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Authors: Kate Edwards
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my mother and me. She continued to be depressed after my father died and was not pleasant to live with. I found solace in the bible everyday after hearing my mother cry endlessly in the bathroom almost every other night. We barely talked to each other.
We attended church every Sunday after my father’s death. Mass kept me sane throughout my teenage years. It taught me to fight off temptation as I went through puberty—boy did it help. Every night I woke up and my panties would be soaking wet. I didn’t remember most of my dreams, which was strange. Occasionally, one would fight through the cavernous reaches of my brain and bubble to the top. I remember a crazy dream, where this boy named Tommy, who I knew in my biology class, was giving me a back rub. In the dream he slowly moved his hand down my white silk shirt, cupping my breast and trying to arouse my nipple with his thumb, lightly circling my aureola, then softly flicking my erect nipple. I wanted to fight off his advances, but the skin around the nipple of a girl my age is so soft, so tender, and so sensitive to the smallest touch, that it becomes very difficult maintaining self control. That was such a crazy dream. I didn’t look at Tommy the same way after that dream. I refused to talk to him. I refused to ever make eye contact with his beautiful, sharp brown eyes. The temptation was maddening. The good book helped me not act on my impulses, I resisted Tommy. I felt guilty for having such a dream but there was an incident that tempted to break my oath and dedication to the Lord more than ever and I continue to carry its burden to this very day.
Chapter Two
One nigh t, during my senior year in high school, I was invited to a party, which was at this girl Chrissy’s house. I was never really into partying. I knew many of my peers would go to these get-togethers to drink, make out, or have sex. Despite my hesitation, since I knew how much of a slut Chrissy was at the time, I decided to go because my best friend Gloria didn’t want to go by herself, and she also begged me.
Gloria is half Indian and half white. She is exotically gorgeous. She has these beautifully shaped thick eyebrows, that hang over her large almond shaped eyes. She has long, voluminous, bouncy black hair and wicked fashion sense. She was on the track team, so she had a set of stunning legs, but had smaller breasts, unlike me. Even though we were both considered attractive by our fellow classmates, we were always seen as good girls who were obsessively focused on their future and who didn’t let boys get in the way of their ambition or families. By my 18 th birthday, while everyone already had their minds made up on which college or career they would pursue, I had already made my mind up that I was going to join the convent right after graduation. I was dead set on giving up my life to serve God and God only. The Lord had done so much for me with the loss of my dad and all.
Gloria had a little rebellious streak in her, but she was still a virgin at the time. The worst thing she had ever done was get rubbed by her boyfriend Max, who she had known since the 4 th grade. They had recently broken up and she was a free girl for the first time in her post-adolescent life. I remember Gloria asking me about going to the party during lunch on a balmy Friday afternoon. In her typical bubbly self she asked, “Hey, guess what? Chrissy’s having a party tonight, you want to go?”
“ Chrissy? Umm...what kind of party is it going to be?” I asked, in a cautious tone.
“ Look, I know she’s kinda wild, but Terrence told me it’ll be pretty chill. Everyone’s going.”
“ Will there be drugs and alcohol?”
“ I don’t know about drugs, but there will certainly be booze—stop being such a prude, Jessie! Just go and be cool for once in your life. No one’s forcing you into an orgy or anything,” Gloria said, chuckling to herself.
“ Fine, but neither of us will get drunk or leave
We attended church every Sunday after my father’s death. Mass kept me sane throughout my teenage years. It taught me to fight off temptation as I went through puberty—boy did it help. Every night I woke up and my panties would be soaking wet. I didn’t remember most of my dreams, which was strange. Occasionally, one would fight through the cavernous reaches of my brain and bubble to the top. I remember a crazy dream, where this boy named Tommy, who I knew in my biology class, was giving me a back rub. In the dream he slowly moved his hand down my white silk shirt, cupping my breast and trying to arouse my nipple with his thumb, lightly circling my aureola, then softly flicking my erect nipple. I wanted to fight off his advances, but the skin around the nipple of a girl my age is so soft, so tender, and so sensitive to the smallest touch, that it becomes very difficult maintaining self control. That was such a crazy dream. I didn’t look at Tommy the same way after that dream. I refused to talk to him. I refused to ever make eye contact with his beautiful, sharp brown eyes. The temptation was maddening. The good book helped me not act on my impulses, I resisted Tommy. I felt guilty for having such a dream but there was an incident that tempted to break my oath and dedication to the Lord more than ever and I continue to carry its burden to this very day.
Chapter Two
One nigh t, during my senior year in high school, I was invited to a party, which was at this girl Chrissy’s house. I was never really into partying. I knew many of my peers would go to these get-togethers to drink, make out, or have sex. Despite my hesitation, since I knew how much of a slut Chrissy was at the time, I decided to go because my best friend Gloria didn’t want to go by herself, and she also begged me.
Gloria is half Indian and half white. She is exotically gorgeous. She has these beautifully shaped thick eyebrows, that hang over her large almond shaped eyes. She has long, voluminous, bouncy black hair and wicked fashion sense. She was on the track team, so she had a set of stunning legs, but had smaller breasts, unlike me. Even though we were both considered attractive by our fellow classmates, we were always seen as good girls who were obsessively focused on their future and who didn’t let boys get in the way of their ambition or families. By my 18 th birthday, while everyone already had their minds made up on which college or career they would pursue, I had already made my mind up that I was going to join the convent right after graduation. I was dead set on giving up my life to serve God and God only. The Lord had done so much for me with the loss of my dad and all.
Gloria had a little rebellious streak in her, but she was still a virgin at the time. The worst thing she had ever done was get rubbed by her boyfriend Max, who she had known since the 4 th grade. They had recently broken up and she was a free girl for the first time in her post-adolescent life. I remember Gloria asking me about going to the party during lunch on a balmy Friday afternoon. In her typical bubbly self she asked, “Hey, guess what? Chrissy’s having a party tonight, you want to go?”
“ Chrissy? Umm...what kind of party is it going to be?” I asked, in a cautious tone.
“ Look, I know she’s kinda wild, but Terrence told me it’ll be pretty chill. Everyone’s going.”
“ Will there be drugs and alcohol?”
“ I don’t know about drugs, but there will certainly be booze—stop being such a prude, Jessie! Just go and be cool for once in your life. No one’s forcing you into an orgy or anything,” Gloria said, chuckling to herself.
“ Fine, but neither of us will get drunk or leave
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