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Authors: Victoria Holt
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father in the face again.
And Miss Grey. What of her? I did not mind so much about her. She was not a lady. I knew that. That she was exceptionally beautiful and attractive I had to admit. I supposed she would be considered quite fascinating. But my father … how could he?
What should I do? What should I say when I met them? Say nothing, was the wise answer. Certainly not yet … not until I had thought how I must act.
If only Lilias were here how different it would be. But Lilias had gone. If she had not, Miss Grey would not be here.
My father had wanted Miss Grey to come to the house. It was fortuitous that Lilias had been dismissed for a crime of which I was certain she was innocent.
I was getting entangled in the maze of my thoughts. I felt lost, bewildered, completely shaken by this sudden understanding.
I WISHED that I could get away … out of this house. I was writing to Lilias but, of course, I could not mention in a letter what was in my mind. It would have been different if I could have talked to her.
My father did not notice the change in my attitude. It was different with Miss Grey. She noticed at once.
“Is anything troubling you, Davina?” she asked.
“No,” I lied.
“You seem …”
“How do I seem?”
She hesitated for a moment. “Different … as though you have something on your mind.”
I looked at her and I could not stop myself seeing her and my father on that bed as I had seen Kitty and Hamish. I felt sick.
“Do you feel all right?”
“Yes.”
“I think you might be sickening for something.”
Yes, I thought. I feel sick when I think about you and my father.
I hated him more than I did her. I thought: that is her way of life. She wasn’t really so shocked about Kitty and Hamish and didn’t pretend to be. She would say with Hamish: it’s human nature. Human nature for people like her and Hamish … and it seemed my father. He only held up his hands in horror when girls like Kitty succumbed to it. He went to church and prayed and thanked God that he was not as other men.
Then I started to think about Lilias. How strange that she should have been dismissed just when he wanted to bring another governess into the house. But Zillah Grey was not a governess. She was a Jolly Red Head. She was really a loose woman. That was what they called them. She was one of those and my father was by no means the good man he pretended to be.
My mind kept going back to Lilias. Who had put the necklace in her room? The more I thought of it the more strange it seemed. Could it be that my father had wanted Lilias out of the house so that he could conveniently bring Zillah Grey in … so that she could share his bed at night with the greatest ease?
He himself had selected her. He had said that. And it would have been impossible for her to masquerade as an educated woman, a proper governess, one of those genteel ladies who had fallen on hard times. So she had come to teach me the social graces. That was really amusing. I felt waves of bitterness sweeping over me.
What had this done to Lilias? She would have to go through life with that stigma upon her. People would say she had been dismissed for theft because a missing necklace was found in her room. I had always believed that someone had put it there. Now it seemed that someone might have had a reason for it, and I had a burning desire to find out who.
I could not imagine my father’s stealing into my room, taking the necklace and putting it into a drawer in Lilias’ room. That was beyond my imagination. But a short while ago should I have been able to visualise my father in positions which I could not get out of my mind?
I often found Miss Grey looking at me speculatively. I was betraying myself. I was not as skilled at subterfuge as they were.
I wondered whether Zillah Grey had guessed that I had discovered the truth about her relationship with my father. She was clearly a little anxious and I was not subtle enough to hide my
And Miss Grey. What of her? I did not mind so much about her. She was not a lady. I knew that. That she was exceptionally beautiful and attractive I had to admit. I supposed she would be considered quite fascinating. But my father … how could he?
What should I do? What should I say when I met them? Say nothing, was the wise answer. Certainly not yet … not until I had thought how I must act.
If only Lilias were here how different it would be. But Lilias had gone. If she had not, Miss Grey would not be here.
My father had wanted Miss Grey to come to the house. It was fortuitous that Lilias had been dismissed for a crime of which I was certain she was innocent.
I was getting entangled in the maze of my thoughts. I felt lost, bewildered, completely shaken by this sudden understanding.
I WISHED that I could get away … out of this house. I was writing to Lilias but, of course, I could not mention in a letter what was in my mind. It would have been different if I could have talked to her.
My father did not notice the change in my attitude. It was different with Miss Grey. She noticed at once.
“Is anything troubling you, Davina?” she asked.
“No,” I lied.
“You seem …”
“How do I seem?”
She hesitated for a moment. “Different … as though you have something on your mind.”
I looked at her and I could not stop myself seeing her and my father on that bed as I had seen Kitty and Hamish. I felt sick.
“Do you feel all right?”
“Yes.”
“I think you might be sickening for something.”
Yes, I thought. I feel sick when I think about you and my father.
I hated him more than I did her. I thought: that is her way of life. She wasn’t really so shocked about Kitty and Hamish and didn’t pretend to be. She would say with Hamish: it’s human nature. Human nature for people like her and Hamish … and it seemed my father. He only held up his hands in horror when girls like Kitty succumbed to it. He went to church and prayed and thanked God that he was not as other men.
Then I started to think about Lilias. How strange that she should have been dismissed just when he wanted to bring another governess into the house. But Zillah Grey was not a governess. She was a Jolly Red Head. She was really a loose woman. That was what they called them. She was one of those and my father was by no means the good man he pretended to be.
My mind kept going back to Lilias. Who had put the necklace in her room? The more I thought of it the more strange it seemed. Could it be that my father had wanted Lilias out of the house so that he could conveniently bring Zillah Grey in … so that she could share his bed at night with the greatest ease?
He himself had selected her. He had said that. And it would have been impossible for her to masquerade as an educated woman, a proper governess, one of those genteel ladies who had fallen on hard times. So she had come to teach me the social graces. That was really amusing. I felt waves of bitterness sweeping over me.
What had this done to Lilias? She would have to go through life with that stigma upon her. People would say she had been dismissed for theft because a missing necklace was found in her room. I had always believed that someone had put it there. Now it seemed that someone might have had a reason for it, and I had a burning desire to find out who.
I could not imagine my father’s stealing into my room, taking the necklace and putting it into a drawer in Lilias’ room. That was beyond my imagination. But a short while ago should I have been able to visualise my father in positions which I could not get out of my mind?
I often found Miss Grey looking at me speculatively. I was betraying myself. I was not as skilled at subterfuge as they were.
I wondered whether Zillah Grey had guessed that I had discovered the truth about her relationship with my father. She was clearly a little anxious and I was not subtle enough to hide my
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