managing to process the words. “And you didn’t think to mention it?”
“I did, but—”
“You thought lying was a better idea?”
“No! It’s not like that. I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to know.”
This is the second time Kaz has decided what is and isn’t good for me when it comes to the truth about Stu. At least last time she was doing the right thing. This time though… “You thought it would be better if I was totally punked by Stu turning up at my campsite instead?”
“That wasn’t supposed to happen. Owen said—”
“Owen?”
KAZ
I hadn’t meant to throw Owen under the bus (had I?), but it’s too late to cover that up as well.
“I asked Owen what I should do. He said not to tell you.” Oh God, I have made that sound so much worse for him than for me.
“So what? Owen is my brother’s boyfriend – he’s not my
best mate
. Owen can keep whatever secrets he likes from me. I didn’t think you and I were meant to have any at all, but this weekend you’ve been stacking them up like a set of Piss Ruby Off Top Trumps. What part of ‘we don’t do secrets’ was so fucking hard to grasp?”
“I said I’m sorry.” Tears rise up behind my eyes and I blink them back down. I hate that I cry so easily. I hate that it’s Ruby making me want to. “I was trying to protect you. I didn’t think we’d run into him again. If I’d been there when Dongle called Travis, I’d have stopped him.”
“And where were you?” The way Ruby’s looking at me turns me inside out, as if my mind is a sheet of music and she’s reading every note.
“I was getting chips with Tom.”
“Of course you were. And when you were
getting chips
with Tom, did you by any chance ask about his girlfriend?”
“I don’t need to, Ruby. Tom would tell me. It’s not like with you and Stu. We’re
friends
.”
“Really?
Friends
– that’s what you call it? Have you looked in a mirror lately, Kaz, because that dress is not a
friendly
dress. It’s a—”
“It’s just a dress.”
“No, it isn’t. Not when you wear it near him.
Come and see our camp, Tom!
” She sounds so much like Lee did and I wonder whether she has any sense of how mean all that tequila has made her.
“Let’s go get chips, Tom! I love the way your trousers look, Tom!”
I really wish everyone would shut up about his trousers.
RUBY
There’s a moment when I can totally see there’s a choice. Either I can a) stop shouting at the person I love the most in the world and apologize, or I can b) carrying on shouting.
I’m not someone who knows how to stop once they’ve started.
“Yay, please, let’s play spin the bottle, Tom!”
“Why are you being such a
bitch
?” Kaz snaps.
KAZ
I want to snatch the word from the air and crush it in my fist until there’s nothing but a corpse of letters smeared in my palm. But that’s not how words work. Once you let them out, you can’t take them back.
RUBY
We’re in free fall.
“I’m not being a bitch!” I say, barely believing Kaz even said that word. “I’m being a
friend
!”
“Really? Because right now you’re just being poisonous. What has Tom ever done to you to make you hate him like this?” Kaz is properly crying now, but I don’t know if it’s anger or sadness or both. And I don’t know how she can even ask me that question.
“HE BROKE YOUR HEART!” I hadn’t meant to shout that loud and I can see people staring at us. “That’s what he did. I spent all summer gluing it back together and you’re just going to hand it over to him to smash again. When are you going to get it? Tom is
over
you. It doesn’t matter what dress you wear or how much you flirt with him.
You
are not what he wants.”
Even as I am shouting it, I know that it’s a lie. Tom looks at Kaz the way that I want to look at Stu.
KAZ
“Why are you shouting at me about this?” I’m furious at the tears that have escaped and I practically punch myself in the face as I wipe them away. “I
“I did, but—”
“You thought lying was a better idea?”
“No! It’s not like that. I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to know.”
This is the second time Kaz has decided what is and isn’t good for me when it comes to the truth about Stu. At least last time she was doing the right thing. This time though… “You thought it would be better if I was totally punked by Stu turning up at my campsite instead?”
“That wasn’t supposed to happen. Owen said—”
“Owen?”
KAZ
I hadn’t meant to throw Owen under the bus (had I?), but it’s too late to cover that up as well.
“I asked Owen what I should do. He said not to tell you.” Oh God, I have made that sound so much worse for him than for me.
“So what? Owen is my brother’s boyfriend – he’s not my
best mate
. Owen can keep whatever secrets he likes from me. I didn’t think you and I were meant to have any at all, but this weekend you’ve been stacking them up like a set of Piss Ruby Off Top Trumps. What part of ‘we don’t do secrets’ was so fucking hard to grasp?”
“I said I’m sorry.” Tears rise up behind my eyes and I blink them back down. I hate that I cry so easily. I hate that it’s Ruby making me want to. “I was trying to protect you. I didn’t think we’d run into him again. If I’d been there when Dongle called Travis, I’d have stopped him.”
“And where were you?” The way Ruby’s looking at me turns me inside out, as if my mind is a sheet of music and she’s reading every note.
“I was getting chips with Tom.”
“Of course you were. And when you were
getting chips
with Tom, did you by any chance ask about his girlfriend?”
“I don’t need to, Ruby. Tom would tell me. It’s not like with you and Stu. We’re
friends
.”
“Really?
Friends
– that’s what you call it? Have you looked in a mirror lately, Kaz, because that dress is not a
friendly
dress. It’s a—”
“It’s just a dress.”
“No, it isn’t. Not when you wear it near him.
Come and see our camp, Tom!
” She sounds so much like Lee did and I wonder whether she has any sense of how mean all that tequila has made her.
“Let’s go get chips, Tom! I love the way your trousers look, Tom!”
I really wish everyone would shut up about his trousers.
RUBY
There’s a moment when I can totally see there’s a choice. Either I can a) stop shouting at the person I love the most in the world and apologize, or I can b) carrying on shouting.
I’m not someone who knows how to stop once they’ve started.
“Yay, please, let’s play spin the bottle, Tom!”
“Why are you being such a
bitch
?” Kaz snaps.
KAZ
I want to snatch the word from the air and crush it in my fist until there’s nothing but a corpse of letters smeared in my palm. But that’s not how words work. Once you let them out, you can’t take them back.
RUBY
We’re in free fall.
“I’m not being a bitch!” I say, barely believing Kaz even said that word. “I’m being a
friend
!”
“Really? Because right now you’re just being poisonous. What has Tom ever done to you to make you hate him like this?” Kaz is properly crying now, but I don’t know if it’s anger or sadness or both. And I don’t know how she can even ask me that question.
“HE BROKE YOUR HEART!” I hadn’t meant to shout that loud and I can see people staring at us. “That’s what he did. I spent all summer gluing it back together and you’re just going to hand it over to him to smash again. When are you going to get it? Tom is
over
you. It doesn’t matter what dress you wear or how much you flirt with him.
You
are not what he wants.”
Even as I am shouting it, I know that it’s a lie. Tom looks at Kaz the way that I want to look at Stu.
KAZ
“Why are you shouting at me about this?” I’m furious at the tears that have escaped and I practically punch myself in the face as I wipe them away. “I
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