Read Online Sometimes Love Hurts by Marie Fostino - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Marie Fostino
Ads: Link
nose.
“Nothing, sweetie,” she said. “I think I am getting a cold.”
But even as a child, Lisa could see that her mother was trembling.
“Come on, mom. We have so much more to see,” she said pulling her by the hand.
That was the last time they ever went there.
How could I have known that there was this big secret and mom was revisiting something awful from her past?
Lisa needed time to digest what she had just learned. She felt the best way to deal with something as shocking as that was to keep busy. She pulled out the vacuum and headed to the carpet in the living room, followed by the family room, and then to do the wash downstairs. When she realized that she was using work to keep things off her mind, it reminded her all the more of her mother. Her mom always said that cleaning the house would comfort her, and let her mind rest.
Later that evening Joey called. He wanted to come over, but Lisa had too much still rattling around in her brain and wasn’t sure that having company would be a good idea. She did want to talk to him, but felt it would be easier to do so on the phone. Pity was the last thing she wanted to see in his eyes. She told him about the brother that she almost had, and speaking out loud about his death made her cry. She had not even known him, yet she cried for him. Lisa wasn’t sure if she should be mad at her mother for not telling her, but that seemed rather pointless, since her mom had died too. Death was becoming the word she dreaded the most.
How can it be that you go through twenty years of life without experiencing death, and then in a matter of weeks everyone you love has gone?
Talking to Joey did make her feel better, and part of her almost wished she had asked him to come over, but after having some hot soup and climbing into her bed with the afghan that her mother had made, she fell instantly asleep. Morning came fast and for Lisa, it was a brand new day. She felt refreshed and ready to focus again on the journal.
Chapter Twelve
Betrayal
Natalie’s Journal
Lisa settled on her parents’ bed and continued to read.
Lisa, this is going to be the hardest part of the journal for you to read, but you have to understand the circumstances. I am not making excuses for our actions, but we are human and do make mistakes. First, I was not doing very well after the miscarriage. I cried all the time. I had trouble losing the extra weight, and I grew more and more depressed. I didn’t put on makeup anymore. I just didn’t seem to care about anything except you. I wasn’t there for your dad. Of course, I felt like he wasn’t there for me either. He finally got mad at me for crying so much, so I would wait until the both of you were asleep, creep into the living room, and I’d sit on the couch and sob into a pillow. I cried hard screaming at God, and asking Him why he was punishing me. Sometimes my throat hurt because I cried so much, and my eyes seemed to stay puffy. Lisa, I really felt like I was being punished for some reason, but I didn’t understand why.
Losing a baby was the most horrible experience in the world. To see the child that I was carrying so small and not breathing was horrific. What was wrong with me? Did I not eat a proper diet or did I not rest enough? Did I stretch too high when I washed the kitchen walls? Was I a bad person so God decided that I did not deserve this gift? Yes, I believe that children are gifts, and you, my dear, were the best gift that God ever gave me.
Your father took the death differently. He felt as if it were meant to be. If that was what God wanted, then I should be okay with it too. It would be financially better for us. Even though we still had the hospital bill, at least he did not have another mouth to feed. He just could not understand why I was so downhearted and sad.
That’s when it started. The phone
“Nothing, sweetie,” she said. “I think I am getting a cold.”
But even as a child, Lisa could see that her mother was trembling.
“Come on, mom. We have so much more to see,” she said pulling her by the hand.
That was the last time they ever went there.
How could I have known that there was this big secret and mom was revisiting something awful from her past?
Lisa needed time to digest what she had just learned. She felt the best way to deal with something as shocking as that was to keep busy. She pulled out the vacuum and headed to the carpet in the living room, followed by the family room, and then to do the wash downstairs. When she realized that she was using work to keep things off her mind, it reminded her all the more of her mother. Her mom always said that cleaning the house would comfort her, and let her mind rest.
Later that evening Joey called. He wanted to come over, but Lisa had too much still rattling around in her brain and wasn’t sure that having company would be a good idea. She did want to talk to him, but felt it would be easier to do so on the phone. Pity was the last thing she wanted to see in his eyes. She told him about the brother that she almost had, and speaking out loud about his death made her cry. She had not even known him, yet she cried for him. Lisa wasn’t sure if she should be mad at her mother for not telling her, but that seemed rather pointless, since her mom had died too. Death was becoming the word she dreaded the most.
How can it be that you go through twenty years of life without experiencing death, and then in a matter of weeks everyone you love has gone?
Talking to Joey did make her feel better, and part of her almost wished she had asked him to come over, but after having some hot soup and climbing into her bed with the afghan that her mother had made, she fell instantly asleep. Morning came fast and for Lisa, it was a brand new day. She felt refreshed and ready to focus again on the journal.
Chapter Twelve
Betrayal
Natalie’s Journal
Lisa settled on her parents’ bed and continued to read.
Lisa, this is going to be the hardest part of the journal for you to read, but you have to understand the circumstances. I am not making excuses for our actions, but we are human and do make mistakes. First, I was not doing very well after the miscarriage. I cried all the time. I had trouble losing the extra weight, and I grew more and more depressed. I didn’t put on makeup anymore. I just didn’t seem to care about anything except you. I wasn’t there for your dad. Of course, I felt like he wasn’t there for me either. He finally got mad at me for crying so much, so I would wait until the both of you were asleep, creep into the living room, and I’d sit on the couch and sob into a pillow. I cried hard screaming at God, and asking Him why he was punishing me. Sometimes my throat hurt because I cried so much, and my eyes seemed to stay puffy. Lisa, I really felt like I was being punished for some reason, but I didn’t understand why.
Losing a baby was the most horrible experience in the world. To see the child that I was carrying so small and not breathing was horrific. What was wrong with me? Did I not eat a proper diet or did I not rest enough? Did I stretch too high when I washed the kitchen walls? Was I a bad person so God decided that I did not deserve this gift? Yes, I believe that children are gifts, and you, my dear, were the best gift that God ever gave me.
Your father took the death differently. He felt as if it were meant to be. If that was what God wanted, then I should be okay with it too. It would be financially better for us. Even though we still had the hospital bill, at least he did not have another mouth to feed. He just could not understand why I was so downhearted and sad.
That’s when it started. The phone
Similar Books
