Read Online Stars Go Blue by Laura Pritchett - Free Book Online Page A

children sired by different men, and it’s true that no one was ever clear on who those men were, but come right down to it, she was in fact a kind person, if she’d just had more time, it would have shone through, which is probably something Renny forgot to mention to Rachel because she was toobusy telling Rachel that Rachel didn’t have her act together. She sighs. She remembers the few times she lost her temper—really lost her temper—and Rachel was usually the brunt of it. She’s sorry and has been sorry and wonders if she will ever not be sorry.
    â€œI could sure use a bite—”
    She breathes in, deeply. Begs herself for a steady calm voice. “Remember, Ben. When we’d first walked the place? The year we were married?”
    â€œThe river had just flooded.”
    â€œYes. All that junk everywhere. Branches and debris. A wallet. A cow’s skull.”
    â€œA beat-up canoe. I kept that.”
    â€œNo, you did not keep the canoe, Ben. We hauled it to the dump. With the old fence posts, rusted barbed wire. But remember? That’s when I said, ‘Looks like the bottom of hell,’ but I didn’t mean it. But you’d said, ‘Hell’s Bottom Ranch it is then. Our heaven.’”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œIt’s been a little of both, no?”
    â€œOh, sure,” he says. “It sure has.”
    â€œI thought after Rachel died that I was as close to hell as I’d get. If that’s not hell, I don’t know what is.” Except this , she almost says, but does not.
    He doesn’t seem to hear, and although she glances at him twice, she sees no sign that he has anything to say to this, if he has any response, if he has any emotion to a dead daughter and the aftermath that it caused. If only he could hear her, hear the important things, and respond, but instead, he says, finally, “When is Carolyn coming by next?”
    Renny sighs. Someone, anyone, to tell these things to. That’s all she wants. “She’s in Mexico, Ben. Now we have their dog,and they’re flying to Mexico. When they get back, we’re all meeting with a lawyer. To transfer the ranch. Because we’re going to die, Ben. Okay?” She’s so tired of explaining things to a two-year-old in a grown man’s body. “I wonder if she should get the test. For Alzheimer’s. She says that if it’s positive, her health insurance might kick her off. I guess there’s not much she could do, anyway. I’m going to lose it, Ben. I know you don’t know what I mean, but I’m going to lose it.” At this, she looks sideways at Ben, searches his face. She realizes, with a start, that Ben has tears snaking down his face.
    â€œShe’s gone?”
    She turns back to the road, drives. The pressure of her sorrow is breaking her eardrums. It’s breaking her heart. They drive through the ugly part of town—the strip malls, the Greyhound station, the used car lots.
    Later, he says, “Carolyn left already. But Jess is here.”
    â€œOh, Ben,” she whispers. “I’ve sunk as low as I can get. All the sudden. Today,” and then says, more loudly and firmly, “You knew that, Ben. That she was going to Mexico with Del. For a vacation. Isn’t that nice, that they’re smart enough to take a vacation? I think it’s nice. They need something fun together. Jess is fine, old enough to stay alone. Billy is in Europe. Jack is in San Francisco, studying to be a lawyer. Leanne is at college. The dog is with us. Anton’s taking care of the cattle.”
    â€œShe took a trip,” he says. “For ten days.”
    â€œFive days. Then they’ll be back.”
    â€œYes, she took a trip.”
    She can’t help it, the desire to reach over and strangle him. It occurs to her now that one of her daughters was killed in an instant, bloody and terrible, in her own kitchen. The other could die