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Authors: Stephanie Haddad
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didn’t do much in the way of entertaining guests. I had enough space for a couch, a couple of bookshelves for all my textbooks and related sociological reading, and a two-person table. My bedroom housed my full-size bed and one dresser, plus my comfy reading chair. It was all I’d ever needed and, aside from the fact that it was attached to my parents’ house, it was the perfect set up for me at that point in my life. Especially once I’d gotten my mother to stop coming in to tuck me into bed every night. I guess some old habits die hard.
Teeth brushed, pajamas on, I turned out the light and climbed into my bed. I really wanted to let myself get swept away in this Olivia thing, but I knew that in the light of day, I would still be Jennifer.
****
The next few days flew by in all the activity of gym trips, friend requests, and healthy meals. After a full week of Claire-enforced diet and exercise, it was time for my first weigh-in. She’d made me climb onto a scale the previous Sunday and I still hadn’t quite forgiven her for the cruel and unusual punishment. Doing it again so soon was not something I was quite ready for.
“Can’t I wait another week so I can get a bigger result? I think that would really help to keep me motivated. I mean, if I don’t get a big number this week, what if I—”
“Cut the crap, Jen, and get on the scale.”
Claire has always had this weird ability to make me do things just with the power of her voice. I never understood it, and yet, I never fought her either.
So I shrugged off my sweater, handed it to her, and stepped onto the scale. I closed my eyes tight ly , too nervous to look. If this number was too small a change from the previous week, I would probably just quit like every other time. It wasn’t that I expected immediate, overnight success. I just needed to know when I checked in with that scale that something was going to be different. To k now that all of the pain and each one of those Oreos I denied myself w as somehow worthwhile. Why couldn’t I just trade in a half-pound of weight loss for every donut I passed up? That would be so much more motivating !
The scale did its thing with Claire watching and me nauseous, my eyes still closed. After a moment of painful silence, she slapped my arm.
“Open your eyes! Look, Jen!”
My eyes went to her first, and I was a bit taken aback by her look of total shock. Nervously, I glanced at the scale. Mostly out of curiosity. Had I gained weight after all of that? No! A number almost four pounds less than my previous week’s weight stared me in the face. I could hardly believe my eyes, so I rubbed them and looked again. Yup, that was right.
“Holy cow,” I said, a bit in awe.
“I know! Aren’t you excited?” Claire jumped up and down, clapping her hands. I stepped off the scale and hugged her. A moment like that, that’s what sisters are really for.
“Oh my God, Claire!” I had to wipe a few tears from my eyes, I was so overwhelmed. “I can’t believe that just happened.”
“See? It’s all gonna pay off. Stick with me, kid, and we’ll hit your goal in no time. We’re already ten-percent of the way there! ”
Slinging one arm around my shoulders, Claire guided me out of the bathroom and into the kitchen for lunch, talking about our next big plans together and how much weight I should expect to lose in the next few weeks , now that I ’d dropped some of the initial “water weight . ”
It felt good to be here in this mental space again, to be working on the new me. To be working toward a goal. I was actually proud of myself for doing something for me . Not for a grade, not for a raise, not for someone else’s praise. Just for Jennifer Smith.
****
With all th at excitement and newness sw irling around me during those days, it struck me as odd to have to do something as mundane as go to class. It was kind of
Teeth brushed, pajamas on, I turned out the light and climbed into my bed. I really wanted to let myself get swept away in this Olivia thing, but I knew that in the light of day, I would still be Jennifer.
****
The next few days flew by in all the activity of gym trips, friend requests, and healthy meals. After a full week of Claire-enforced diet and exercise, it was time for my first weigh-in. She’d made me climb onto a scale the previous Sunday and I still hadn’t quite forgiven her for the cruel and unusual punishment. Doing it again so soon was not something I was quite ready for.
“Can’t I wait another week so I can get a bigger result? I think that would really help to keep me motivated. I mean, if I don’t get a big number this week, what if I—”
“Cut the crap, Jen, and get on the scale.”
Claire has always had this weird ability to make me do things just with the power of her voice. I never understood it, and yet, I never fought her either.
So I shrugged off my sweater, handed it to her, and stepped onto the scale. I closed my eyes tight ly , too nervous to look. If this number was too small a change from the previous week, I would probably just quit like every other time. It wasn’t that I expected immediate, overnight success. I just needed to know when I checked in with that scale that something was going to be different. To k now that all of the pain and each one of those Oreos I denied myself w as somehow worthwhile. Why couldn’t I just trade in a half-pound of weight loss for every donut I passed up? That would be so much more motivating !
The scale did its thing with Claire watching and me nauseous, my eyes still closed. After a moment of painful silence, she slapped my arm.
“Open your eyes! Look, Jen!”
My eyes went to her first, and I was a bit taken aback by her look of total shock. Nervously, I glanced at the scale. Mostly out of curiosity. Had I gained weight after all of that? No! A number almost four pounds less than my previous week’s weight stared me in the face. I could hardly believe my eyes, so I rubbed them and looked again. Yup, that was right.
“Holy cow,” I said, a bit in awe.
“I know! Aren’t you excited?” Claire jumped up and down, clapping her hands. I stepped off the scale and hugged her. A moment like that, that’s what sisters are really for.
“Oh my God, Claire!” I had to wipe a few tears from my eyes, I was so overwhelmed. “I can’t believe that just happened.”
“See? It’s all gonna pay off. Stick with me, kid, and we’ll hit your goal in no time. We’re already ten-percent of the way there! ”
Slinging one arm around my shoulders, Claire guided me out of the bathroom and into the kitchen for lunch, talking about our next big plans together and how much weight I should expect to lose in the next few weeks , now that I ’d dropped some of the initial “water weight . ”
It felt good to be here in this mental space again, to be working on the new me. To be working toward a goal. I was actually proud of myself for doing something for me . Not for a grade, not for a raise, not for someone else’s praise. Just for Jennifer Smith.
****
With all th at excitement and newness sw irling around me during those days, it struck me as odd to have to do something as mundane as go to class. It was kind of
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