Read Online Sojourner by Maria Rachel Hooley - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Maria Rachel Hooley
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stone, unblinking, unmoving, unfeeling as he watches me die. A keening sob starts low and fills the air as I fall to my knees, the panic so overwhelming it’s hard to breath. I’m still kneeling there when the alarm blasts a rock song. The beat shudders through me. Trembling, I force myself to turn it off.
Knowing Jimmie will be home soon, I rush to the bathroom and head to the shower so the warm water will wash away the nightmare. More sobs. I lean against the shower wall as hot water sprays my body, and I sink to a squatting position. I stay there until the water turns warm and then suddenly cold. Even with a turtle neck, a sweater, and jeans, I find myself shaking and sweating. A fever, maybe? I don’t feel so good, but I’m not about to stay in bed all day with nightmares that haunt me even when I’m awake. The trick is getting past Jimmie because if he realizes I’ve got a fever, that is exactly where I’ll end up.
In order to hide the pallor of my cheeks, I carefully apply my make up, and style my long hair around my face, but I’m moving slowly this morning, with a body sluggish from illness and sleep deprivation so I’m barely put together when Jimmie walks in the door.
“Hey, Lizzie, you awake?”
“Yeah, I’ll be right down.” Sweat beads at my temples and I blot the residue, careful not to smudge my makeup. Once I’ve put myself together, I grab my book bag and head down stairs, my hand gripping the banister tightly for balance. My head swims, and for just a second I wonder if going to school is a good idea. Then I think about the nightmares and keep walking.
“Hey, you all right? You’re awful quiet this morning.” He frowns.
“I’m fine, Jimmie. Just haven’t caught up on my sleep yet.”
Staring at his expression, I can tell that he sees something wrong but he can’t tell what it is. That troubles him all the more. The smile I offer does its job to settle his nerves, at least as much as they can be settled these days. But still, even though he doesn’t say anything, he can tell that something doesn’t look right for me but says nothing, figuring it will pass.
I wish it would.
“I went ahead and had a whole new set of tires put on instead of just one. You gonna have breakfast?” He nods toward the kitchen.
“I’ll get something at school.” Feeling myself still sweating, I figure I’d better get out of here before it shows. I can feel his gaze hovering as I walk out the door, and I know he’s worried. That’s trademark Jimmie. He reaches for things to worry about the way most people strive to breathe. It’s instinctive and round the clock.
At the Jeep, I wipe the sweat from my forehead and get in, shivering. Right now I don’t think there’s a way I can get warm enough, and I’ll be lucky if I don’t get sent home. On the drive, my whole body aches and the fatigue crawls under my skin, forcing me to roll the windows down just to stay awake.
I dump most of my books into the locker but keep my jacket on. Otherwise I’ll be shaking uncontrollably with my teeth chattering. Even before I close the locker door, Griffin finds me. He starts to drape his arm over my shoulder but I quickly shrug him away, which causes him to really look at me. He shakes his head.
“You all right, Lizzie.”
“I don’t feel good, so I’d rather be left alone.” Even for me, that is a short, rude comment, but I can’t help myself. I draw a deep breath in, trying to clear the cobwebs layering my brain. I need the one thing which I can’t give in to these days…sleep.
“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Griffin says caustically, his eyes flashing darkly.
I grip the locker to keep my balance anchored. “Look, I’m tired of pretending to feel something beyond friendship, Griffin, and today, I’m sick. Can we just not do this, please?” The world is spinning slightly and I can’t breathe
Knowing Jimmie will be home soon, I rush to the bathroom and head to the shower so the warm water will wash away the nightmare. More sobs. I lean against the shower wall as hot water sprays my body, and I sink to a squatting position. I stay there until the water turns warm and then suddenly cold. Even with a turtle neck, a sweater, and jeans, I find myself shaking and sweating. A fever, maybe? I don’t feel so good, but I’m not about to stay in bed all day with nightmares that haunt me even when I’m awake. The trick is getting past Jimmie because if he realizes I’ve got a fever, that is exactly where I’ll end up.
In order to hide the pallor of my cheeks, I carefully apply my make up, and style my long hair around my face, but I’m moving slowly this morning, with a body sluggish from illness and sleep deprivation so I’m barely put together when Jimmie walks in the door.
“Hey, Lizzie, you awake?”
“Yeah, I’ll be right down.” Sweat beads at my temples and I blot the residue, careful not to smudge my makeup. Once I’ve put myself together, I grab my book bag and head down stairs, my hand gripping the banister tightly for balance. My head swims, and for just a second I wonder if going to school is a good idea. Then I think about the nightmares and keep walking.
“Hey, you all right? You’re awful quiet this morning.” He frowns.
“I’m fine, Jimmie. Just haven’t caught up on my sleep yet.”
Staring at his expression, I can tell that he sees something wrong but he can’t tell what it is. That troubles him all the more. The smile I offer does its job to settle his nerves, at least as much as they can be settled these days. But still, even though he doesn’t say anything, he can tell that something doesn’t look right for me but says nothing, figuring it will pass.
I wish it would.
“I went ahead and had a whole new set of tires put on instead of just one. You gonna have breakfast?” He nods toward the kitchen.
“I’ll get something at school.” Feeling myself still sweating, I figure I’d better get out of here before it shows. I can feel his gaze hovering as I walk out the door, and I know he’s worried. That’s trademark Jimmie. He reaches for things to worry about the way most people strive to breathe. It’s instinctive and round the clock.
At the Jeep, I wipe the sweat from my forehead and get in, shivering. Right now I don’t think there’s a way I can get warm enough, and I’ll be lucky if I don’t get sent home. On the drive, my whole body aches and the fatigue crawls under my skin, forcing me to roll the windows down just to stay awake.
I dump most of my books into the locker but keep my jacket on. Otherwise I’ll be shaking uncontrollably with my teeth chattering. Even before I close the locker door, Griffin finds me. He starts to drape his arm over my shoulder but I quickly shrug him away, which causes him to really look at me. He shakes his head.
“You all right, Lizzie.”
“I don’t feel good, so I’d rather be left alone.” Even for me, that is a short, rude comment, but I can’t help myself. I draw a deep breath in, trying to clear the cobwebs layering my brain. I need the one thing which I can’t give in to these days…sleep.
“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Griffin says caustically, his eyes flashing darkly.
I grip the locker to keep my balance anchored. “Look, I’m tired of pretending to feel something beyond friendship, Griffin, and today, I’m sick. Can we just not do this, please?” The world is spinning slightly and I can’t breathe
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