired by someone, but I can’t because I never have been. I find myself looking at Cole again, wondering who he’s ever wanted like that.
    He catches me staring as I’m half listening to Craig, raises his eyebrows, clearly a sign. A glorious, obvious sign, but I’m not sure if I’m grimacing or what, because he turns back to his conversation with Travis and Emmy. But then he heads over to where I’m standing and my stomach drops like I’m about to take a free fall.
    “Sorry, Craig, I need to borrow Sunny,” he says, taking me by the hand. When I look up at him he smiles. “I need you to help me find something in the back of the van.”
    “Find what?” I ask, because I’m really that dense.
    “I’ll show you when we find it.” He gives Craig this knowing sort of wink before he leads me away from the party, and my mind races as I walk with him.
Is he serious? He wants to get with me in the van? Right now with all these people here? And . . . am I doing this?
    Oh, how I’m regretting my choice to stay sober tonight. My hand is cold and clammy in his and I can’t stop feeling like an awkward sixteen-year-old. And I really can’t deal with how good he looks in that plain black T-shirt with that beautiful little mole on his neck, just under his hairline and perfectly visible with all this stupid, magical moonlight.
    “Should we get a beer first?” I suggest. “Or maybe five?”
    “Oh . . .” He’s caught off guard. Great. “I mean yeah, sure.” He lets go of my hand. Go, me.
    “Or not,” I say.
    “Hey, I’m sorry. I thought you looked like you’d had enough talking about radio promo. If you want to hang out with Craig, that’s fine. Seriously.”
    “I don’t,” I say, shaking my head. “It’s not that.”
    “What’s not what?”
    “It’s not . . .” I kick the dirt and look down so he can’t see me gnawing on my lip like a jerk. He’s waiting for me to explain myself, but I can’t explain that I need a drink because of how nervous I am, because that sounds pathetic.
    “C’mon, let’s get a beer,” he says, and turns to walk into the barn, his hands in his pockets. I follow him, cursing myself. Why can’t I just be like any of these normal women who jump