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Authors: Amber Garza
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about.”
“Yeah, I know. And why is that?” I growl. “Why would you stay with him?” Before I can stop myself, I grab her arm.
“That’s none of your business.” She pulls away from me.
Footsteps sound on the walkway outside. My heart freezes. “I’ve gotta warn my mom about Josh.”
Emmy’s face softens. “I didn’t know your mom was coming to dinner.”
I shrug. It’s not the admission I want. She doesn’t get it. “I guess she’ll have to get used to being around him.”
She nods. Clearly she thinks I’ve resigned myself to the fact that she wants to be with Josh; that she’s chosen him. But that’s not the case. Even if Emmy and I can’t be together, I’ll never be okay with her relationship with Josh.
“You know, since we play ball together,” I add. Then I step around Emmy and open the door to greet my mom.
EMMY
I thought it would be easier if Josh were here.
It isn’t.
If anything, it’s worse. But when I found out Christian was on his way, I panicked. I wasn’t sure how I’d face him all evening. Our kiss is all I can think about. It fills my head day and night, desire burning me up. I’ve tried everything to eradicate him from my mind, but nothing works. Not even kissing Josh. Every time I press my lips to his, its Christian’s lips I imagine. Then I feel ashamed and dirty. Sometimes I wonder if Josh knows; if he can see right through me. But when I look into his eyes, I can tell he doesn’t suspect a thing. Why should he?
I’m not exactly the cheating type. I’m the follower. The good girl. The one who goes with the flow. Besides, Josh thinks he’s god’s gift to women and that I worship the ground he walks on. Which I guess is my fault, since I have for most of our relationship. I’ve overlooked so many things I probably shouldn’t have, and it would appear that I’m doing the same thing now. Only I know better. I’m only with him to protect my heart from the one person I truly want.
But whenever I’m in Christian’s presence I want to abandon my plan. I want to dump Josh and throw myself into Christian’s arms. However, that can never happen. Mainly because Christian doesn’t want me that way. Not that it matters. Even if he did, it would never work out.
Christian is part of our family.
And our kiss is screwing things up. I can feel the tension between Christian and me like a tangible thing, and I worry that everyone can pick up on it. But no one else seems to notice. When I bump into Christian in the hallway before dinner, the anger on his face cuts to my heart. I think I see jealousy painted across his features. As hard as I try to fight it, hope arises, my heart skipping a beat.
But then he mentions his mom and I feel like crap. Of course this isn’t about me. It’s about Olivia. I should’ve known. Christian’s dislike of Josh runs deeper than me. It runs deeper than all of us.
I never would’ve invited Josh tonight if I knew Olivia was coming. I try to explain this to Christian, but he’s still angry. And I don’t blame him. It’s not uncommon for Olivia to come to dinner. Olivia and Christian eat here all of the time. Therefore, I should have asked. Perhaps I should have assumed, but I wasn’t thinking. I was desperate, so I reacted. Not that I can say any of that aloud. I can’t admit any of it.
My only option is to endure this night the best I can. As I trek into the family room to retrieve Josh, I find myself wishing I had magical powers that could make this entire night disappear. Then again, if I’m wishing for superpowers, maybe I should wish for something bigger. Like to go back in time and make my kiss with Christian disappear.
My heart squeezes at the thought, and I realize I don’t want that. I should want that. God knows I should. But I don’t. Even if it can never happen again, I don’t regret it.
And that makes me feel even worse.
Guilt riddling me, I approach Josh. He and Cal are involved in some kind of
“Yeah, I know. And why is that?” I growl. “Why would you stay with him?” Before I can stop myself, I grab her arm.
“That’s none of your business.” She pulls away from me.
Footsteps sound on the walkway outside. My heart freezes. “I’ve gotta warn my mom about Josh.”
Emmy’s face softens. “I didn’t know your mom was coming to dinner.”
I shrug. It’s not the admission I want. She doesn’t get it. “I guess she’ll have to get used to being around him.”
She nods. Clearly she thinks I’ve resigned myself to the fact that she wants to be with Josh; that she’s chosen him. But that’s not the case. Even if Emmy and I can’t be together, I’ll never be okay with her relationship with Josh.
“You know, since we play ball together,” I add. Then I step around Emmy and open the door to greet my mom.
EMMY
I thought it would be easier if Josh were here.
It isn’t.
If anything, it’s worse. But when I found out Christian was on his way, I panicked. I wasn’t sure how I’d face him all evening. Our kiss is all I can think about. It fills my head day and night, desire burning me up. I’ve tried everything to eradicate him from my mind, but nothing works. Not even kissing Josh. Every time I press my lips to his, its Christian’s lips I imagine. Then I feel ashamed and dirty. Sometimes I wonder if Josh knows; if he can see right through me. But when I look into his eyes, I can tell he doesn’t suspect a thing. Why should he?
I’m not exactly the cheating type. I’m the follower. The good girl. The one who goes with the flow. Besides, Josh thinks he’s god’s gift to women and that I worship the ground he walks on. Which I guess is my fault, since I have for most of our relationship. I’ve overlooked so many things I probably shouldn’t have, and it would appear that I’m doing the same thing now. Only I know better. I’m only with him to protect my heart from the one person I truly want.
But whenever I’m in Christian’s presence I want to abandon my plan. I want to dump Josh and throw myself into Christian’s arms. However, that can never happen. Mainly because Christian doesn’t want me that way. Not that it matters. Even if he did, it would never work out.
Christian is part of our family.
And our kiss is screwing things up. I can feel the tension between Christian and me like a tangible thing, and I worry that everyone can pick up on it. But no one else seems to notice. When I bump into Christian in the hallway before dinner, the anger on his face cuts to my heart. I think I see jealousy painted across his features. As hard as I try to fight it, hope arises, my heart skipping a beat.
But then he mentions his mom and I feel like crap. Of course this isn’t about me. It’s about Olivia. I should’ve known. Christian’s dislike of Josh runs deeper than me. It runs deeper than all of us.
I never would’ve invited Josh tonight if I knew Olivia was coming. I try to explain this to Christian, but he’s still angry. And I don’t blame him. It’s not uncommon for Olivia to come to dinner. Olivia and Christian eat here all of the time. Therefore, I should have asked. Perhaps I should have assumed, but I wasn’t thinking. I was desperate, so I reacted. Not that I can say any of that aloud. I can’t admit any of it.
My only option is to endure this night the best I can. As I trek into the family room to retrieve Josh, I find myself wishing I had magical powers that could make this entire night disappear. Then again, if I’m wishing for superpowers, maybe I should wish for something bigger. Like to go back in time and make my kiss with Christian disappear.
My heart squeezes at the thought, and I realize I don’t want that. I should want that. God knows I should. But I don’t. Even if it can never happen again, I don’t regret it.
And that makes me feel even worse.
Guilt riddling me, I approach Josh. He and Cal are involved in some kind of
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