Read Online Secrets Of The Heart (Book 1, The Heart Series) by Laurie LeClair - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Laurie LeClair
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colored her voice.
“It’s what I believe.”
“It’s what you’ve been force-fed for years,” she countered, irritating him. “I’m surprised at you, Nick, I’d heard you lost faith when Vinnie died. If you really had you wouldn’t be living by the church’s code of ethics any longer.”
“Damn it, Bree!” He sucked in a ragged breath. Dropping her hand, he broke their fragile connection. He clenched his hands into fists, warring against the truth of her words. “Maybe it’s my code of honor. Did you ever think of that?”
“And there’s no room for misdeeds, are there?” She sounded close to tears.
“Not in my book,” he bit out, knowing how unreasonable it sounded, yet sticking to his creed.
“You’re thinking everyone has to be this ultra-perfect, super person. We’re not robots, Nick. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves absolution.” She faced forward again, hugging her legs.
A wave of regret assaulted him at the total loss of contact and at the usual nasty end to their conversations. “You wouldn’t say that if you had to deal with some of the criminals I’ve met.”
He ached to feel the same as Bree. He admired her bottomless reservoir of forgiveness, her unshakable belief in people, in God. He failed to find the same sterling qualities in himself anymore, ones he once held dear. That hurt, nagging his conscience. He’d lost everything when he’d lost Vinnie, including himself.
“There are reasons why people do what they do. They may not be rational or even understandable justifications even to me, but I allow room for that difference of opinion.”
“Excuses, you mean.” He paused, heaving a sigh, trying to dislodge the ever present weight on his soul. He despised the hard, cynical edge he’d adopted when his son died. “Lord, I hate liars.” His faith in people had been sorely tested over the years. Doubts shadowed Nick, making him question the goodness, the honesty of others.
“Liars?” Her voice sounded empty.
He frowned. “You know, people who hide the truth.”
“Maybe you can get them to add lying to the seven deadly sins, bringing the number to eight.”
Her sarcasm cut deep. “It’s got nothing to do with religion. I can’t count the times I’ve had someone lie to my face. Lying is the one thing I will never tolerate.” Hadn’t he lived with a barrel full of lies with Dorthea?
“Even if it’s for a good cause?”
“No motive holds water against honesty.”
She turned to him abruptly, taking him by surprise. In the dim light he watched her shadowed eyes shift back and forth, clearly trying to find a crack in his armor. Something in the way she searched signaled his suspicions. His gut churned, bile rising to his throat. He nearly choked on the bitterness.
“I’m warning you now. Don’t ever lie to me, Bree.”
She stilled, letting the pulsing silence blanket him. “Who made you judge and jury? Tell me? Is being a cop so damn important that you see things only as right and wrong? What about compassion for others, for yourself?”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“God, Nick, haven’t you ever done something you’ve regretted, something you couldn’t take back, but wish to hell you could? And in order to be able to look in the mirror every morning you’ve had to forgive yourself just so you could go on living?”
Something inside Nick fragmented into a thousand little pieces like shards of splintered glass. How could she know the demons he fought? “I can never grant myself mercy for what I did.”
“What could you have done that’s so bad? What could be so awful?” Her puzzled tone tore at him, jabbing at his loyalty, his honor.
He gave her one from a list of many, the one that would end this painful interrogation. “Kissing my son’s wife.”
Her shocked gasp rent the air. She moaned as if in pain. The sound tore him in two. “If you haven’t been able to pardon yourself, then I have no chance, do I?”
Nick dragged a
“It’s what I believe.”
“It’s what you’ve been force-fed for years,” she countered, irritating him. “I’m surprised at you, Nick, I’d heard you lost faith when Vinnie died. If you really had you wouldn’t be living by the church’s code of ethics any longer.”
“Damn it, Bree!” He sucked in a ragged breath. Dropping her hand, he broke their fragile connection. He clenched his hands into fists, warring against the truth of her words. “Maybe it’s my code of honor. Did you ever think of that?”
“And there’s no room for misdeeds, are there?” She sounded close to tears.
“Not in my book,” he bit out, knowing how unreasonable it sounded, yet sticking to his creed.
“You’re thinking everyone has to be this ultra-perfect, super person. We’re not robots, Nick. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves absolution.” She faced forward again, hugging her legs.
A wave of regret assaulted him at the total loss of contact and at the usual nasty end to their conversations. “You wouldn’t say that if you had to deal with some of the criminals I’ve met.”
He ached to feel the same as Bree. He admired her bottomless reservoir of forgiveness, her unshakable belief in people, in God. He failed to find the same sterling qualities in himself anymore, ones he once held dear. That hurt, nagging his conscience. He’d lost everything when he’d lost Vinnie, including himself.
“There are reasons why people do what they do. They may not be rational or even understandable justifications even to me, but I allow room for that difference of opinion.”
“Excuses, you mean.” He paused, heaving a sigh, trying to dislodge the ever present weight on his soul. He despised the hard, cynical edge he’d adopted when his son died. “Lord, I hate liars.” His faith in people had been sorely tested over the years. Doubts shadowed Nick, making him question the goodness, the honesty of others.
“Liars?” Her voice sounded empty.
He frowned. “You know, people who hide the truth.”
“Maybe you can get them to add lying to the seven deadly sins, bringing the number to eight.”
Her sarcasm cut deep. “It’s got nothing to do with religion. I can’t count the times I’ve had someone lie to my face. Lying is the one thing I will never tolerate.” Hadn’t he lived with a barrel full of lies with Dorthea?
“Even if it’s for a good cause?”
“No motive holds water against honesty.”
She turned to him abruptly, taking him by surprise. In the dim light he watched her shadowed eyes shift back and forth, clearly trying to find a crack in his armor. Something in the way she searched signaled his suspicions. His gut churned, bile rising to his throat. He nearly choked on the bitterness.
“I’m warning you now. Don’t ever lie to me, Bree.”
She stilled, letting the pulsing silence blanket him. “Who made you judge and jury? Tell me? Is being a cop so damn important that you see things only as right and wrong? What about compassion for others, for yourself?”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“God, Nick, haven’t you ever done something you’ve regretted, something you couldn’t take back, but wish to hell you could? And in order to be able to look in the mirror every morning you’ve had to forgive yourself just so you could go on living?”
Something inside Nick fragmented into a thousand little pieces like shards of splintered glass. How could she know the demons he fought? “I can never grant myself mercy for what I did.”
“What could you have done that’s so bad? What could be so awful?” Her puzzled tone tore at him, jabbing at his loyalty, his honor.
He gave her one from a list of many, the one that would end this painful interrogation. “Kissing my son’s wife.”
Her shocked gasp rent the air. She moaned as if in pain. The sound tore him in two. “If you haven’t been able to pardon yourself, then I have no chance, do I?”
Nick dragged a
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