Read Online So Much Closer by Susane Colasanti - Free Book Online Page B

here,” I say.
    “From where?”
    “New Jersey.” The skyline of Jersey City glitters in the night. I love its shimmery reflection on the water. I try to look in the exact direction of my town, somewhere behind that glowing line of light. But I can’t figure out which way I’m from.
    Ree still gives me a pang of jealousy, with her warm social skills and her Sparkly City Girl ways. She’s had all these years to absorb the energy I’d been longing for. Being here is a given for her. I wonder if she takes it for granted. Or does she appreciate being here as much as I do?
    “How’s it going so far?” she asks.
    “Good. I’ve wanted to live here for a long time. I’m living with my dad now.”
    “It must be nice having him around.”
    “I wouldn’t know. He’s never home.” It happened again tonight. Dad didn’t even call or leave a note this time. This working-late thing is obviously a permanent condition. He tried to be around more the first few days I was here, but then quickly retreated back into his normal routine. It makes me feel like I’m not even here, like he’s not trying to make me a part of his life the way he said he wanted to.
    “Same with mine,” Ree says. “Is yours an investment banker?”
    “How’d you know?”
    “They’re all like that.”
    I guess her life isn’t as sparkly as I thought. Both of our dads ignore us. But I hope her dad didn’t do the horrible things mine did.

    When I get home, Dad hardly looks up from his laptop.
    “Hey there, kiddo,” he says like nothing’s wrong. “How was school?”
    “Fine.”
    “Good.”
    And that’s it. He just goes back to his laptop. No apology for not bothering to tell me he was working late again.
    It’s really annoying how he can change my mood from mellow to snarly in two seconds.
    I breeze past him on the way to the bathroom. I dump my clothes in the hamper and yank my robe on. I try to keep my anger under control while I take out my contacts. One of them almost gets ripped in half. Then I wash my face, remembering how peaceful everything was in the Zen garden, trying to think relaxing thoughts. Rage bubbles under the surface. Maybe I’ll just go to bed early and escape.
    But I can’t. Because I ran out earlier without eating anything, so now I’m really hungry. I encounter a problem in the kitchen. I’m craving cereal, but there’s no milk. What I’m craving even more is a home-cooked meal. Missing Mom’s cooking is the last thing I expected to be doing, but there you go. Takeout was fun for a while. Now it’s sort of sad.
    My craving clamors for a bowl of Froot Loops. If I don’t run out to the deli for milk, my craving will clamor even more. So I put on my glasses, throw my hair into a distressed ponytail, and pull on some old sweatpants with my vintage Late Night with David Letterman tee. I can’t be bothered to put on any makeup.
    Every night I search the neighborhood, hoping to find Scott. I’ve walked up and down his street so many times I know those buildings better than I knew the ones on my old street. But I never just go out looking for Scott without getting ready. Before I leave, I usually try on at least five different outfits. I check myself in the mirror way too many times. The possibility of finding him is always so exciting. Besides sitting next to Scott in class, it’s the best part of my day.
    But tonight, all I want to do is grab some milk and come back home and eat cereal and go to bed. I don’t think about what I’m wearing. I don’t think about how I look.
    So of course this is when I find Scott.
    I’m just leaving the deli when it happens. He’s kind of hard to miss. Since I smack right into him and all.
    “Hey!” he goes.
    I clutch my deli bag, saving the milk from falling at the last second. I do not look up. I cannot see Scott right now. More specifically, Scott cannot see me right now. I couldn’t possibly look any worse.
    “Um.” I focus on the sidewalk. “Hey,” I tell a