wouldn’t be too much of a distance from where we already were. I didn’t think I had too much to lose.
“I got nervous. I really like you, more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. The more we are together, the more I feel this connection between us, and it is so powerful. I feel like it should scare me, or I should feel threatened by it, or something, but I don’t feel any of that. I want it to grow so big that it consumes me. Sometimes, I just want to get lost in you.
“In the elevator, I realized that I never even paused to consider our sleeping arrangements even once. I don’t have a time frame for how much time is required before I sleep with someone, but I’m also not known for sleeping around. I wait until I feel comfortable, but at least I stop and take a mental inventory to be sure I am comfortable. I didn’t even give it a thought with you. It was as if we had been together for years and had slept together a million times, it was such a natural thing.
“That was what did my head in. I had a moment of insecurity. I looked over at you and you looked so at ease. In the back of my mind, I wondered if you were having any of the same surreal thoughts I was, or if you were just more comfortable with the intensity between us, or if I was totally misreading the situation and this was just something far more casual for you. Unfortunately, this translated to a much more psychotic thought process in the front of my brain and I attributed it all to you just wanting to get in my pants, because that was much easier to confront than everything else.”
He smiled broadly. “That’s what I’ve been looking for, right there.”
“Uh, what?” I said, now more confused than before.
“That kind of unguarded honesty. You just put it all out there, showing me all that was inside you. Not just your head, but your heart as well.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and clasping his hands between them. “This is what draws me to you, Mimi. Your ability to take those kinds of risks with your emotions rather than wrapping yourself up in some kind of armor and hiding yourself away. Most people are afraid to be vulnerable, but you aren’t. You let people see you, really see you, and that’s beautiful. Your exterior is very attractive, don’t get me wrong. I think you are very sexy and I imagined having my hands all over you before I ever even spoke to you, but now that I know you, now that I have seen inside you, I crave your heart more than your body could ever satisfy.”
I couldn’t stop the tears that filled the corners of my eyes. If I’d had any doubts about him feeling the weight of the connection between us, they’d just been obliterated. He didn’t say he loved me, but he might as well have. He’d said he wanted—no craved—my heart. What he didn’t know at the time was he had already won it. I may have offered a little bit of myself just then, but Vance had always been the one completely unguarded, giving himself in large amounts, holding nothing back when we shared ourselves, our lives, our pasts with each other. Vance was the one who lived fearlessly. If I were to be perfectly honest, it was me who was doing the craving of hearts. How silly I was on the elevator? Vance and I had never even shared so much as a kiss. We had that near kiss before dinner the night before, but in the excitement of planning the trip, the opportunity never rose again. The night came to a close with just a warm hug at the door with Laurel and Pete in the living room watching us say goodbye. I was overcome with the urge to rectify that situation immediately. He had just given a very touching speech about how he wanted me emotionally far more than he was interested in me on a physical level, but what better way to express those feelings than by rubbing up against him like a cat marking its territory? It didn’t make a whole lot
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