Read Online Quite an Undertaking - Devon's Story by Barbara Clanton - Free Book Online Page A

end, we turned around and walked up the other side. Natalie continued to talk about basketball and the Connecticut Sun, her favorite WNBA basketball team. I’d pretty much had my fill of basketball by that point, but I asked her questions anyway just to keep the conversation going. What I really wanted to do was vaporize Jessie, so I could walk next to Rebecca. I’d take Rebecca’s hand, and we wouldn’t even care if people stared at us—two girls holding hands in the mall. Unfortunately, Jessie still existed. Technically, I was spending the afternoon with Rebecca, but at that point I just wanted to go home. Editing bad copy was beginning to sound much more appealing than playing second fiddle to Jessie.
    As we walked back up the other side of the long stretch of mall, an interracial couple walked toward us. A tall black man held hands with a noticeably pregnant white woman. Once we passed them, Jessie shook her head. “They’re dilutin’ the blood, man.” She turned toward Rebecca. “Don’t they see that?”
    Rebecca glared at Jessie.
    Jessie shrugged. “What? I was kidding.”
    I didn’t sound like she was kidding, though, and I realized that all day I’d felt self-conscious about the color of my skin.
     
     
    I SAT IN my room after they dropped me off and tried to edit the girls’ soccer article, but my mind kept wandering back to my wonderful trip to the mall that afternoon. Even though I stole a few smiles from Rebecca, I didn’t have much fun. I was hoping Rebecca would text me or call, but so far nothing.
    I tried one last time to focus on the soccer article, but finally closed the file in frustration and shut down the computer. I got up, took my new earrings out of their small plastic bag, and then took off my gold ball earrings. I lifted the lid to my jewelry box and laughed. I’d have to ask Mom for a grown up jewelry box for Christmas this year. The cheesy Howe Caverns stamp on the top of my current one reminded me of the car trip Missy and I took with Grandma and Grandpa to the Finger Lakes when I was ten. Amazingly, I didn’t choke up at the memory. Maybe I was making progress.
    I carefully put on my new hoops. They were only about a half inch in diameter, but still, I’d never worn any kind of hoops before. I felt grown up all of a sudden. With my new earrings and new highlights, maybe Rebecca would look at me the way I wanted her to. Not just as a friend, but something more.
    I sighed and gently placed the earrings that Grandma had given me in the cedar box and then shut the lid. There was no way I could have told Grandma that I was gay. She had been old-fashioned, but maybe she knew now. Maybe she looked down from heaven and was okay with me. Grandpa, too. Maybe they’d both know that being gay wasn’t a choice or something I randomly decided to be. Maybe they would understand that I wasn’t some evil horrible person, and that it was something I figured out about myself in eighth grade. My crush on Marcy Berger didn’t last long, but the deep attraction I had for her back then woke up something inside me. When Missy wasn’t around, I secretly searched the Internet for anything gay-related and discovered a whole world of gay people. They called it “the gay community” on a few websites. I didn’t know if Grasse River had a “gay community,” but I hoped someday I’d find one somewhere if it existed. Those websites were right. I wasn’t gay because I chose to be. I just was.
    I found myself in Grandma’s room, not quite sure how I got there. I took a deep breath. I hadn’t gone into her room since she died. I sat down on the edge of her bed and wondered if and when Missy would take her room back. I smoothed out the comforter with my hand. The softness reminded me of all the times I sat on Grandma’s bed and we’d talk about stuff. Stuff like the animal shelter or her bridge club or my school. I choked up, so I stood up and went to Grandma’s bookshelf. Darn, Mom took the