Read Online Pipsqueak by Brian M. Wiprud - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Brian M. Wiprud
Tags: Fiction
Ads: Link
audience and met with mediocre reviews. Lew Bookerman was never interviewed regarding the style and content of his show. Recent e-mail from production staff indicates that Bookerman was a Russian émigré who claimed to have credentials as a puppeteer from a Soviet circus. The show was canceled in favor of comparable and more economical syndicated programming (
Banana Splits
). Lew Bookerman’s last known residence was in Illinois, where he owned a holistic healing shop and a line of health foods.
No video on file.
Chapter 10
A ngie was arguing with the phone when I got home.
“Peter, darling, this doesn’t make any sense!” She pulled the phone from her head and gnashed her teeth at Otto.
“Very nice! Yan-gie face like Fred.” Otto glanced up from grooming the lion’s mane. “Ah, Garv, Fred, he’s lookink, yes? I careful very brush all to nice.”
“You need an argon atmosphere to solder titanium, Peter. . . . Well, that kind of solder on titanium is crappy workmanship. You want the platinum beads popping off Madeline’s ears into the champagne at the Savoy Revue benefit next week?” Angie aimed a withering “Peter” sneer my way. “What I’m trying to say is that unless you want to contract Lockheed to solder the beads, it’s got to be cold connections. How do you feel about rivets?” Angie clenched a fist of her hair and squinted at the ceiling. “No, Peter, I don’t know anybody at Lockheed.”
I slipped behind the soda bar, checked the answering machine, and obeyed the wink of my blinking diode. At the same time, I obeyed the need for a cup of coffee from the Krups.
“Guess what, Gawth? I did it! I proposed to Carmela right there where she works, at the DMV lunchroom. Said yes. And Gawth? I got a call back from Vito. He’s playing a swing set at the Gotham Club tonight. What say we do the foursome celebration tonight? Nine-ish.”
Beeep!
“Mr. Carson, this is Janine Wilson at Warner’s. Do you have any more snakes? Kevin O’Brien—our director—he wants some more snakes. Please give me a call ASAP. It’s about nine-ten A . M .”
Beeep!
“Oh, forgot to mention. It’s dress-up night at Gotham. Vintage duds, you know? See ya.”
Beeep!
“Hi, Mr. Carson, Janine Wilson again. Kevin wanted me to ask about any other reptiles you might have. Like lizards, big lizards? It’s about nine thirty-five A . M .”
Beeep!
“Mr. Carson, this is Cat Taylor calling from Kenzie Taxidermy Supply? About your recent order? The Sal Soda, horn stain, magnesium carbonate, Permatex, cedar oil, and Sculp Stix are on their way, but we’re back-ordered on the bird tongues and beaver teeth. They should come in in the next week or so. Just to let you know.”
Beeep!
“Professor! It’s Stuart, Sharp’s Antiques. Look, I just came across the most gawd-awful thing, thought you might want it. It’s like I dunno what. A giant weevil? Stands about two feet high on a square of wood. Ugly. But weird. Thought maybe you should come up here and have a look at it. Also have some kind of bone thing. Dunno what that is, either. Ugly. Gimme a call.”
Beeep!
“Hello, this is Stage & Set Marketplace calling to see if you want to renew your ad. Call Andy Poole. Thanks.”
I dialed up the customer first and told Janine what I have in the way of reptiles.
“Four-foot spectacled caiman (like an alligator), alligator heads, a crocodile skull, an anaconda skin about twelve feet long and mounted on a board, eighty-pound snapping turtle in a glass case, a three-foot monitor lizard on a Crea-Stone rock, a couple of garden-variety freestanding iguanas, four or five striking rattlers. That’s off the top of my head, of course. I could fax a complete list.”
“Uh, no time. Just bring over your three biggest lizards and three biggest snakes. Any live tarantulas?”
“No live stuff. But I have a friend, Pete Durban, who wrangles tarantulas.”
“Yeah, we lost him. A camera dolly squished one of his bugs and he
Banana Splits
). Lew Bookerman’s last known residence was in Illinois, where he owned a holistic healing shop and a line of health foods.
No video on file.
Chapter 10
A ngie was arguing with the phone when I got home.
“Peter, darling, this doesn’t make any sense!” She pulled the phone from her head and gnashed her teeth at Otto.
“Very nice! Yan-gie face like Fred.” Otto glanced up from grooming the lion’s mane. “Ah, Garv, Fred, he’s lookink, yes? I careful very brush all to nice.”
“You need an argon atmosphere to solder titanium, Peter. . . . Well, that kind of solder on titanium is crappy workmanship. You want the platinum beads popping off Madeline’s ears into the champagne at the Savoy Revue benefit next week?” Angie aimed a withering “Peter” sneer my way. “What I’m trying to say is that unless you want to contract Lockheed to solder the beads, it’s got to be cold connections. How do you feel about rivets?” Angie clenched a fist of her hair and squinted at the ceiling. “No, Peter, I don’t know anybody at Lockheed.”
I slipped behind the soda bar, checked the answering machine, and obeyed the wink of my blinking diode. At the same time, I obeyed the need for a cup of coffee from the Krups.
“Guess what, Gawth? I did it! I proposed to Carmela right there where she works, at the DMV lunchroom. Said yes. And Gawth? I got a call back from Vito. He’s playing a swing set at the Gotham Club tonight. What say we do the foursome celebration tonight? Nine-ish.”
Beeep!
“Mr. Carson, this is Janine Wilson at Warner’s. Do you have any more snakes? Kevin O’Brien—our director—he wants some more snakes. Please give me a call ASAP. It’s about nine-ten A . M .”
Beeep!
“Oh, forgot to mention. It’s dress-up night at Gotham. Vintage duds, you know? See ya.”
Beeep!
“Hi, Mr. Carson, Janine Wilson again. Kevin wanted me to ask about any other reptiles you might have. Like lizards, big lizards? It’s about nine thirty-five A . M .”
Beeep!
“Mr. Carson, this is Cat Taylor calling from Kenzie Taxidermy Supply? About your recent order? The Sal Soda, horn stain, magnesium carbonate, Permatex, cedar oil, and Sculp Stix are on their way, but we’re back-ordered on the bird tongues and beaver teeth. They should come in in the next week or so. Just to let you know.”
Beeep!
“Professor! It’s Stuart, Sharp’s Antiques. Look, I just came across the most gawd-awful thing, thought you might want it. It’s like I dunno what. A giant weevil? Stands about two feet high on a square of wood. Ugly. But weird. Thought maybe you should come up here and have a look at it. Also have some kind of bone thing. Dunno what that is, either. Ugly. Gimme a call.”
Beeep!
“Hello, this is Stage & Set Marketplace calling to see if you want to renew your ad. Call Andy Poole. Thanks.”
I dialed up the customer first and told Janine what I have in the way of reptiles.
“Four-foot spectacled caiman (like an alligator), alligator heads, a crocodile skull, an anaconda skin about twelve feet long and mounted on a board, eighty-pound snapping turtle in a glass case, a three-foot monitor lizard on a Crea-Stone rock, a couple of garden-variety freestanding iguanas, four or five striking rattlers. That’s off the top of my head, of course. I could fax a complete list.”
“Uh, no time. Just bring over your three biggest lizards and three biggest snakes. Any live tarantulas?”
“No live stuff. But I have a friend, Pete Durban, who wrangles tarantulas.”
“Yeah, we lost him. A camera dolly squished one of his bugs and he
Similar Books
