Jamie now that I’ve cried all over you? I’d certainly be more comfortable calling you Frank.”
“Okay, Jamie. You’re facing the worst anybody faces, and things are coming at you from all directions at once. It’s hard to see.”
“You think my mother’s right, about Livvy.”
“I can’t speak for your family.” He got up, poured some water. “As a parent,” he continued, offering the paper cup, “I think I’d want my kid as far away from this mess as possible, at least temporarily.”
“Yes, my head knows that.” But her heart, her heart didn’t know how much more it could take. “Yesterday morning, before the service, I took Livvy out in the backyard. It’s screened by trees, it seemed safe enough. I wanted to try to talk to her, to try to help her understand. This morning there was a picture of the two of us out there in the paper. I never even saw the photographer. I don’t want that for her.”
She drew in a deep breath. “I want to see Sam.”
Frank sat again. “Don’t do that to yourself.”
“I’ll have to see him in court. I’ll have to look him in the face, day after day during the trial. I need to see him now, before it begins. I need to do that before I let Livvy go.”
“I don’t know if he’ll agree to it. His lawyers are keeping him on a short leash.”
“He’ll see me.” She got to her feet. “He won’t be able to stop himself. His ego won’t let him.”
He took her because he decided she’d find a way to do what she felt she had to do with or without his help.
She said nothing as they dealt with security and protocol. Nothing when they entered the visitors’ area with its long counters and glass partitions. Frank showed her to a stool. “I have to back off here. I can’t have any contact with him without his lawyer at this point. I’ll be right outside.”
“I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
She’d braced herself so she didn’t jolt at the harsh sound of the buzzer. A door opened, and Sam was led in.
She’d wanted him to be pale, to look ill and gray and battered. How could he, she thought as her hands fisted in her lap, how could he look so perfect, so carelessly handsome? The hard lights didn’t detract from his appearance, nor the faded, ill-fitting prison clothes. If anything, they added to the appeal.
When he sat, offered her a long, pain-filled stare out of those deep blue eyes, she all but expected to hear a director call out Cut! Print!
She kept her gaze level and reached for the phone. He mirrored the move on the other side of the glass. She heard him clear his throat.
“Jamie, I’m so glad you came. I’ve been going out of my mind. Julie.” He closed his eyes. “Oh God, Julie.”
“You killed her.”
His eyes flew open. She read the shock in them, and the hurt. Oh, she thought, oh yes, he was good.
“You can’t believe that. Sweet Jesus, Jamie, you of all people know how much we loved each other. I’d never hurt her. Never.”
“You’ve done nothing but hurt her for more than a year now, with your jealousy, your accusations, your drugs.”
“I’m going into rehab. I know I’ve got a problem, and if I’d listened to her, if I’d only listened, I’d have been there that night and she’d still be alive.”
“You were there that night, and that’s why she’s dead.”
“No. No.” He pressed a hand to the glass as if he could pass through it and reach her. “I found her. You have to listen to me, Jamie—”
“No, I don’t.” She felt the calm slide over her, into her. “No, Sam, I don’t. But you have to listen to me. I pray every day, every hour, every minute of every day that you’ll suffer, that you’ll pay for what you’ve done. It’ll never be enough, no matter what they do to you, it’ll never be enough, but I’ll dreamof you, Sam, in a cage for the rest of your life. That’ll help me get through.”
“They’ll let me out.” Panic and nausea spewed into his throat, burned there. “The
“Okay, Jamie. You’re facing the worst anybody faces, and things are coming at you from all directions at once. It’s hard to see.”
“You think my mother’s right, about Livvy.”
“I can’t speak for your family.” He got up, poured some water. “As a parent,” he continued, offering the paper cup, “I think I’d want my kid as far away from this mess as possible, at least temporarily.”
“Yes, my head knows that.” But her heart, her heart didn’t know how much more it could take. “Yesterday morning, before the service, I took Livvy out in the backyard. It’s screened by trees, it seemed safe enough. I wanted to try to talk to her, to try to help her understand. This morning there was a picture of the two of us out there in the paper. I never even saw the photographer. I don’t want that for her.”
She drew in a deep breath. “I want to see Sam.”
Frank sat again. “Don’t do that to yourself.”
“I’ll have to see him in court. I’ll have to look him in the face, day after day during the trial. I need to see him now, before it begins. I need to do that before I let Livvy go.”
“I don’t know if he’ll agree to it. His lawyers are keeping him on a short leash.”
“He’ll see me.” She got to her feet. “He won’t be able to stop himself. His ego won’t let him.”
He took her because he decided she’d find a way to do what she felt she had to do with or without his help.
She said nothing as they dealt with security and protocol. Nothing when they entered the visitors’ area with its long counters and glass partitions. Frank showed her to a stool. “I have to back off here. I can’t have any contact with him without his lawyer at this point. I’ll be right outside.”
“I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
She’d braced herself so she didn’t jolt at the harsh sound of the buzzer. A door opened, and Sam was led in.
She’d wanted him to be pale, to look ill and gray and battered. How could he, she thought as her hands fisted in her lap, how could he look so perfect, so carelessly handsome? The hard lights didn’t detract from his appearance, nor the faded, ill-fitting prison clothes. If anything, they added to the appeal.
When he sat, offered her a long, pain-filled stare out of those deep blue eyes, she all but expected to hear a director call out Cut! Print!
She kept her gaze level and reached for the phone. He mirrored the move on the other side of the glass. She heard him clear his throat.
“Jamie, I’m so glad you came. I’ve been going out of my mind. Julie.” He closed his eyes. “Oh God, Julie.”
“You killed her.”
His eyes flew open. She read the shock in them, and the hurt. Oh, she thought, oh yes, he was good.
“You can’t believe that. Sweet Jesus, Jamie, you of all people know how much we loved each other. I’d never hurt her. Never.”
“You’ve done nothing but hurt her for more than a year now, with your jealousy, your accusations, your drugs.”
“I’m going into rehab. I know I’ve got a problem, and if I’d listened to her, if I’d only listened, I’d have been there that night and she’d still be alive.”
“You were there that night, and that’s why she’s dead.”
“No. No.” He pressed a hand to the glass as if he could pass through it and reach her. “I found her. You have to listen to me, Jamie—”
“No, I don’t.” She felt the calm slide over her, into her. “No, Sam, I don’t. But you have to listen to me. I pray every day, every hour, every minute of every day that you’ll suffer, that you’ll pay for what you’ve done. It’ll never be enough, no matter what they do to you, it’ll never be enough, but I’ll dreamof you, Sam, in a cage for the rest of your life. That’ll help me get through.”
“They’ll let me out.” Panic and nausea spewed into his throat, burned there. “The
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