Read Online Reading Rilke by William H. Gass - Free Book Online Page B

no doubt wise, though Oswald puts in one of them while incidentally doubling his “out” (“Who, if I cried out, would hear me then, out of the orders of angels?”). Poulin’s rendering is oddest of all, because the initial “And” implies a prior speech, an earlier communication, although nothing, surely, is prior to the poet’s profound recognition of his isolation. In addition, Poulin is far too colloquial for the Elegies (“who’d listen to me” has totally the wrong tone), but Young is even worse (“who would hear me up there”). These are not the sounds we should hear if our voice were to echo from the edges of the distant gods and were thus to return to us as a primitive original the way a deeply dappled shadow might replace—might cast back—its tree.
    The Elegies are dominated by Angels of an icy sky above and the gravitating dactyls of a declining ground below, with the dactyls by far the more powerful presence. When, as in theopening question, that meter is easy to maintain, it should be as thankfully embraced as an accommodating woman. And when the word order, so often a twisting and rocky road, is also straightforward, why not be straightforward? The Elegies tell us to listen as hitherto only holy men have listened. The individuality, the quirkiness, the bone-headed nature of every translation is inevitable. I see no reason to strive for these qualities.
    All in all, then, Leishman must be accounted the most adequate, and perhaps even the only acceptable, version: he has roughly the right meter (unlike Poulin or Young, for instance); he keeps the same sequence of words (unlike MacIntyre, Boney, Poulin, Miranda, and Hammer/Jaeger), especially retaining the Germanic Engel Ordnungen ; he maintains the proper tone (unlike MacIntyre, Poulin, and Young); he has the correct interpretation (unlike Behm, Poulin, Miranda, Hammer/Jaeger, and Oswald); even if one might reasonably complain that “angelic” in English carries too many inappropriate connotations. Although Poulin gets generally bad marks, and Young and Hammer/Jaeger are pretty awful, MacIntyre’s “shout” seems to me to be the most jarring mistake.
    Now we reach that “and” which Poulin was in such an unseemly hurry to get in: und gesetzt seibst, es nähme einer mich plützlich ans Herz: ich verginge von seinem stärkeren Dasein .
     
Leishman.
And even if one of them suddenly pressed me against his heart, I should fade in the strength of his stronger existence.
Behn.
Still, should an Angel exalt and fold me into his heart I should vanish, lost in his greater being.
MacIntyre.
And supposing one of them took me suddenly to his heart, I would perish before his stronger existence.
Garmey/Wilson.
And even if one suddenly held me to his heart: I would dissolve there from his stronger presence.
Boney.
Yet granted, one of them suddenly embraced me, I would only perish from his stronger being.
Poulin.
Even if one of them suddenly held me to his heart, I’d vanish in his overwhelming presence.
Young.
And suppose one suddenly
took me to his heart
I would shrivel
I couldn’t survive
next to his
greater existence.
Miranda.
And even if one of them impulsively embraced me, I’d be crushed by its strength.
Mitchell.
and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart: I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence.
Flemming.
and even if one of them suddenly pressed me against his heart, I would perish in the embrace of his stronger existence.
Hunter.
And should my plea ascend,
were I gathered to the glory
of some incandescent heart,
my own faint flame of being
would fail for the glare.
Cohn.
Even if One suddenly clasped me to his heart I would die of the force of his being.
Hammer/Jaeger.
and suppose one of them suddenly pulled me to his heart: I’d dissolve beside his stronger existence.
Oswald.
and even supposing one suddenly took me close to the heart, I would perish from that stronger existence.
Gass.
And even if one of them