Read Online Rodeo (BBW Cowboy Romance) (BBW Western Romance) by Cristina Grenier - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Cristina Grenier
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wrong could I have been? I was John's first wife so I had no comparison to liken our breakdown to, he'd almost got engaged once but had told me that she'd betrayed his trust on a business deal. Our business lives were very separate so there was no chance of that happening, it just seemed to me that John lived, breathed and absorbed business only; a wife was something of a social expectancy.
My emotions were so up and down, a part of me wanted it all to be sorted out, a big misunderstanding on John's part. Another part of me wished it was a storm in a teacup and tomorrow it would all blow over and then a bigger part of me just wanted to get my things and run out of there as fast as I could. The empty bed seemed so huge in comparison to John filling his side and sensing his presence throughout the night or him getting up before me in the morning, I missed being able to reach over and wrap my arms around his middle for him then to snuggle into my arched body. I ached for him, physically as well as mentally. I had to try to solve this, this was what I was supposedly good at for God's sake, it was time to take some action, if it was meant to be then it was meant to be but I couldn't leave him without trying.
I decided a letter would be the best course of action, sometimes when you try to speak with someone you get interrupted or you say it in the wrong manner, by writing it down and having the recipient take the time to read it you can express yourself without it then turning into an argument. The last thing I wanted to do was argue with John, I didn't want to piss him off either, the egg shells I was treading on were becoming more fragile and he was losing patience with the whole thing. I wrote my letter and left it in his study.
Two whole days past and I received no acknowledgement to my letter or no answer, in fact, I was receiving no communication from John whatsoever so when I knocked on his study door and found it empty I was puzzled as to where he was, then I noticed a note on his desk. This was I realized my response to my letter, had it been there since I'd written mine, why had he just answered and then disappeared?
I picked up the paper from the table, it read; “I cannot and will not deal with this right now, need space.” There was no 'Dear Eva' and no 'Love John' … a stark sentence coldly written on a white sheet of paper. My heart sank.
I'll be honest, I wanted to smash his pristine little den into a million pieces, I wanted to be face to face with him and scream questions and accusations at him but what would have been the point in that? John was the controller in all of this, what he wanted, he got and what he didn't want he treated like trash. It didn't matter that in business I was used to deciphering difficulties, this was my personal life and I didn't have a damn clue how to fix it, I wasn't even certain whether John wanted me to fix it. A thousand things ran through my head, was he having an affair, had I said something hurtful to him that he felt he couldn't forgive me for, I even considered that he may be having financial problems and that this was the cause for his strange, erratic behavior, what was the issue?
I rang his mobile and it connected then the call was dumped, this confirmed my worries, he was now cutting himself off from my contact, he didn't want to communicate and all women know, when this happens, it means trouble. For the time being I had to accept that this was John's call and until he was ready to come forth and address whatever it was, I was a slave to his rhythm.
A further week went by and I'd still heard nothing, it was hard, almost crucifying me but I stopped myself from attempting to contact him, on the one hand I didn't want him to think I'd given up on him but on the other hand I didn't want to bug him, I allowed him his space and waited for him to come to his senses. Miguel was an absolute rock at this time, he
My emotions were so up and down, a part of me wanted it all to be sorted out, a big misunderstanding on John's part. Another part of me wished it was a storm in a teacup and tomorrow it would all blow over and then a bigger part of me just wanted to get my things and run out of there as fast as I could. The empty bed seemed so huge in comparison to John filling his side and sensing his presence throughout the night or him getting up before me in the morning, I missed being able to reach over and wrap my arms around his middle for him then to snuggle into my arched body. I ached for him, physically as well as mentally. I had to try to solve this, this was what I was supposedly good at for God's sake, it was time to take some action, if it was meant to be then it was meant to be but I couldn't leave him without trying.
I decided a letter would be the best course of action, sometimes when you try to speak with someone you get interrupted or you say it in the wrong manner, by writing it down and having the recipient take the time to read it you can express yourself without it then turning into an argument. The last thing I wanted to do was argue with John, I didn't want to piss him off either, the egg shells I was treading on were becoming more fragile and he was losing patience with the whole thing. I wrote my letter and left it in his study.
Two whole days past and I received no acknowledgement to my letter or no answer, in fact, I was receiving no communication from John whatsoever so when I knocked on his study door and found it empty I was puzzled as to where he was, then I noticed a note on his desk. This was I realized my response to my letter, had it been there since I'd written mine, why had he just answered and then disappeared?
I picked up the paper from the table, it read; “I cannot and will not deal with this right now, need space.” There was no 'Dear Eva' and no 'Love John' … a stark sentence coldly written on a white sheet of paper. My heart sank.
I'll be honest, I wanted to smash his pristine little den into a million pieces, I wanted to be face to face with him and scream questions and accusations at him but what would have been the point in that? John was the controller in all of this, what he wanted, he got and what he didn't want he treated like trash. It didn't matter that in business I was used to deciphering difficulties, this was my personal life and I didn't have a damn clue how to fix it, I wasn't even certain whether John wanted me to fix it. A thousand things ran through my head, was he having an affair, had I said something hurtful to him that he felt he couldn't forgive me for, I even considered that he may be having financial problems and that this was the cause for his strange, erratic behavior, what was the issue?
I rang his mobile and it connected then the call was dumped, this confirmed my worries, he was now cutting himself off from my contact, he didn't want to communicate and all women know, when this happens, it means trouble. For the time being I had to accept that this was John's call and until he was ready to come forth and address whatever it was, I was a slave to his rhythm.
A further week went by and I'd still heard nothing, it was hard, almost crucifying me but I stopped myself from attempting to contact him, on the one hand I didn't want him to think I'd given up on him but on the other hand I didn't want to bug him, I allowed him his space and waited for him to come to his senses. Miguel was an absolute rock at this time, he
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