Read Online Poison Shy by Stacey Madden - Free Book Online Page B

of shit mixed into root beer. I forget the ingredients but it fucks you good and hard. I saw this clip on YouTube where these dudes chug them, then barf into one of those plastic pumpkins kids use for trick-or-treating. They mix all their pukes together with a ladle and dump it on some passed-out chick like a barf bukkake. It’s fucking hilarious! This drink is the shiz, niggz.”
    I quickly scanned the bar. No black people anywhere, thank God.
    Lozowsky came over with the drinks. “You two on separate tabs?”
    â€œNah! Bug Man here’s gonna buy all my drinks tonight. We’re on a date.” She slapped and squeezed my thigh.
    Her touch set off a series of loin-centred explosions that forced me to adjust myself. I took out my wallet and robotically tossed bill after bill onto the counter like a bank clerk.
    â€œWhoa, Money Man!” Melanie said. Lozowsky stuffed the bills into his pouch. “Well, this should cover you for about a week. Cheers!” Then he was gone.
    Melanie picked up her mug with both hands and took a big gulp. Threads of amber liquid ran down the sides of her mouth and dripped onto her bare knees. “Shit, that’s harsh!” She wiped the booze off her knees with her palm, then brought her hand to her face and licked it.
    â€œThat’s your roommate’s drink of choice too, isn’t it?”
    â€œDarcy’s? How would you know that?”
    â€œI saw him order one.”
    â€œHe stole it from me. How’s your rum and Coke, sailor?”
    â€œIt’s good.”
    â€œFuck that. Get something more exciting next round. This place is, like,
known
for its cool drinks. The Bloody Paw Caesar’s got mashed-up jalapeños in it. Ice cream vodka’s not bad, but it gives me brain freeze. The best is the champagne whisky bomb, aside from the Adios Motherfucker, of course.”
    I sipped my drink. It actually wasn’t very good. I didn’t know why I’d said that. “How long have you known Darcy, anyway?”
    â€œSince first year. He lived down the hall from me in rez. Helped me write my essays a bunch of times. If it weren’t for him I probably would have flunked out. Why?”
    â€œJust figured you must be pretty good friends to decide to be roommates.”
    â€œIs someone jealous?”
    â€œNot at all, I just —”
    â€œBut yeah, he’s a cool guy. Weird, but cool. But who
isn’t
weird, you know?”
    â€œAre you weird?”
    â€œMe?” She leaned in close. Licked her lips and crossed her eyes. “I’m fucking insane!”
    We had a few drinks at the bar, then moved to a two-person booth in the corner. On the wall above our table was a giant portrait of a dead polar bear, half-buried in a glacier, the landscape a sheet of nothingness.
    Every now and then Lozowsky would approach, swinging dish rags like they were nunchucks, and take our orders with his eyes closed and his hands in his pockets.
    â€œYou kids should feel honoured,” he told us while delivering our fourth round of champagne whisky bombs. “I don’t usually wait tables. I expect a big tip.”
    â€œDo you believe that guy?” I said after he’d gone.
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    â€œI don’t know, he seems . . . I don’t know.”
    â€œViktor’s the best.”
    â€œâ€˜You kids should feel honoured.’
Kids
? Give me a break.”
    â€œWho cares?”
    â€œOkay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
    â€œYou get worked up when you drink, don’t you?”
    â€œNot usually.”
    â€œIt’s okay.” She giggled. “It’s kind of hot.”
    â€œReally?”
    â€œFuck yeah.”
    I didn’t know what to say, so I kept drinking.
    â€œI don’t normally go on dates, you know,” she said. “Like, date dates.”
    â€œNo?”
    â€œNope. When I came to university, my policy was no relationships, just