Read Online Scarred (Lost Series Book 2) by LeTeisha Newton - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: LeTeisha Newton
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like some fucking ragdoll, and then get bitchy because you gave me nightmares?”
The anger felt good. I felt like I had some control. I had a way of fighting. I couldn’t roll over and give in as if my wants and needs meant nothing. I came to him to find a way to fight, and I was going to learn how. Tooth and nail. Inch by inch. I was going to make it.
Or die trying.
“You wanted what I did to you. He can never compare to me.” Ethan’s voice was dark and low as he leaned toward me. I forced myself to hold my ground.
“Big fucking deal. You can hold a woman down half your size and take what you want.”
He smiled. A cruel, farce of a lopsided smile that made my insides clench with desire. “I don’t have to hold you down to get what I want. Whatever gave you that impression?”
I trembled, suddenly cold and my anger washing out of me like so much water.
“If I wanted you spread out before me so I could eat your pussy until I was full, you’d do it. If I wanted you to hold that headboard while I fucked that ass, you’d do it. And River, if I told you come from it, over and over again, you would. My voice is all I need.”
Deep and gravely, his voice pierced me in places I couldn’t keep hidden. In spots I didn’t know were there. He touched me in parts of myself I thought only belonged to me.
“What is wrong with me?” I asked it out loud but I hadn’t meant to.
“Nothing. You’re a sub, River. It’s that simple. No man could beat it into you, or out of you. There will never be a time you don’t want to give in. It’s the men you’ve chosen, River. You need control in a way most couldn’t hope to give you, and the ones who can don’t have it in them to love you like you want.”
“I don’t want love, I just want to be safe.”
“Oh, you want love. You want that missing softness that will give you security. It’s impossible to give, and not worth it to pine over.”
Did I want love? Did I even know what it looked like? I didn’t know, and I couldn’t know. But I understood what Ethan was saying, and I felt the truthfulness in each word. Somehow, I had to get some ground to stand on, some way to hold onto my sanity. I didn’t want to disappear beneath Ethan’s thumb and become nonexistent. Submission and slavery were two very different things.
But if I gave in, gave him what we both really wanted, could he temper it enough that I could feel free? I was too afraid to ask, but more petrified of losing myself. So, I lifted my head, took a deep breath, and asked the question that could shatter me, or save me.
“If I…”
“Go ahead, River. Ask me what you want.” That same cruel smile. I couldn’t tell if this was the best decision or not, or how he would react. But I didn’t think I had any other choice.
“If I give in. If I admit that I want your control, the way you give it to me, can we start over? Can we stick to our agreement? I won’t fight you anymore, and I’ll do whatever you tell me. Anything. And after I kill Derrick, I won’t care about fighting anymore.”
I closed my eyes after I finished, too afraid to see his face. That smile was burned into my mind, taunting me in the darkness. I’d exposed my soul to him, given voice to my needs, and maybe giving myself a way to learn more about who I was. This dark creature inside of me wanted things I couldn’t stomach, that I couldn’t understand. But Ethan spoke that language fluently, and I could, at least, trust he would give me everything I could ever dream of, and more.
“Open your eyes and look at me. Learn to face your consequences, eyes wide open. Hiding in the dark won’t make them easier to handle.”
I opened my eyes and my gaze was swallowed into his nearly black one. He held me there, waiting, and I barely breathed. I could feel my heart pounding, taste the anxiety on my tongue. Even that somehow was sexy, dirty, disgusting, and oh so perfect. He placed two fingers under my chin and used them to
The anger felt good. I felt like I had some control. I had a way of fighting. I couldn’t roll over and give in as if my wants and needs meant nothing. I came to him to find a way to fight, and I was going to learn how. Tooth and nail. Inch by inch. I was going to make it.
Or die trying.
“You wanted what I did to you. He can never compare to me.” Ethan’s voice was dark and low as he leaned toward me. I forced myself to hold my ground.
“Big fucking deal. You can hold a woman down half your size and take what you want.”
He smiled. A cruel, farce of a lopsided smile that made my insides clench with desire. “I don’t have to hold you down to get what I want. Whatever gave you that impression?”
I trembled, suddenly cold and my anger washing out of me like so much water.
“If I wanted you spread out before me so I could eat your pussy until I was full, you’d do it. If I wanted you to hold that headboard while I fucked that ass, you’d do it. And River, if I told you come from it, over and over again, you would. My voice is all I need.”
Deep and gravely, his voice pierced me in places I couldn’t keep hidden. In spots I didn’t know were there. He touched me in parts of myself I thought only belonged to me.
“What is wrong with me?” I asked it out loud but I hadn’t meant to.
“Nothing. You’re a sub, River. It’s that simple. No man could beat it into you, or out of you. There will never be a time you don’t want to give in. It’s the men you’ve chosen, River. You need control in a way most couldn’t hope to give you, and the ones who can don’t have it in them to love you like you want.”
“I don’t want love, I just want to be safe.”
“Oh, you want love. You want that missing softness that will give you security. It’s impossible to give, and not worth it to pine over.”
Did I want love? Did I even know what it looked like? I didn’t know, and I couldn’t know. But I understood what Ethan was saying, and I felt the truthfulness in each word. Somehow, I had to get some ground to stand on, some way to hold onto my sanity. I didn’t want to disappear beneath Ethan’s thumb and become nonexistent. Submission and slavery were two very different things.
But if I gave in, gave him what we both really wanted, could he temper it enough that I could feel free? I was too afraid to ask, but more petrified of losing myself. So, I lifted my head, took a deep breath, and asked the question that could shatter me, or save me.
“If I…”
“Go ahead, River. Ask me what you want.” That same cruel smile. I couldn’t tell if this was the best decision or not, or how he would react. But I didn’t think I had any other choice.
“If I give in. If I admit that I want your control, the way you give it to me, can we start over? Can we stick to our agreement? I won’t fight you anymore, and I’ll do whatever you tell me. Anything. And after I kill Derrick, I won’t care about fighting anymore.”
I closed my eyes after I finished, too afraid to see his face. That smile was burned into my mind, taunting me in the darkness. I’d exposed my soul to him, given voice to my needs, and maybe giving myself a way to learn more about who I was. This dark creature inside of me wanted things I couldn’t stomach, that I couldn’t understand. But Ethan spoke that language fluently, and I could, at least, trust he would give me everything I could ever dream of, and more.
“Open your eyes and look at me. Learn to face your consequences, eyes wide open. Hiding in the dark won’t make them easier to handle.”
I opened my eyes and my gaze was swallowed into his nearly black one. He held me there, waiting, and I barely breathed. I could feel my heart pounding, taste the anxiety on my tongue. Even that somehow was sexy, dirty, disgusting, and oh so perfect. He placed two fingers under my chin and used them to
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