innocence.
“You know what,” I say through clenched teeth. “What are they doing here?”
“Beck asked me what I was doing today. When I told him, he asked if he could join us. I said sure, I mean, I didn’t think you would mind. Then he suggested bringing Holden along so he didn’t feel like the third wheel.”
“Like he would really be the third wheel in that scenario,” I scoff. “So what is this? Like a double date?”
“Well—”
“Olivia,” I groan.
Of course she has no idea why this is a bad thing—it's not like I've been forthcoming with those details of my life. But I still feel like this is some sort of betrayal even if it's not exactly her fault. I'm sure most girls would love to be on an impromptu date with Holden Whitmore—judging by the reaction of the girls I’ve observed on campus anyway. I'm just not one of them.
“It’ll be fine, I swear! It might even be kind of fun. I mean, Holden is pretty cute.”
“I told you, I’m not interested. And besides, I think he has a girlfriend.”
“He doesn't.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“I might have asked,” she admits guiltily.
“Who's Meredith then?”
“His ex-girlfriend. But she's long gone. Completely out of the picture so he's totally available.”
“Olivia! I just told you, I'm not interested,” I repeat.
“Oh c'mon! Take one for the team then,” she pleads.
I glance over her shoulder and see that the guys are trying to eavesdrop on our private exchange and aren't doing a very good job at hiding it.
“Whose team?” I hiss through my teeth.
“Mine! I really like Beck,” she whispers. She looks like she's on the verge of pouting. “I was just so excited that he asked me out that I wasn’t thinking about how it would make you feel. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”
Yes, she should have. But it's obvious that she really wants to hang out with Beck. I could throw a fit and demand that she take me home right now since I feel like she lured me here under false pretenses. But then I think about what just happened at the car.
It's pretty apparent she knew I was panicking but instead of calling me out on it, she let me get a hold of myself privately. She's proving to be a much better friend than I deserve.
“Fine. But this is not a date and Holden better be fully aware of that fact.”
She perks right back up and gives me a beaming smile. “Got it.”
“You owe me big for this.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you times infinity! I will be forever in your debt,” Olivia promises.
I know that this isn't a real date, that it's just the result of bad judgment on Olivia's part. But it still feels like a date and the thought of going on a date with anyone but Sean feels all sorts of wrong. Just thinking about Sean makes my stomach churn uncomfortably. Even though I know it's ridiculous, it still feels like I'm cheating on him or something. If I'm totally honest, a part of me is still waiting for him to call me or show up at my house with roses or some other grand gesture and tell me it was all a mistake—that it didn't really happen. But I know that will never happen. I lost all hope that this hole in my chest was ever going to go away a long time ago.
I'm just going to have to take matters into my own
“You know what,” I say through clenched teeth. “What are they doing here?”
“Beck asked me what I was doing today. When I told him, he asked if he could join us. I said sure, I mean, I didn’t think you would mind. Then he suggested bringing Holden along so he didn’t feel like the third wheel.”
“Like he would really be the third wheel in that scenario,” I scoff. “So what is this? Like a double date?”
“Well—”
“Olivia,” I groan.
Of course she has no idea why this is a bad thing—it's not like I've been forthcoming with those details of my life. But I still feel like this is some sort of betrayal even if it's not exactly her fault. I'm sure most girls would love to be on an impromptu date with Holden Whitmore—judging by the reaction of the girls I’ve observed on campus anyway. I'm just not one of them.
“It’ll be fine, I swear! It might even be kind of fun. I mean, Holden is pretty cute.”
“I told you, I’m not interested. And besides, I think he has a girlfriend.”
“He doesn't.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“I might have asked,” she admits guiltily.
“Who's Meredith then?”
“His ex-girlfriend. But she's long gone. Completely out of the picture so he's totally available.”
“Olivia! I just told you, I'm not interested,” I repeat.
“Oh c'mon! Take one for the team then,” she pleads.
I glance over her shoulder and see that the guys are trying to eavesdrop on our private exchange and aren't doing a very good job at hiding it.
“Whose team?” I hiss through my teeth.
“Mine! I really like Beck,” she whispers. She looks like she's on the verge of pouting. “I was just so excited that he asked me out that I wasn’t thinking about how it would make you feel. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”
Yes, she should have. But it's obvious that she really wants to hang out with Beck. I could throw a fit and demand that she take me home right now since I feel like she lured me here under false pretenses. But then I think about what just happened at the car.
It's pretty apparent she knew I was panicking but instead of calling me out on it, she let me get a hold of myself privately. She's proving to be a much better friend than I deserve.
“Fine. But this is not a date and Holden better be fully aware of that fact.”
She perks right back up and gives me a beaming smile. “Got it.”
“You owe me big for this.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you times infinity! I will be forever in your debt,” Olivia promises.
I know that this isn't a real date, that it's just the result of bad judgment on Olivia's part. But it still feels like a date and the thought of going on a date with anyone but Sean feels all sorts of wrong. Just thinking about Sean makes my stomach churn uncomfortably. Even though I know it's ridiculous, it still feels like I'm cheating on him or something. If I'm totally honest, a part of me is still waiting for him to call me or show up at my house with roses or some other grand gesture and tell me it was all a mistake—that it didn't really happen. But I know that will never happen. I lost all hope that this hole in my chest was ever going to go away a long time ago.
I'm just going to have to take matters into my own
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