chance to stand by me, then you did the same thing to me. You didn’t tell me what you really needed.”
Yes, because that would have been so easy. “And if I’d told you I needed you to marry me? If I’d told you I needed to have an equal say in our lives?”
His voice was steady as he spoke and he looked straight into her eyes. “Anywhere but the bedroom and we could negotiate. Hell, even there, I’m open.”
Sweet words. “Maybe now, but then?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said with a long sigh. “I was a different person then, but so were you, and we owe it to each other to try again. Jillian, I’ve never felt for any other woman the way I feel for you. I’ve regretted failing you for a year and a half. It’s eaten away at me. I love you. I made a mistake, but you’re making one, too, if you don’t give it a second chance. Can you honestly say you haven’t missed me?”
Only every minute of every single day. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t trust you again.”
“I can earn your trust back.” Ryan reached out again, but he only touched her shoulder. “We’ll take things slowly. Have lunch with me. Once a week. Just give me one hour out of the week and we’ll talk. No pressure. No expectations.”
And she would fall for it all over again. No. She wasn’t going to do this again. She wasn’t going to let him screw her over. She’d been so pathetic, just nodding and getting her suitcase. She should have turned on him. She should have told him exactly how she felt. Angry. Just like she did now, except she wasn’t such a disgusting little wimp now. “I have zero interest in seeing you again, Ryan. There is no way I would ever go back to the type of relationship we had back then. I can forgive you because I realize that you’re just not capable of actual love. You’re hollow on the inside. You’re lovely to look at, but you’re not man enough for me. So you can take your lunches and waste some other sub’s time. I’m looking for someone I can actually rely on.”
The minute she finished, she wished she could call the words back. His eyebrow ticked above his eye and he’d gone pale.
He looked away from her for a moment and his eyes were haunted when he finally looked back. “I still think you should let me help you. I have some money saved up. I can get you and your sister into a better place.”
And then she would be in his debt. “I think you should leave, Ryan.”
The yelling outside was getting louder. It seemed like the couple down the hall had moved their violent argument into the hallway.
“I can’t leave you here. You can hate me all you like, Jillian, but I still love you. I’ll honor your desires, I really will. I’ll be polite at work and I won’t make anything uncomfortable for you, but you can’t expect me to walk away knowing how dangerous it is here.”
A female scream punctuated his words, and Ryan had his phone in hand. “You get into the back bedroom. I’m calling the police.”
He couldn’t possibly know that this was just a regular Friday night for those two. She’d done the best she could, and he was making her feel like she couldn’t handle it. She’d had to handle it because he’d shoved her out.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Ryan. I’m in charge of this household.” She strode to the door, throwing it open. The minute she did, she realized that of all the mistakes she’d made this evening, this was the worst.
“You want to cheat on me?” A man with stringy hair was holding a knife, pointing it at his wife. “I’ll kill you, bitch. You don’t have the nerve to shoot me.”
“Jillian!” Ryan reached for her arm, but it was too late.
The woman in the hallway closed her eyes and pulled the trigger, but her aim was off and Jill was shocked by the pain that tore through her.
“Oh, fuck.” Ryan scooped her up, but the damage was done.
She saw blood and her vision dimmed, and she wished she had one more moment. Just one.
The world went
Yes, because that would have been so easy. “And if I’d told you I needed you to marry me? If I’d told you I needed to have an equal say in our lives?”
His voice was steady as he spoke and he looked straight into her eyes. “Anywhere but the bedroom and we could negotiate. Hell, even there, I’m open.”
Sweet words. “Maybe now, but then?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said with a long sigh. “I was a different person then, but so were you, and we owe it to each other to try again. Jillian, I’ve never felt for any other woman the way I feel for you. I’ve regretted failing you for a year and a half. It’s eaten away at me. I love you. I made a mistake, but you’re making one, too, if you don’t give it a second chance. Can you honestly say you haven’t missed me?”
Only every minute of every single day. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t trust you again.”
“I can earn your trust back.” Ryan reached out again, but he only touched her shoulder. “We’ll take things slowly. Have lunch with me. Once a week. Just give me one hour out of the week and we’ll talk. No pressure. No expectations.”
And she would fall for it all over again. No. She wasn’t going to do this again. She wasn’t going to let him screw her over. She’d been so pathetic, just nodding and getting her suitcase. She should have turned on him. She should have told him exactly how she felt. Angry. Just like she did now, except she wasn’t such a disgusting little wimp now. “I have zero interest in seeing you again, Ryan. There is no way I would ever go back to the type of relationship we had back then. I can forgive you because I realize that you’re just not capable of actual love. You’re hollow on the inside. You’re lovely to look at, but you’re not man enough for me. So you can take your lunches and waste some other sub’s time. I’m looking for someone I can actually rely on.”
The minute she finished, she wished she could call the words back. His eyebrow ticked above his eye and he’d gone pale.
He looked away from her for a moment and his eyes were haunted when he finally looked back. “I still think you should let me help you. I have some money saved up. I can get you and your sister into a better place.”
And then she would be in his debt. “I think you should leave, Ryan.”
The yelling outside was getting louder. It seemed like the couple down the hall had moved their violent argument into the hallway.
“I can’t leave you here. You can hate me all you like, Jillian, but I still love you. I’ll honor your desires, I really will. I’ll be polite at work and I won’t make anything uncomfortable for you, but you can’t expect me to walk away knowing how dangerous it is here.”
A female scream punctuated his words, and Ryan had his phone in hand. “You get into the back bedroom. I’m calling the police.”
He couldn’t possibly know that this was just a regular Friday night for those two. She’d done the best she could, and he was making her feel like she couldn’t handle it. She’d had to handle it because he’d shoved her out.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Ryan. I’m in charge of this household.” She strode to the door, throwing it open. The minute she did, she realized that of all the mistakes she’d made this evening, this was the worst.
“You want to cheat on me?” A man with stringy hair was holding a knife, pointing it at his wife. “I’ll kill you, bitch. You don’t have the nerve to shoot me.”
“Jillian!” Ryan reached for her arm, but it was too late.
The woman in the hallway closed her eyes and pulled the trigger, but her aim was off and Jill was shocked by the pain that tore through her.
“Oh, fuck.” Ryan scooped her up, but the damage was done.
She saw blood and her vision dimmed, and she wished she had one more moment. Just one.
The world went
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