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water they could've been on land. Women sunbathed and men played cards on the sprawling decks, while kids were nowhere to be seen--most likely because they were indoors, holed up with movies or video games in what had to be high-tech screening rooms.
Apparently, members of the Lighthouse Marina Resort and Spa joined not so that they had a place to anchor after a day on the water, but to have a place to anchor instead of going on the water.
"This isn't Winter Harbor," Simon said, watching a Lighthouse employee haul a case of Perrier up a ramp leading to The Excursion . "This isn't Caleb."
As a silver-haired older man in khaki shorts and a pink polo shirt greeted a kid at the top of the ramp, I pictured Justine's bulletin board. I could see the application, Mom's Post-it notes, the bold college logos as though they were plastered to the windshield in front of me instead of stuck to the corkboard three hundred miles away. And in the middle of it all--the blank personal essay. I no longer knew who Justine was, so I couldn't guess at who she wasn't.
You can look all you want ... but he has to want to be found... .
"Justine wasn't going to Dartmouth," I said, my voice level.
73
"For the past year she slept in a Dartmouth sweatshirt, carried a Dartmouth key chain, and used a Dartmouth umbrella when it rained. She convinced everyone who knew her--including me--that that's where she was headed at the end of the summer. When my parents asked about bills and paperwork, she told them it was taken care of." I turned to Simon when I felt his eyes on me. "But she lied. She didn't even apply. I had to find out by myself because she didn't tell me. And now she's not even here for me to ask why."
I felt better, lighter, as soon as the words were out. The guilt of not knowing was still there; that wouldn't go away when I said the truth aloud.
But at least now there was someone who could understand. Because Simon's head fell gently against the headrest as he looked at me, and I knew he felt guilty, too. I didn't want him to, nor did I think he should ... but I also knew he couldn't help it.
"We'll find him, Vanessa," he said, reaching one hand across the empty Squeezed cups and lifting a few stray strands of hair from my forehead. "I can't promise much, but I promise you that."
74
CHAPTER 6
"WHEN ARE YOU coming home?"
"Hi, Mom," I said.
"Your father says you're not sleeping." Her voice was tense; I could picture her in her signature black pantsuit, her laptop open on the kitchen table in front of her.
"I'm sleeping."
"Your father says you're not."
"When?" It was pointless to be annoyed, but I wasn't in the mood for a lecture. "When did Dad say that?"
"This morning."
"It's seven thirty. Dad rolled over and managed 'Vanessa's not sleeping' before you jumped out of bed and on the treadmill?"
Mom paused. "Vanessa, I will not apologize for being worried."
"Fine," I relented. "I apologize."
"Thank you. Now, how are you, really?"
"I'm fine, really."
75
"Are you about done doing whatever it is you're doing up there? There's a wonderful exhibit opening at the Museum of Fine Arts this weekend, and I've got tickets to the VIP reception. It's a garden party, and I saw a fabulous dress at Saks that would look stunning on you."
"I don't think I'll be back in time. But thank you for the thought."
"Sweetie, I know this is difficult, and I don't blame you for wanting to hide out. Do you think I don't need to talk myself out of bed every day?"
I did, actually, but knew better than to say so aloud.
"But people need people. Especially in times like these. That's why I went back to work."
"I have people here," I said.
"You do?" Her voice rose on "do." "Like whom?"
I looked at the kitchen entrance to Betty's. Probably better to leave that one alone for now. "Simon. He's home for the summer."
"Vanessa," she said, now sounding as concerned as if I'd said that Simon and I had just returned from a shotgun Vegas wedding. "I don't know that
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