Read Online Spank: The Improbable Adventures of George Aloysius Brown by Alan Daniels - Free Book Online Page B

Naughty Janet, including a baby doll nightie for fifty quid that he would have dearly loved Pem to have worn, although he knew full well she would never have done so and would have been cross with him for wasting his money. ' All Goods Sold As Seen, ' a sign said. ' No Refunds. ' A young couple, smiling shyly and whispering conspiratorially to each other, popped a Slap Leather paddle into their shopping bag and wandered over to a display of wrist restraints decorated with purple hearts. At Erotic Boutique, a blonde middle-aged sales woman with ample bosoms, most of which were on display, was rhythmically slapping her knee high vinyl boots with a riding crop adorned at the business end with a painted leather butterfly. " Hello, young man, " she said cheerily, as George passed. " Would you like to feel my whip? " " No thank you, " he had replied, hastily stuffing his notebook out of sight. " Can ' t say I blame you, " she said with a smile. " It ' s a bit early for that sort of thing, isn ' t it? "
    George marveled at the number of masks, paddles, whips, canes, floggers and handcuffs that were on display at every turn. He never thought of discipline as a national pastime and yet these instruments of every size, heft, hue and texture were flying off the shelves. He thought that some of the products on offer made wildly extravagant claims. The battery powered Monkey Spanker, for example, described itself as ' a vibrator for men, ' a ' world famous male G-spot stimulator ' promising ' waves of intense orgasms for hours. ' George thought that was probably a bit over the top and although he enjoyed a satisfactory sexual denouement as much as the next man, if he had hours to pass he would rather spend them at the pub.
    However, work was work and after ninety minutes among the exhibits he had filled several pages of his notebook. He perused a gallery of erotic paintings and photographs and had been charmed by a tall blonde photographer ' s model who towered above him, naked except for a pair of fishnet tights. Among scores of images of private parts in every possible configuration only one had struck him as mildly interesting, more amusing than erotic. It was a small black and white close-up of a woman ' s thigh on which were balanced a tea cup and a half eaten digestive biscuit. As a backdrop to these prosaic items a mound of unruly pubic hair sprouted like a privet hedge.
    But note taking aside, George soon realized that research required affirmative action and he reached the reluctant conclusion that if he were to broaden his knowledge on the subject of erotica he would have to cast his inhibitions aside and talk to an expert. Taking a deep breath, he dived in.
    " Excuse me, " he said to a woman who was stocking shelves at Everything Spanking New. She was on the third rung of a small stepladder, petite and very pretty in a vinyl nun ' s headdress, and when she climbed down he was delighted to find she was half-an-inch shorter than he. She looked to be in her twenties.
    " Excuse me, " he began again. " Sorry to trouble you, I ' m researching for a book on erotic discipline… "
    There, he had said it. It was a relief.
    " Would you have a moment to talk? Of course I won ' t ask your name, I quite understand the need for privacy ... "
    She smiled sweetly at him, smoothed a wrinkle from an embroidered tank top that read Trust Me I ' m a Pervert and returned it to its rack with the others.
    " I don ' t mind telling you, " she said. " I ' m Victoria Barnes. I ' m the owner. How can I help you? "
    George decided she could help if he got straight to the point. " All this spanking paraphernalia, is it a best seller? "
    For a moment she said nothing as if wondering whether to call for security and George fervently hoped she wasn ' t really a nun.
    " It ' s one of them, " she replied, helpfully. " We sell many different things and fetish equipment is one of them. We also educate people on how to use these things, how to have fun, how to do it