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Authors: Brian MacLearn
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mattress. I moved my head from side to side, trying to stretch out kinks. When I bent forward to touch my toes, my lower back groaned in protest. I ignored it and told it to be happy it could even still touch toes. I bounced my palms up and down on the floor. I rose back up and reached both arms into the air, stretching out as far as I could, and then stretched side to side. Feeling somewhat better, I headed out to the kitchen and the redo of my past awaiting me.
Mom was already sitting at the kitchen table with a cup
of coffee. I grabbed a mug from the cupboard over the pot and filled it to the brim. I opened the drawer under the pot and grabbed a spoon to stir in some creamer. Dad liked his coffee stronger than I did. I needed something to help cut the bitterness. I moved to the table and sat down across from my mother. She looked frazzled this morning. I was guessing that sleep didn’t come very easy for her last night. She gave me a weak smile as I sat down.
It had been after eleven o’clock last night, when I was
safely able to make my return back here. Both of my parents were emotionally exhausted so we shared very little conversation about the birthday party. My mother did say that the evening had gone on pretty much without fanfare. My younger self enjoyed the meal and the presents. He’d gotten several Iowa Hawkeye sweatshirts. It had been a great year, the Hawks finished 8-4-1, beating Michigan 26-0 and crushing Texas in the Freedom Bowl 55-17. Next year Iowa was expected to be S 49 S
Brian L. MacLearn
even better. It was also going to be first year that I ever got to go to a game at Kinnick Stadium. Years later, I would become a season ticket holder and share my love of the Hawkeyes with my youngest daughter Emily.
The night went on as normal as possible, not that she had anything to gauge it by. She didn’t think anyone was aware of anything out of the ordinary. My younger self had no problem with the store-bought cake or the meal in general. He never even asked what happened to his requested chocolate cake. I knew something my mother didn’t. It would have been a major topic of discussion on the way home. It would definitely be something Tami wouldn’t be able to let slide without condemnation.
Sitting here with Mom today, at this place and in this
time that I had already lived through, I had to wonder if it was extremely dangerous knowing the future. I understood that going forward I would need to tread very lightly and be very sure of my decisions and my comments. I should carefully assess the potential damage that my being here could cause.
Unfortunately, I had no choice to be somewhere else, other than here.
I was finally ready to break the silence. I’d finished half of my coffee and I could tell Mom was waiting for me to start the conversation. “Morning Mom,” I said with a slight hint of humor in my voice.
Not to be outdone, my mom said with perfect matching
tone quality, “Morning to you too…Son!”
We smiled at each other and right there I knew I had found an ally no matter what this new future would bring. “It really is you. I knew it before, but…somehow it just seems all too impossible to rationalize, but… here you are,” my mother said to me as she studied my face.
“You think that’s strange? You should try and see it from S 50 S
RemembeR me
my perspective: my own mother is younger than me, and
it’s not due to some strange marriage or adoption arrangement.” At this comment, the two of us couldn’t help but laugh.
Sometimes strange realities leave us no other choice. I know it would have been easy to stay in bed and hide under the covers. If I slept long enough, then maybe everything would revert to normal after a Rip Van Winkle-type nap. Mom and I exchanged some mundane chit chat. Both of us were too
afraid to bring up the elephant in the room. My coffee cup was empty, and my head was beginning to ache from self-imposed tension. After fretting about my
Mom was already sitting at the kitchen table with a cup
of coffee. I grabbed a mug from the cupboard over the pot and filled it to the brim. I opened the drawer under the pot and grabbed a spoon to stir in some creamer. Dad liked his coffee stronger than I did. I needed something to help cut the bitterness. I moved to the table and sat down across from my mother. She looked frazzled this morning. I was guessing that sleep didn’t come very easy for her last night. She gave me a weak smile as I sat down.
It had been after eleven o’clock last night, when I was
safely able to make my return back here. Both of my parents were emotionally exhausted so we shared very little conversation about the birthday party. My mother did say that the evening had gone on pretty much without fanfare. My younger self enjoyed the meal and the presents. He’d gotten several Iowa Hawkeye sweatshirts. It had been a great year, the Hawks finished 8-4-1, beating Michigan 26-0 and crushing Texas in the Freedom Bowl 55-17. Next year Iowa was expected to be S 49 S
Brian L. MacLearn
even better. It was also going to be first year that I ever got to go to a game at Kinnick Stadium. Years later, I would become a season ticket holder and share my love of the Hawkeyes with my youngest daughter Emily.
The night went on as normal as possible, not that she had anything to gauge it by. She didn’t think anyone was aware of anything out of the ordinary. My younger self had no problem with the store-bought cake or the meal in general. He never even asked what happened to his requested chocolate cake. I knew something my mother didn’t. It would have been a major topic of discussion on the way home. It would definitely be something Tami wouldn’t be able to let slide without condemnation.
Sitting here with Mom today, at this place and in this
time that I had already lived through, I had to wonder if it was extremely dangerous knowing the future. I understood that going forward I would need to tread very lightly and be very sure of my decisions and my comments. I should carefully assess the potential damage that my being here could cause.
Unfortunately, I had no choice to be somewhere else, other than here.
I was finally ready to break the silence. I’d finished half of my coffee and I could tell Mom was waiting for me to start the conversation. “Morning Mom,” I said with a slight hint of humor in my voice.
Not to be outdone, my mom said with perfect matching
tone quality, “Morning to you too…Son!”
We smiled at each other and right there I knew I had found an ally no matter what this new future would bring. “It really is you. I knew it before, but…somehow it just seems all too impossible to rationalize, but… here you are,” my mother said to me as she studied my face.
“You think that’s strange? You should try and see it from S 50 S
RemembeR me
my perspective: my own mother is younger than me, and
it’s not due to some strange marriage or adoption arrangement.” At this comment, the two of us couldn’t help but laugh.
Sometimes strange realities leave us no other choice. I know it would have been easy to stay in bed and hide under the covers. If I slept long enough, then maybe everything would revert to normal after a Rip Van Winkle-type nap. Mom and I exchanged some mundane chit chat. Both of us were too
afraid to bring up the elephant in the room. My coffee cup was empty, and my head was beginning to ache from self-imposed tension. After fretting about my
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