had deserted her and the boy. That she could even think such a thing showed, she thought despondently, how far apart they now were, how very unsuited. And, saddest of all, she felt that she could hardly blame him if he did desert them. He was the last man on earth to settle down happily to marriage and raising a family. She realised that now. The ignorant girl who had tumbled headlong in love with a handsome face now seemed like another person to her.
And yet, such benefits as this hasty marriage had brought had been to her. She had escaped from her family and the threat of marriage to Mr Wintermaine, and for a time had been very happy indeed. And whatever happened, she had her son. All Robert had gained was two extra mouths to feed, a responsibility he’d never sought for two other lives.
She wondered if he’d ever really loved her. She was certain he hadn’t. Had what she felt for him been love? No, in the dark hours of the night she decided it had been more a craving for affection on her side, something she had never known from her family.
She wondered, as she sometimes did, if she should have obeyed her parents and married Mr Wintermaine. At least with him she’d have had a comfortable life and her children would have had a roof over their heads and good food in their bellies.
Yes, but they might have resembled Mr Wintermaine , said the stubborn voice which sometimes spoke inside her head when she tried to lie to herself, and then you might not have loved them as you love Harry!
She felt absolutely sure that the curate’s children couldn’t possibly have been as beautiful as Harry, so the fantasy of a secure home never lasted for more than a minute or two. She had made her bed and must now lie in it.
In the morning things seemed a little brighter, the landlady a trifle less surly and even the food more palatable. Her gown had dried overnight and the smell had gone from it now, so Robert wouldn’t feel ashamed to be with her. She wouldn’t have bothered to buy breakfast for herself, but the landlady clearly expected her to spend some money and besides, Harry was hungry.
As she sat in the busy common room of the inn, watching the other travellers - a seedy, furtive lot - Helen told herself she’d been foolish to fret away the night. Of course Robert wouldn’t have deserted them. Of course he would come back today.
When they went back up to their room, she washed her hair and some of Harry's clothes, bribing the chambermaid to fetch up some water. Then she played with her son and tried to wait patiently for her husband to return.
It was hard to be patient, though, when she was eager to get out and see something of London! When worries would keep creeping into her mind.
Robert sauntered in during the afternoon, looking very pleased with himself.
‘Oh, I'm so glad you're all right!’ exclaimed Helen. ‘I was worried when you didn't come back!’
He patted her shoulder. ‘You look a lot better today. You should wash your hair more often.
And that dress you were wearing smelled awful.’
‘Where did you go?’
‘Oh, here and there. I ran into a few old friends and we had some drinks. I’m afraid I drank a bit too much, for we cracked on till quite late, so in the end, I slept on their couch. Cabs can cost a lot in London, especially late at night, and it's dangerous to go out on foot alone after dark.’
He went to study his reflection in the mirror and added airily, ‘You'll get used to my staying out overnight sometimes in London, I dare say. It's much safer than walking back through the dark streets.’
She nodded, wrinkling her nose, trying to trace the smell. Was it hair oil? It had a very flowery aroma to it, not the sort of perfume men usually wore. She hoped Robert had only borrowed some from a friend, for she couldn’t like it on him. ‘Yes, I suppose so.’
‘So, wife, I've been busy on our behalf,’ he announced, lounging in the one comfortable chair and looking very smug.
He
And yet, such benefits as this hasty marriage had brought had been to her. She had escaped from her family and the threat of marriage to Mr Wintermaine, and for a time had been very happy indeed. And whatever happened, she had her son. All Robert had gained was two extra mouths to feed, a responsibility he’d never sought for two other lives.
She wondered if he’d ever really loved her. She was certain he hadn’t. Had what she felt for him been love? No, in the dark hours of the night she decided it had been more a craving for affection on her side, something she had never known from her family.
She wondered, as she sometimes did, if she should have obeyed her parents and married Mr Wintermaine. At least with him she’d have had a comfortable life and her children would have had a roof over their heads and good food in their bellies.
Yes, but they might have resembled Mr Wintermaine , said the stubborn voice which sometimes spoke inside her head when she tried to lie to herself, and then you might not have loved them as you love Harry!
She felt absolutely sure that the curate’s children couldn’t possibly have been as beautiful as Harry, so the fantasy of a secure home never lasted for more than a minute or two. She had made her bed and must now lie in it.
In the morning things seemed a little brighter, the landlady a trifle less surly and even the food more palatable. Her gown had dried overnight and the smell had gone from it now, so Robert wouldn’t feel ashamed to be with her. She wouldn’t have bothered to buy breakfast for herself, but the landlady clearly expected her to spend some money and besides, Harry was hungry.
As she sat in the busy common room of the inn, watching the other travellers - a seedy, furtive lot - Helen told herself she’d been foolish to fret away the night. Of course Robert wouldn’t have deserted them. Of course he would come back today.
When they went back up to their room, she washed her hair and some of Harry's clothes, bribing the chambermaid to fetch up some water. Then she played with her son and tried to wait patiently for her husband to return.
It was hard to be patient, though, when she was eager to get out and see something of London! When worries would keep creeping into her mind.
Robert sauntered in during the afternoon, looking very pleased with himself.
‘Oh, I'm so glad you're all right!’ exclaimed Helen. ‘I was worried when you didn't come back!’
He patted her shoulder. ‘You look a lot better today. You should wash your hair more often.
And that dress you were wearing smelled awful.’
‘Where did you go?’
‘Oh, here and there. I ran into a few old friends and we had some drinks. I’m afraid I drank a bit too much, for we cracked on till quite late, so in the end, I slept on their couch. Cabs can cost a lot in London, especially late at night, and it's dangerous to go out on foot alone after dark.’
He went to study his reflection in the mirror and added airily, ‘You'll get used to my staying out overnight sometimes in London, I dare say. It's much safer than walking back through the dark streets.’
She nodded, wrinkling her nose, trying to trace the smell. Was it hair oil? It had a very flowery aroma to it, not the sort of perfume men usually wore. She hoped Robert had only borrowed some from a friend, for she couldn’t like it on him. ‘Yes, I suppose so.’
‘So, wife, I've been busy on our behalf,’ he announced, lounging in the one comfortable chair and looking very smug.
He
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