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Authors: Sabrina Darby
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course Jens would want to see who the guy was who had actually gotten into my pants when he’d had no such luck. I flipped open my laptop and tuned him and the television out. I was only out here to make sure I heard Sebastian when he arrived and to avoid any overly awkward conversation.
But with all my research documents already open and staring me in the face, my momentary diversion fled. Ten days. One of which was a Sunday. There were still many avenues left to me, but they were all the slimmest chances and the most difficult to pursue, or ones that had only popped up in the last two weeks.
But some of this work I could do from the States. And, if necessary, I could likely return as soon as next summer. Or if I worked and saved up more money again, I could come back as early as the spring. Not ideal. Possibly, it wouldn’t even be worth coming back. Maybe I’d never find the link I was hoping for.
I checked my e-mail. There was one from my advisor with multiple exclamation points. She clearly thought the photograph a fabulous find. But then, she also was the one who had pushed for me to have a less ambitious backup argument, and the photograph made that backup thesis slightly more exciting for her.
Why did a reasonable, rational thing like having to resort to a plan B make me feel like a failure?
But I knew why. It was because I’d failed when I missed the deadlines for my fellowship. I’d failed when I’d let one stupid interaction—one guy—affect my life in such a huge way.
The doorbell buzzed. Two pairs of male eyes and knowing smiles turned my way. I rolled my eyes as I stood to answer the door. They could be a bit less obvious.
I opened the door. As soon as I saw Sebastian standing there in his suit and tie, a slim messenger bag slung over his arm and a brown bag of fragrant food in his right hand, nothing else mattered but the heat that washed over me and the strange, sudden joy at seeing him again.
My attraction to Sebastian had been half as great back in New Jersey, mostly because, while I hadn’t been a virgin, I’d known nearly nothing about sex. Good sex, that is. Knowledge made every anticipatory sensation within me sharper.
“Hi,” I said, almost shyly. He had shadows under his eyes, looked like he’d had a long day. I knew our late night the previous day must not have helped, yet his lips curved up in a sensual promise.
Desire surged inside me and heat gathered between my legs. I had it bad. It being a serious case of lust.
“Can I come in?”
I laughed self-consciously and stepped aside, only then, as I closed the door and turned, remembering our audience. I stepped forward for introductions but was too late. Sebastian was already saying hello with an outstretched hand. Introducing himself as an old university friend of mine.
Friend. We had been friends at one point. Now we were lovers, but I wasn’t entirely certain about the friendship aspect, no matter what I had said to Neil and Jens earlier.
Sebastian made some comment about the show they were watching, and I realized that it had changed from the reality show to the finale of one of those next big pop-star competitions. I slid the brown bag from his grasp and took it into the kitchen.
I should never have worried about awkwardness. Apparently Sebastian knew how to take charge of any situation with a smooth, natural charm. He was the antithesis of what anyone in an American high school would have imagined a math major to be. Had he always been this way? Or had he simply grown up and developed that ease over time?
In contrast, I was a complete introvert. Well, perhaps not completely considering the last two years, but for the majority of my life, my impulse had been to avoid people in preference for my books and studies. It had always been easier. At least, until the day after Sebastian’s graduation.
I cleared space on the counter and pulled out all the little paper boxes and plastic containers. There was soup (pho, I
But with all my research documents already open and staring me in the face, my momentary diversion fled. Ten days. One of which was a Sunday. There were still many avenues left to me, but they were all the slimmest chances and the most difficult to pursue, or ones that had only popped up in the last two weeks.
But some of this work I could do from the States. And, if necessary, I could likely return as soon as next summer. Or if I worked and saved up more money again, I could come back as early as the spring. Not ideal. Possibly, it wouldn’t even be worth coming back. Maybe I’d never find the link I was hoping for.
I checked my e-mail. There was one from my advisor with multiple exclamation points. She clearly thought the photograph a fabulous find. But then, she also was the one who had pushed for me to have a less ambitious backup argument, and the photograph made that backup thesis slightly more exciting for her.
Why did a reasonable, rational thing like having to resort to a plan B make me feel like a failure?
But I knew why. It was because I’d failed when I missed the deadlines for my fellowship. I’d failed when I’d let one stupid interaction—one guy—affect my life in such a huge way.
The doorbell buzzed. Two pairs of male eyes and knowing smiles turned my way. I rolled my eyes as I stood to answer the door. They could be a bit less obvious.
I opened the door. As soon as I saw Sebastian standing there in his suit and tie, a slim messenger bag slung over his arm and a brown bag of fragrant food in his right hand, nothing else mattered but the heat that washed over me and the strange, sudden joy at seeing him again.
My attraction to Sebastian had been half as great back in New Jersey, mostly because, while I hadn’t been a virgin, I’d known nearly nothing about sex. Good sex, that is. Knowledge made every anticipatory sensation within me sharper.
“Hi,” I said, almost shyly. He had shadows under his eyes, looked like he’d had a long day. I knew our late night the previous day must not have helped, yet his lips curved up in a sensual promise.
Desire surged inside me and heat gathered between my legs. I had it bad. It being a serious case of lust.
“Can I come in?”
I laughed self-consciously and stepped aside, only then, as I closed the door and turned, remembering our audience. I stepped forward for introductions but was too late. Sebastian was already saying hello with an outstretched hand. Introducing himself as an old university friend of mine.
Friend. We had been friends at one point. Now we were lovers, but I wasn’t entirely certain about the friendship aspect, no matter what I had said to Neil and Jens earlier.
Sebastian made some comment about the show they were watching, and I realized that it had changed from the reality show to the finale of one of those next big pop-star competitions. I slid the brown bag from his grasp and took it into the kitchen.
I should never have worried about awkwardness. Apparently Sebastian knew how to take charge of any situation with a smooth, natural charm. He was the antithesis of what anyone in an American high school would have imagined a math major to be. Had he always been this way? Or had he simply grown up and developed that ease over time?
In contrast, I was a complete introvert. Well, perhaps not completely considering the last two years, but for the majority of my life, my impulse had been to avoid people in preference for my books and studies. It had always been easier. At least, until the day after Sebastian’s graduation.
I cleared space on the counter and pulled out all the little paper boxes and plastic containers. There was soup (pho, I
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