home,â she said.
âHave a good time,â I told her. I tried not to sound bitter.
âThanks. Iâll call you if itâs not too late when I get home.â She paused in the doorway. âDo you think you might want to do something this weekend?â
âNo,â I said sharply and quickly. She nodded. I knew she was bored with just coming over to spend time mostly in my room. âBut you do something. Donât worry about me.â
âWeâll see. âBye,â she said.
I tried to go back to the math homework, but I couldnât concentrate. I slammed the book shut, went to the window, and watched Lila get onto her bike and start off. As she sailed down the driveway and out the gate, I realized that I felt like a prisoner, a prisoner of grief.
The dining-room table was barren and bleak without Lila, Willie, Uncle Bobby, or my grandmother Sanders and my great-aunt Sally joining us. These past few nights were all difficult. I know Grandpa was trying to look as comfortable and happy as he could. This evening, My Faith had made something we both loved, her special meat loaf and incredibly delicious mashed potatoes. They were practically the only potatoes Willie would finish. Usually, Grandpa drank wine with his dinner, but he wasnât drinking any tonight. We had yet to have a private conversation about our tragedy. Usually, Lila was here or he was at work right after dinner in his house office, but tonight I could feel it coming, the way you could feel an impending thunderstorm. My whole body tensed up, and even the little appetite I had was threatened.
He didnât start talking until we had been served our meal. He complimented My Faith, as he always did. Myra was having her dinner in her room. She was finally admitting to her aches and pains, and I imagined she was more exhausted than any of us, with the combination of grief and injuries.
âI have survived our terrible share of sorrow, Clara Sue,â he began, âby making myself work harderand do what I could to avoid thinking about it all. Weâre never going to stop hurting over Willie, but weâve got to do the best we can so that everyone weâve lost would be proud of us. Right?â
âYes, Grandpa.â
âSo, youâre going back to school on Monday?â
âYes.â
He ate and thought, and I ate, avoiding looking at the chair where Willie would sit. I knew I was eating faster than usual just to get it over with and hurry out. Would I avoid every place in this house where I could envision Willie?
âYou donât know,â my grandfather began again, âbut one of your grandmotherâs and my favorite charities is something called Angel View. Itâs an organization dedicated to providing assistance to handicapped children. I mean, we do our share of charity contributions, but that one was at the top of your grandmotherâs list. She even volunteered to work at their center in Charlottesville occasionally. I donât think you knew that.â
I shook my head.
âShe wasnât one to talk about what she did for others. Unlike a lot of people I know, here especially, she just did it and didnât ask anyone for any thanks or recognition. If anything, that embarrassed her and took away from the main goalâhelping someone in need.â
I paused. I could feel it. He was leading up to something, something to do with the poisoned boy.
âItâs good to think of people other than yourself, especially when youâre suffering some disappointment or tragedy.â
âI donât want to ever stop thinking about Willie,â I said firmly.
âOf course, you shouldnât, and neither should I. We should cherish his memory, and I plan to create an endowment in his name,â he said. âYouâll be with me when we establish it.â
âWhat sort of endowment, Grandpa?â
âIâm not sure yet. Maybe a grant or an
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