Read Online Pretty Little Dreams by Jennifer Miller - Free Book Online Page B

I don’t want to have. Did she, oh god, did his touching her arouse old feelings; make her remember how she felt about him at one time? Did she like it on some level? I wrack my brain trying to remember what it’s called when you fall for your kidnapper. Did that happen to her? Does she miss him? Want to be back with him?
    I whimper like the pansy-ass bitch I am - a hiding pansy-ass bitch. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why would these thoughts even occur to me? I know better than this, how dare I even think such things; yet the thoughts invade my mind anyway, and all I can think is oh god, he touched her.
    When I touch her, will she think of him? Will she be able to stand being touched by anyone now?
    He touched her.
    What can I say to her to make everything better? How can I even begin to apologize for this? I don’t even know how. Can she ever forgive me? How could she? Can I even forgive myself? I should have been there. How could she possibly get over that when I don’t even think that I can?
    He touched her.
    What am I going to say to her? She doesn’t know I heard. Will she tell me?
    I put my head in my hands. And I cry. I just fucking cry, gut wrenching, soul screaming sobs. I cry for the woman she was before this. I cry for the woman I know that is forever changed because of what she endured. I cry because I didn’t prevent this. I cry for the fact that she has to go through this. I cry because I’m afraid things will never be the same. I cry because I wish my mom were here, and that she could offer me advice on how to help Olivia get through this. I cry because I love my girl so fucking much and I don’t know how, or if, I can make this better.
    In the dark recesses of my mind I wonder… can I touch her again? Will I be able to kiss her, touch her, look at her and love her without thinking about the fact that his hands were there too? Are Olivia and I strong enough to get through something like this?
    I use my shirt to wipe my eyes and I put the car in reverse.
    I’ve made my decision.
    I need to get out of here.

7.
    NUMB
    Olivia

    “H i, Olivia. My name is Katie. I’m the forensic nurse that is going to perform an evidence collection exam that you agreed to have. This can be a difficult and intrusive process, so I won’t pretend that I can make you comfortable, but I will proceed at whatever pace works for you and want you to make sure to tell me if you need a break or have a question during this process, okay?”
    I nod, feeling numb, not able to do much else. I want this over now.
    “I’m going to do a few things, including a vaginal inspection, collection of some hair and nail samples, and blood draws. I will explain what I’m doing as we go. Do you have any questions before I begin?”
    “Since I’m not positive that… he… ” I take a deep breath, but she doesn’t make me continue.
    “It’s best to be precautionary. While findings and evidence is most reliable when this process is conducted within 72 hours of an assault, that doesn’t mean that any evidence we obtain here won’t be helpful down the line. It will also help to determine if you acquired any ailment or disorder. If that occurred, we will provide the appropriate care for you promptly.”
    “Okay.”
    Katie gives me a small smile while she eases on a pair of exam globes. “I’ve already gathered the clothes you were wearing when you were brought in, so we are going to start with hair and nail samples.”
    “When was the last time you showered?” Katie asks unemotionally. Her calm, steady speech and effortless, easy motions are simultaneously reassuring and unsettling. She has obviously done this many times.
    “I…I’m not sure. I don’t even know what day it is. It’s likely been a couple days at least, I guess.” I respond, trying to be equally impassive.
    “Okay. Don’t worry that you don’t remember exactly. That’s fine.” Katie proceeds to cut my nails, capturing each one in a plastic bag. “Next, I