used towel," I finished, my
vocabulary inadequate for the bubble of venom that twisted my stomach.
"Janey, I never promised you anything
other than dinner and a good time," he observed, sitting back calmly with
a look of surprise pasted on his face.
"Well, you managed to keep that
promise," I answered, the bitterness of the truth making it difficult to
get the words out. "So now I'm just another notch on your belt?"
"Don't be that way. I really enjoy
talking to you over coffee. Can't we still be friends?"
The gall of the man drew my inner bitch
like a magnet. "Not if you were the last fucking man on earth," I
declared, rising so abruptly I knocked over the chair. The last thing I saw of
him was his smug smiling face. He'd gotten what he wanted from me; first sex
and now my leaving him alone.
I'd been angry all day, skipped math class
and only going to music because I thought I'd be able to relax while listening
to the classical music we were studying. Unfortunately, the TA played
Stravinsky, which left me twitchy. Maybe it was the way I slammed the door, or
maybe it was because I threw my backpack on the floor and myself on the bed
that made Rihanna notice right away that I was angry when I got back to the
dorm that afternoon.
"What happened?" she asked. Given
my mood, it was a brave thing to do.
"He wants to be friends," I said,
heavy on the last word.
"Well, girlfriend, what did I tell you
about dating your professor?" I sat up quickly, ready to go across the
room and tear her hair out, but the truth of her words made me pause.
"You know," I said, defeated,
"I could almost handle it if he just kept ignoring me. But, he made a big
deal in class about moving me closer to the front so he could hear my answers,
and then he stopped by for coffee…just like none of it ever happened. And he's
not even sorry!" My voice had risen to a wail by the time I finished
speaking. Then Rihanna came over, sat on the bed with me and leaned in for a
hug.
"That stinks, Janey, but you're not
the first, and you won't be the last. The only thing to do is forget it and
move on. Pining over him is just gonna let him win."
I felt the corners of my mouth turn up for
the first time since morning. "You're right," I said. I'd botched my
first adult relationship, if you could call it that. Other girls my age had
been through similar situations half a dozen times before they got to college;
I just wasn't being realistic. Then I remembered Charity's warning to be
careful, and that I'd be home for Thanksgiving break in three weeks, and
slumped.
"What now?" Rihanna asked.
"I slept with him, Ri," I said.
"I'm so ashamed of myself."
"Omigod, you're not going to go all
Molly Mormon on me, are you?"
"What? What did you call me?"
"Never mind. Listen sister, this is
the twenty-first century. You can't be stoned or burned at the stake or
whatever for sleeping with a guy when you're not a couple. As long as you make
sure you're protected, you can have sex with anyone you want for whatever
reason you think is good enough. I know girls who make it a point never to
sleep with a guy twice, and they get laid every weekend. Get over yourself."
"Ri," I started, my eyes wide,
but she cut me off.
"No, not me. But I've had a few
flings, and nothing bad has happened. Think of it as recreation, you'll be
happier."
I wasn't sure I could do that, but I had to
admit it would solve my current problem if I could reframe my attitude. Instead
of being pathetic for having sex with a known player on the first date, I was a
sophisticated woman of the world who knew what she wanted. Yeah, that was it.
Okay, it was going to take some work.
CHAPTER SIX
My sweet red CRV made the drive to the
ranch through a snowstorm easy, if not fun. I called from the highway that I
was almost there, and when I pulled into the parking area, I could see Janet
holding Gracie up to the windowed part of the kitchen door to wave at me.
Leaving my luggage in the car, I ran to them and snatched
vocabulary inadequate for the bubble of venom that twisted my stomach.
"Janey, I never promised you anything
other than dinner and a good time," he observed, sitting back calmly with
a look of surprise pasted on his face.
"Well, you managed to keep that
promise," I answered, the bitterness of the truth making it difficult to
get the words out. "So now I'm just another notch on your belt?"
"Don't be that way. I really enjoy
talking to you over coffee. Can't we still be friends?"
The gall of the man drew my inner bitch
like a magnet. "Not if you were the last fucking man on earth," I
declared, rising so abruptly I knocked over the chair. The last thing I saw of
him was his smug smiling face. He'd gotten what he wanted from me; first sex
and now my leaving him alone.
I'd been angry all day, skipped math class
and only going to music because I thought I'd be able to relax while listening
to the classical music we were studying. Unfortunately, the TA played
Stravinsky, which left me twitchy. Maybe it was the way I slammed the door, or
maybe it was because I threw my backpack on the floor and myself on the bed
that made Rihanna notice right away that I was angry when I got back to the
dorm that afternoon.
"What happened?" she asked. Given
my mood, it was a brave thing to do.
"He wants to be friends," I said,
heavy on the last word.
"Well, girlfriend, what did I tell you
about dating your professor?" I sat up quickly, ready to go across the
room and tear her hair out, but the truth of her words made me pause.
"You know," I said, defeated,
"I could almost handle it if he just kept ignoring me. But, he made a big
deal in class about moving me closer to the front so he could hear my answers,
and then he stopped by for coffee…just like none of it ever happened. And he's
not even sorry!" My voice had risen to a wail by the time I finished
speaking. Then Rihanna came over, sat on the bed with me and leaned in for a
hug.
"That stinks, Janey, but you're not
the first, and you won't be the last. The only thing to do is forget it and
move on. Pining over him is just gonna let him win."
I felt the corners of my mouth turn up for
the first time since morning. "You're right," I said. I'd botched my
first adult relationship, if you could call it that. Other girls my age had
been through similar situations half a dozen times before they got to college;
I just wasn't being realistic. Then I remembered Charity's warning to be
careful, and that I'd be home for Thanksgiving break in three weeks, and
slumped.
"What now?" Rihanna asked.
"I slept with him, Ri," I said.
"I'm so ashamed of myself."
"Omigod, you're not going to go all
Molly Mormon on me, are you?"
"What? What did you call me?"
"Never mind. Listen sister, this is
the twenty-first century. You can't be stoned or burned at the stake or
whatever for sleeping with a guy when you're not a couple. As long as you make
sure you're protected, you can have sex with anyone you want for whatever
reason you think is good enough. I know girls who make it a point never to
sleep with a guy twice, and they get laid every weekend. Get over yourself."
"Ri," I started, my eyes wide,
but she cut me off.
"No, not me. But I've had a few
flings, and nothing bad has happened. Think of it as recreation, you'll be
happier."
I wasn't sure I could do that, but I had to
admit it would solve my current problem if I could reframe my attitude. Instead
of being pathetic for having sex with a known player on the first date, I was a
sophisticated woman of the world who knew what she wanted. Yeah, that was it.
Okay, it was going to take some work.
CHAPTER SIX
My sweet red CRV made the drive to the
ranch through a snowstorm easy, if not fun. I called from the highway that I
was almost there, and when I pulled into the parking area, I could see Janet
holding Gracie up to the windowed part of the kitchen door to wave at me.
Leaving my luggage in the car, I ran to them and snatched
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