air burns . Did I forget to breathe before ? It’s like my chest is too small, too tight . It’s the little things that are going to get me in the end. The re-play of her coffin being lowered now finds a place in my head. My body starts shaking with anger. Like if there was something to hit or kick or anything …
I walk fast, forcing one leg out in front of the other, determined to keep moving until the out-of-control pictures running through my head go away.
“Antony! Wait !” Amber calls .
I don’t know if this is good or bad, but it’s definitely distracting. My feet stop moving. Guess I’m waiting for her. Maybe I’m looking fo r a different kind of torture—o ne where her kissing another guy hurts me in a way it shouldn’t. But it’s still not enough to distract me from the real pain. One damn order of Mom’s coffee, and I’m about to lose it again.
“Hey, what’s up?” She smi les wide as she catches up .
“Bad day.” I shake my head and start walking again. Her smile definitely isn’t helping, because her smile is for everyone. Or, at the very least, divided. Maybe now’s when I need to admit I like her more than I should. But shit, I barely know the girl really. I should focus more on that.
Her brow comes down and her face is laced with all Amber sweetness.
What am I supposed to say now? “How’s Kent?” I’m stupid.
“I still don’t know how I feel about him. But I don’t want to talk about that, I’m worri — ”
“Then that should be your first clue, ” I snap. I don’t mean for it sound angry, but it kind of does.
She doesn’t move, but the distance between us expands to miles. “That, what?”
I stop and turn toward her , pissed at the world and ready to state the obvious . “Don’t mess with him like that. Don’t let him kiss you unless you really want him to. O therwise you’re just screwing with his head.”
She steps back , her small brows pulled together . “But I don’t mean to mess with his head.”
“Y eah… well …” I raise both arms in the air. “Then don’t let him kiss you .” I turn and continue down the hill to the harbor.
“I didn’t mean to! ”
Didn’t mean to. Right. I’ve used that one before, and I was lying. Just like she is now. “That’s ridiculous! You either mean to and do it, or you don’t do it!”
She grabs my arm. “What’s with you ? ”
“I ordered a fucking coffee for my mom , and I have no idea why!” I jerk my arm back and this time she lets me go.
- - -
I’m slumped on the back of Dad’s boat. Damn coffee in hand, and the masochistic side of me almost wishes I was drinking the coffee Mom always drank. The smell, the sweetness of it. My phone buzzes in my pocket.
DAVID: LI KE IT OR NOT, I’M COMING FOR 2 DYS TO HANG W U. SEE U IN A WEEK.
I nearly spit out my coffee. Now what? I start typing.
SEE U THEN.
It’s the only thing I can say without coming off as an asshole. I have no idea how I feel about David coming to town. He’s a good friend. M aybe it’ll be nice to have him here. Maybe. Mostly I just want… Actually, I have no idea what the hell I want aside f rom my life to be wh at it was before Mom sent me here .
My phone buzzes again , and I’m trying to think of something clever to say to David, but it’s not from David. It’s from Amber.
AMBER: SORRY. CAN I COME BY LATER?
Am I a glutton for punishment here? I want her to come over.
ANYTIME
Now I sound desperate.
“Hey.” Her voice shoots me to sitting.
“Hey.” I hold up my phone. “Did you wait for my text, or did you think it would be funny to pop in?”
“I hoped you’d say I could come.” Her blue eyes are open wide, throwing the full force of their power on me.
I gesture with my hand. “Come on up.”
She’s in her tiny running shorts. I’d be freezing in this misty, rainy, weather, but it doesn’t seem to bother her. She sits across from me at the round table on the back deck of
I walk fast, forcing one leg out in front of the other, determined to keep moving until the out-of-control pictures running through my head go away.
“Antony! Wait !” Amber calls .
I don’t know if this is good or bad, but it’s definitely distracting. My feet stop moving. Guess I’m waiting for her. Maybe I’m looking fo r a different kind of torture—o ne where her kissing another guy hurts me in a way it shouldn’t. But it’s still not enough to distract me from the real pain. One damn order of Mom’s coffee, and I’m about to lose it again.
“Hey, what’s up?” She smi les wide as she catches up .
“Bad day.” I shake my head and start walking again. Her smile definitely isn’t helping, because her smile is for everyone. Or, at the very least, divided. Maybe now’s when I need to admit I like her more than I should. But shit, I barely know the girl really. I should focus more on that.
Her brow comes down and her face is laced with all Amber sweetness.
What am I supposed to say now? “How’s Kent?” I’m stupid.
“I still don’t know how I feel about him. But I don’t want to talk about that, I’m worri — ”
“Then that should be your first clue, ” I snap. I don’t mean for it sound angry, but it kind of does.
She doesn’t move, but the distance between us expands to miles. “That, what?”
I stop and turn toward her , pissed at the world and ready to state the obvious . “Don’t mess with him like that. Don’t let him kiss you unless you really want him to. O therwise you’re just screwing with his head.”
She steps back , her small brows pulled together . “But I don’t mean to mess with his head.”
“Y eah… well …” I raise both arms in the air. “Then don’t let him kiss you .” I turn and continue down the hill to the harbor.
“I didn’t mean to! ”
Didn’t mean to. Right. I’ve used that one before, and I was lying. Just like she is now. “That’s ridiculous! You either mean to and do it, or you don’t do it!”
She grabs my arm. “What’s with you ? ”
“I ordered a fucking coffee for my mom , and I have no idea why!” I jerk my arm back and this time she lets me go.
- - -
I’m slumped on the back of Dad’s boat. Damn coffee in hand, and the masochistic side of me almost wishes I was drinking the coffee Mom always drank. The smell, the sweetness of it. My phone buzzes in my pocket.
DAVID: LI KE IT OR NOT, I’M COMING FOR 2 DYS TO HANG W U. SEE U IN A WEEK.
I nearly spit out my coffee. Now what? I start typing.
SEE U THEN.
It’s the only thing I can say without coming off as an asshole. I have no idea how I feel about David coming to town. He’s a good friend. M aybe it’ll be nice to have him here. Maybe. Mostly I just want… Actually, I have no idea what the hell I want aside f rom my life to be wh at it was before Mom sent me here .
My phone buzzes again , and I’m trying to think of something clever to say to David, but it’s not from David. It’s from Amber.
AMBER: SORRY. CAN I COME BY LATER?
Am I a glutton for punishment here? I want her to come over.
ANYTIME
Now I sound desperate.
“Hey.” Her voice shoots me to sitting.
“Hey.” I hold up my phone. “Did you wait for my text, or did you think it would be funny to pop in?”
“I hoped you’d say I could come.” Her blue eyes are open wide, throwing the full force of their power on me.
I gesture with my hand. “Come on up.”
She’s in her tiny running shorts. I’d be freezing in this misty, rainy, weather, but it doesn’t seem to bother her. She sits across from me at the round table on the back deck of
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