tried to ram his fist into the ground. The reality of his situation bit him in the butt when he watched his hand and wrist disappear into the ground like smoke.
A whimper escaped him. Listlessly he dropped to the ground.
Honest to God, he’d only meant to go over tonight to apologize for Sam. And to let her know what had happened to him to make him this way. Maybe deep down he had hoped she could help him find some kind of explanation or reason, because he certainly didn’t have one.
Now he realized he’d only been fooling himself. Yeah, he had intended on checking on her, to make sure she was doing okay after the crap she’d been forced to go through. And he did want to offer an apology. The explanation—well, that was a given sooner or later.
No. After they had dropped her off at her place this evening, Kiel hadn’t wanted to leave her. Now things were only made worse. Those voices inside him had demanded he go back to that old house and take her into his arms. To taste her lips with all their incredible sweetness. And then sweep her upstairs and rip that flimsy shirt and pair of shorts off of that full, firm body before laying her across her bed and plunging himself…
Oh, fuck, no.
She wouldn’t turn him away. All that warmth that had wrapped itself around his frozen soul had been her way of telling him she accepted him. Without words, without question.
So why in hell was he sitting out here in the middle of the park? Because the last vestiges of humanity inside you are saying that unless you can better her life, unless there’s some way you can make her happy, that little dream of yours will stay unfulfilled. She has a life now. She is life. Don’t be a jerk and think you can make a difference because you can’t. And you never will.
There was only one door left open to him now. The last door. Through it he needed to proceed to find his body and allow this spirit self of his to rest in peace. Sam would find the perps responsible and make them answer to justice. Then his brother would be able to grieve, the way he should have a month ago.
But why did the thought of letting her go have to hurt so goddamn much?
* * * *
Sam awoke with a start, heart pounding and sweat rolling off of his body. For a long minute he lay there amid the tangled sheets, listening. Waiting. When the scent of freshly perked coffee drifted on the air, he let himself relax.
This is the way it had been for the past month, waking up, wondering if the past few weeks had been a nightmare or reality. Wondering if his half-brother was still a walking dead man, existing in that twilight zone of dreams.
Four years separated him and Kiel. He barely remembered his stepdad taking him to the hospital to visit his mother soon after she’d given birth. It was easier to recall the times growing up when he’d bullied and beaten up on his younger brother. Then, later, when they were in school, the times he had stood behind Kiel and defended him against those who tried to make hamburger out of him.
He didn’t remember his own father. His mother had told him that some men didn’t have the capacity to love others. Sam’s father was one of those men. It wasn’t his fault or hers that the man had left her alone, unmarried and pregnant. Which was why, when Michael Stark had come along and decided to take him and his mom to a different town and start a new life together, he had been relieved to finally have a real house he could live in, a man he could call dad, and later a little brother to play with.
Like all siblings, they’d had their rough moments. But as they grew older that familial love had become something more, something stronger. Dad died from a heart attack when Sam was a senior in high school. Mom passed away less than three years ago. Leaning on each other for support, both he and Kiel had attended community college and worked many part-time jobs to help pay for their tuition and books, as well as the bills. Once he earned his
A whimper escaped him. Listlessly he dropped to the ground.
Honest to God, he’d only meant to go over tonight to apologize for Sam. And to let her know what had happened to him to make him this way. Maybe deep down he had hoped she could help him find some kind of explanation or reason, because he certainly didn’t have one.
Now he realized he’d only been fooling himself. Yeah, he had intended on checking on her, to make sure she was doing okay after the crap she’d been forced to go through. And he did want to offer an apology. The explanation—well, that was a given sooner or later.
No. After they had dropped her off at her place this evening, Kiel hadn’t wanted to leave her. Now things were only made worse. Those voices inside him had demanded he go back to that old house and take her into his arms. To taste her lips with all their incredible sweetness. And then sweep her upstairs and rip that flimsy shirt and pair of shorts off of that full, firm body before laying her across her bed and plunging himself…
Oh, fuck, no.
She wouldn’t turn him away. All that warmth that had wrapped itself around his frozen soul had been her way of telling him she accepted him. Without words, without question.
So why in hell was he sitting out here in the middle of the park? Because the last vestiges of humanity inside you are saying that unless you can better her life, unless there’s some way you can make her happy, that little dream of yours will stay unfulfilled. She has a life now. She is life. Don’t be a jerk and think you can make a difference because you can’t. And you never will.
There was only one door left open to him now. The last door. Through it he needed to proceed to find his body and allow this spirit self of his to rest in peace. Sam would find the perps responsible and make them answer to justice. Then his brother would be able to grieve, the way he should have a month ago.
But why did the thought of letting her go have to hurt so goddamn much?
* * * *
Sam awoke with a start, heart pounding and sweat rolling off of his body. For a long minute he lay there amid the tangled sheets, listening. Waiting. When the scent of freshly perked coffee drifted on the air, he let himself relax.
This is the way it had been for the past month, waking up, wondering if the past few weeks had been a nightmare or reality. Wondering if his half-brother was still a walking dead man, existing in that twilight zone of dreams.
Four years separated him and Kiel. He barely remembered his stepdad taking him to the hospital to visit his mother soon after she’d given birth. It was easier to recall the times growing up when he’d bullied and beaten up on his younger brother. Then, later, when they were in school, the times he had stood behind Kiel and defended him against those who tried to make hamburger out of him.
He didn’t remember his own father. His mother had told him that some men didn’t have the capacity to love others. Sam’s father was one of those men. It wasn’t his fault or hers that the man had left her alone, unmarried and pregnant. Which was why, when Michael Stark had come along and decided to take him and his mom to a different town and start a new life together, he had been relieved to finally have a real house he could live in, a man he could call dad, and later a little brother to play with.
Like all siblings, they’d had their rough moments. But as they grew older that familial love had become something more, something stronger. Dad died from a heart attack when Sam was a senior in high school. Mom passed away less than three years ago. Leaning on each other for support, both he and Kiel had attended community college and worked many part-time jobs to help pay for their tuition and books, as well as the bills. Once he earned his
Similar Books
