operas are plentiful, though, and theyâre all doing that manic back-and-forth face-searching. I wonder where they learned this style of acting. I turn the TV off, lie back in bed, and rub at my forehead. I think of Dr. Singh, how I stillhavenât heard back from him on the CAT-scan results, and how strange that day was.
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âYou know,â the CAT-scan operator started to say that day, then let his words float unfinished in the room. I stood there in my little green gown, waiting for him to complete his out-loud thoughts. He was a tall, wiry guy with veiny forearms, probably younger than me, but he spoke as if he were the chief of surgery. MIKE , his name tag said in black plastic letters. âPaul McCartney helped pay for these machines to be made into mobile truck units,â Mike said. âYouâre getting scanned with a little help from the Beatles.â He grinned at his pun.
âI bet theyâre a bitch down the long and winding roads,â I quipped.
Mikeâs face went blank.
I felt bad that he was trying to put me at ease. It meant he had compassion, and I was a big liar going to get scanned. It wasnât really a lie; I just wasnât meeting with the right person, maybe. I was wondering if an exorcist might be the more appropriate choice, but Paul McCartney probably didnât fund any mobile exorcism units.
âHey,â I offered, âdid you know if you play one of the Beatles songs backward, it says âPaul is deadâ?â
MIKE strapped me onto the ice-cold gurney. âIâm not really a fan, actually,â he said, slid up the safety rails, and rolled me into the belly of the giant humming machine. âItâll be over soon.â
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The curtains on my hotel room windows are maroon and delightfully thick, like the ones in movie theaters. I pull them closed andshut off all the lights. I push the bed up against one wall and surround myself with blankets and pillows. Itâs not the same as the nest I used to share with Zoe, but it serves its purpose as I wait for my headache to melt away.
I sleep for what must be several hours. When I wake, the daytime no longer creeps in around the edges of the curtains, which tangibly decreases the pain in my head. But my headache is replaced by a numbing boredom. With only four television channels to surf, I quickly cycle through my choices and realize itâs time to get outside.
I open my âSee Sexy Spainâ vacation guide and study the photos: beaches populated with alluring modelsâuninterested women with dark tans, confident in their tinted eyewear; deeply tanned men with wraparound sunglasses, feigning indifference. Everyone is so cool, so apathetic. I need something to wake me up. I flip through more pages and find the discotheque section. I canât read most of the writing, but there are a lot of exclamation points and that looks exciting. According to one ad, a popular club is right up the street: Club de Cuerpo. I imagine Zoe might be drawn to such a placeâan entire building filled with new, alluring people. Her interest in other cultures always showed itself for several days after weâd watch a foreign film. Sheâd talk about discotheques and boulangeries , stressing the correct foreign pronunciation to make those words stand out like works of audible artâas if their unique sounds were reason enough to visit faraway lands. I guess I need to see what all the noise is about.
chapter 24
My vision and hearing are officially gone. All I can sense is the thumping. A giant mass of soap bubbles has washed over me and most of the dance floor, like a horror-movie fog. The pulse is maddening, a physical presence infusing my internal organs. My hair vibrates. My eyes burn. Wild women whoop and swing their hair around and grind on other women.
Itâs a wild scene, but already I feel sick. Sick of this club, with all its strobe flashes and percussion bombs; sick of
June Gray
Roxie Noir
Julie Myerson
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Shirley Rousseau Murphy and Pat J.J. Murphy