prefer the austere
period of striving for perfection, I find the celebration of Eid
the most pleasurable time.
Since I have no particular
schedule during the month of Ramadan, I usually turn my night into
day and stay awake throughout the night. I watch videotapes of
American films, read the Koran, or play Solitaire. Once Kareem
leaves our home for his office, I sleep late into the day, resting
through the hours that bring me the greatest hunger and thirst so
that I will not be tempted to break my fast. I do always take great
care to rise from bed for my noon prayer, and then again for the
mid-afternoon prayer, often offering extra supplications at this
time.
During this particular
Ramadan, Sara often shared these difficult hours with me as she had
promised. When Sara could not leave her own family, Maha stayed
resolutely by my side. Although I was often listless and hungry
during the afternoon hours, I knew that soon it would be the hour
of sundown, when Kareem would return home to take us to Sara’s
palace.
By the nineteenth day of
the Ramadan fast, I had not broken a single vow! I felt
increasingly proud that I had not once been tempted to sneak a bit
of food, drink a sip of water, or smoke even one cigarette! Most
importantly, I had successfully conquered my temptation to drink
alcohol.
Kareem and Maha offered me
many encouraging smiles and compliments. Sara congratulated me at
every opportunity. Even Amani showed more warmth toward me. Never
had I gone so long into Ramadan without slipping down that slippery
slope of uncontrolled desires.
I honestly believe that,
for once, I would have accomplished the total perfection I was so
eagerly seeking, were it not for my hated brother, Ali. Although he
knew his sisters’ feelings about Munira’s marriage, Ali still
insisted that Hadi and his new bride join our extended family at
the nineteenth sundown breaking of our fast. The couple had
returned from their honeymoon in Morocco to Riyadh on the previous
evening.
But Hadi was not a man
welcome in our inner circle, and we had assumed that he and his
four wives and children would be joining his own family when
breaking the daily fasts. So when Sara informed me that Hadi and
Munira would be among her guests, I guessed that we would be forced
to witness poor Munira’s first public subjugation. Furious at the
thought, I spat, “How can we be joyous with such a one as Hadi at
our table!”
“ This will be a difficult
evening,” Sara agreed as she rubbed my back. “But, we must get
through it with good grace.”
The clenching of my jaw
muscles hardened my voice. “Hadi married Munira for one thing only!
He’s always wanted the opportunity to insinuate himself into the
family life of the royals!”
Helplessly, Sara raised her
hands into the air. “There is nothing that we can do, Sultana. He
is married to our brother’s child. Anything we do to anger Hadi
will come down on Munira’s head.”
“ It’s the same as
blackmail,” I muttered angrily.
Maha whispered into
Nashwa’s ear, and both girls laughed loudly. Sara and I stared at
our daughters. My voice grew loud with increasing irritation. “Why
do you laugh?”
Maha’s face reddened, and
even before she spoke, I could tell that she was weaving a small
lie. “We were talking about a girl at school, Mother. Nothing
more.”
“ Daughter! Do not break
your fast with a lie! Have you forgotten that it is
Ramadan?”
“ Nashwa?” Sara’s voice was
gentle.
Nashwa was a girl
resembling Maha in many ways, but she had greater difficulty lying
to her mother than did my child.
“ It was only a small joke,
Mother.”
“ And? Share the joke,
please.”
Nashwa exchanged an uneasy
look with Maha, then said, “Well, Maha wants us to cast a spell on
Hadi so that his male organ will enter a permanent
sleep.”
“ Child!” Sara was aghast.
“Put such thoughts out of your mind! Only Allah has such
power!”
I was angry that Maha could
lie so easily, while
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