at it. I was hurt and confused.
I think the girls wanted me to come back to Van's with them, but I climbed out of the SUV and thanked them for being there for me. I waved as they pulled away and went into the house. Even walking into Conner's bedroom made me upset. I plopped down face first onto his bed and let go. His covers smelled of him and all I wanted was to be back at home and in his arms where I had always felt so safe.
After it had gotten dark and a good hour had passed, I went in and ran myself a bath. I was laying in the tub with my eyes closed when I felt the strangest feeling. This flutter feeling was tickling my stomach from the inside. Miranda had told me that I would know it when I felt my baby for the first time. I sat right up in the tub and held onto my stomach, just waiting for it to happen again. Sure enough, after a couple of moments, I felt the flutters again. This time, I could feel them very faintly against my hand. I was over five months and should have felt this much sooner. Maybe I just hadn't relaxed enough to notice. I guess I could have felt it and thought it was just gas, but this was very obvious.
I laid in the tub feeling my tiny little baby moving around inside of me. Different tears filled my eyes. It was like my baby was reminding me what was important. This trip was about family and love. It wasn't about Conner's past or the friends that were still too consumed with their immaturity to notice a changed man when they see it. I knew Conner's love was real. I'd been foolish to even consider that it wasn't.
I climbed out of the tub and got dressed before grabbing my phone out of my purse.
I had seven messages from Conner.
What happened?
Why did you guys leave?
That girl meant nothing, Blaze. I swear it.
Please call me
I'm getting worried about you. Randa said you went back to Mom’s alone. On way home now.
I heard the door opening and sat the phone down on the bed next to me. Conner flew into the room and looked right at me. "What the hell happened?"
I shook my head. "Nothing! Don't even worry about it."
"The hell I ain't. You just got up and left. Are you pissed about Amber? Is that it?"
I held up my hands and could feel the baby moving around again. "Conner, please! I don't want to talk about it."
"What did she say to you? Amy, it was a long damn time ago. I never lied to you about my past. You told me it didn't matter. Now you're changin' your mind."
I stood up and looked right at him. "No, I'm not! I'm sorry that I wasn't prepared to run into one of your ex's."
"She ain't an ex. I just fucked her a couple of times."
I could feel the bile making its way to my mouth. I hated when he said it like that. "Just shut up! I don't want to hear about it."
"If you can't handle hearin' about my past, then why are you even with me?"
His words were cold and defensive and after feeling upset from before, this only added to my emotional breakdown. I covered my face with my hands and cried harder. When I felt Conner's hands wrapping around me, I didn't fight him. As disgusted as I was, I just wanted to feel him this close.
"Darlin', I can't change things. You have to know that you're all I want. Everyone has a past. I ain't that proud of mine, but if I didn't have a fucked up past, I would have never found you. I knew this day would come, I just didn't think it would be right now."
I pulled away from him so I could see those beautiful green eyes. "I want this."
He kissed my forehead and pulled me against his chest again. "It ain't like I would have let you walk away. You know I get what I want, Blaze."
I finally relaxed enough to let myself laugh at his sarcasm. When I sat down on the bed, I grabbed his hand and pulled him down with me. "There's something I want you to feel."
I placed his hand on my belly and laid down flat. I wasn't sure if he would be able to feel it. I knew it wouldn't be as strong as it was for me, but I was hoping he could feel something. I saw his
I think the girls wanted me to come back to Van's with them, but I climbed out of the SUV and thanked them for being there for me. I waved as they pulled away and went into the house. Even walking into Conner's bedroom made me upset. I plopped down face first onto his bed and let go. His covers smelled of him and all I wanted was to be back at home and in his arms where I had always felt so safe.
After it had gotten dark and a good hour had passed, I went in and ran myself a bath. I was laying in the tub with my eyes closed when I felt the strangest feeling. This flutter feeling was tickling my stomach from the inside. Miranda had told me that I would know it when I felt my baby for the first time. I sat right up in the tub and held onto my stomach, just waiting for it to happen again. Sure enough, after a couple of moments, I felt the flutters again. This time, I could feel them very faintly against my hand. I was over five months and should have felt this much sooner. Maybe I just hadn't relaxed enough to notice. I guess I could have felt it and thought it was just gas, but this was very obvious.
I laid in the tub feeling my tiny little baby moving around inside of me. Different tears filled my eyes. It was like my baby was reminding me what was important. This trip was about family and love. It wasn't about Conner's past or the friends that were still too consumed with their immaturity to notice a changed man when they see it. I knew Conner's love was real. I'd been foolish to even consider that it wasn't.
I climbed out of the tub and got dressed before grabbing my phone out of my purse.
I had seven messages from Conner.
What happened?
Why did you guys leave?
That girl meant nothing, Blaze. I swear it.
Please call me
I'm getting worried about you. Randa said you went back to Mom’s alone. On way home now.
I heard the door opening and sat the phone down on the bed next to me. Conner flew into the room and looked right at me. "What the hell happened?"
I shook my head. "Nothing! Don't even worry about it."
"The hell I ain't. You just got up and left. Are you pissed about Amber? Is that it?"
I held up my hands and could feel the baby moving around again. "Conner, please! I don't want to talk about it."
"What did she say to you? Amy, it was a long damn time ago. I never lied to you about my past. You told me it didn't matter. Now you're changin' your mind."
I stood up and looked right at him. "No, I'm not! I'm sorry that I wasn't prepared to run into one of your ex's."
"She ain't an ex. I just fucked her a couple of times."
I could feel the bile making its way to my mouth. I hated when he said it like that. "Just shut up! I don't want to hear about it."
"If you can't handle hearin' about my past, then why are you even with me?"
His words were cold and defensive and after feeling upset from before, this only added to my emotional breakdown. I covered my face with my hands and cried harder. When I felt Conner's hands wrapping around me, I didn't fight him. As disgusted as I was, I just wanted to feel him this close.
"Darlin', I can't change things. You have to know that you're all I want. Everyone has a past. I ain't that proud of mine, but if I didn't have a fucked up past, I would have never found you. I knew this day would come, I just didn't think it would be right now."
I pulled away from him so I could see those beautiful green eyes. "I want this."
He kissed my forehead and pulled me against his chest again. "It ain't like I would have let you walk away. You know I get what I want, Blaze."
I finally relaxed enough to let myself laugh at his sarcasm. When I sat down on the bed, I grabbed his hand and pulled him down with me. "There's something I want you to feel."
I placed his hand on my belly and laid down flat. I wasn't sure if he would be able to feel it. I knew it wouldn't be as strong as it was for me, but I was hoping he could feel something. I saw his
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