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Authors: Megan McCafferty
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thriving wild donkey population!"
"Oh, no," Jessica says.
"Oh yeah. And I'm freaking out, Jess, just like the Pickle Girl on Maury Povich. Wild donkeys are to St.
John what pigeons are to the city, only they have a tendency to mount each other during beachfront wedding ceremonies. There are packs of fornicating donkeys all over this island."
Jessica has to cover her open ear to block out the ruckus being made by the Tristate Chapter of the Barry Manilow International Fan Club. They have made a
collective decision to shut off their cell phones and are now loudly debating their options for recompense.
"The locals say that wild donkeys are highly perceptive creatures, very in tune with other animals'
emotions. So they, like any human wedding guest, get so caught up in the display of love between bride and groom that they are driven by instinct to mate right there on the sand."
The volume has suddenly dropped in the BMIFC's discussion. They turn in Jessica's direction, give her a big thumbs-up and exaggerated winks.
"At first Percy and Bridget were all for it, like, Let them do their thing, make it a wedding that no one will ever forget," Hope continues. "Until they actually saw a pack of wild donkeys going at it as the backdrop to some other couple's wedding. I mean, have you ever seen two wild donkeys going at it? The male donkey is swinging one heckuva meatbat. It's very disturbing even for someone without my, you know, problem."
It begins hushed and hesitant.
You ... know ... /...
Then gets louder, more confident.
Can't smile without you ...
"The only way to stop two wild donkeys from humping—" Hope breaks off. "Am I hearing things, or are there people singing in the background?"
"I'm on line behind twenty disgruntled members of the Tristate Chapter of the Barry Manilow International Fan Club," Jessica replies matter-of-factly. "And they have apparently decided to stage a sing-in."
"Are you making this up?" Hope asks.
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Conv erter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
Jessica holds her phone out toward the voices, which spurs the protestors to sing even louder and more off-key. CAN'T SMILE WITHOUT YOU. CAN'T SMILE
WITHOUT YOU.
Jessica says, "Now hold out your phone so I can hear the sound of wild donkeys humping."
"No way! I'm safe in my room right now. I'm not going out there to court the attention of lusty donkeys."
"How can I know your story is both strange and true?"
"You'll just have to trust me."
/ do, thinks Jessica. More than anyone. "I better go," she says instead. "I'm having trouble hearing you, and my phone is on borrowed time because I think I packed
my charger in my checked luggage."
"So what should I tell Bridget and Percy?" Hope asks.
Jessica can tell from Hope's serious shift in tone that she was specifically instructed by Bridget and Percy to find out if they need to book the local guy. "Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"Tell them I'll do everything in my power to get out of here today," Jessica says with resignation. "But in all likelihood, I won't get down there until tomorrow afternoon."
Jessica doesn't elaborate on the consequences of an afternoon arrival. Hope understands.
"You'll be here soon enough," Hope replies with forced cheer. "And I've somehow managed to take many donkey-free pictures, so you'll feel like you didn't miss anything. You'll feel like you were here the whole time."
But I'm not, thinks Jessica as she shuts off her cell. I'm not.
The phone is barely back in the bag before Jessica is debriefing herself on why she never got around to mentioning Marcus. Perhaps she's worried that this
accidental omission will turn into a conspicuous one—the kind that has caused problems in the past. But she quickly dismisses the notion as absurd. There was never the right moment to bring it up. And besides, it was a run-in, not a reunion. "Accident" is a more accurate description, and it was over almost as soon as it started. What happened with
"Oh, no," Jessica says.
"Oh yeah. And I'm freaking out, Jess, just like the Pickle Girl on Maury Povich. Wild donkeys are to St.
John what pigeons are to the city, only they have a tendency to mount each other during beachfront wedding ceremonies. There are packs of fornicating donkeys all over this island."
Jessica has to cover her open ear to block out the ruckus being made by the Tristate Chapter of the Barry Manilow International Fan Club. They have made a
collective decision to shut off their cell phones and are now loudly debating their options for recompense.
"The locals say that wild donkeys are highly perceptive creatures, very in tune with other animals'
emotions. So they, like any human wedding guest, get so caught up in the display of love between bride and groom that they are driven by instinct to mate right there on the sand."
The volume has suddenly dropped in the BMIFC's discussion. They turn in Jessica's direction, give her a big thumbs-up and exaggerated winks.
"At first Percy and Bridget were all for it, like, Let them do their thing, make it a wedding that no one will ever forget," Hope continues. "Until they actually saw a pack of wild donkeys going at it as the backdrop to some other couple's wedding. I mean, have you ever seen two wild donkeys going at it? The male donkey is swinging one heckuva meatbat. It's very disturbing even for someone without my, you know, problem."
It begins hushed and hesitant.
You ... know ... /...
Then gets louder, more confident.
Can't smile without you ...
"The only way to stop two wild donkeys from humping—" Hope breaks off. "Am I hearing things, or are there people singing in the background?"
"I'm on line behind twenty disgruntled members of the Tristate Chapter of the Barry Manilow International Fan Club," Jessica replies matter-of-factly. "And they have apparently decided to stage a sing-in."
"Are you making this up?" Hope asks.
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Conv erter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
Jessica holds her phone out toward the voices, which spurs the protestors to sing even louder and more off-key. CAN'T SMILE WITHOUT YOU. CAN'T SMILE
WITHOUT YOU.
Jessica says, "Now hold out your phone so I can hear the sound of wild donkeys humping."
"No way! I'm safe in my room right now. I'm not going out there to court the attention of lusty donkeys."
"How can I know your story is both strange and true?"
"You'll just have to trust me."
/ do, thinks Jessica. More than anyone. "I better go," she says instead. "I'm having trouble hearing you, and my phone is on borrowed time because I think I packed
my charger in my checked luggage."
"So what should I tell Bridget and Percy?" Hope asks.
Jessica can tell from Hope's serious shift in tone that she was specifically instructed by Bridget and Percy to find out if they need to book the local guy. "Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"Tell them I'll do everything in my power to get out of here today," Jessica says with resignation. "But in all likelihood, I won't get down there until tomorrow afternoon."
Jessica doesn't elaborate on the consequences of an afternoon arrival. Hope understands.
"You'll be here soon enough," Hope replies with forced cheer. "And I've somehow managed to take many donkey-free pictures, so you'll feel like you didn't miss anything. You'll feel like you were here the whole time."
But I'm not, thinks Jessica as she shuts off her cell. I'm not.
The phone is barely back in the bag before Jessica is debriefing herself on why she never got around to mentioning Marcus. Perhaps she's worried that this
accidental omission will turn into a conspicuous one—the kind that has caused problems in the past. But she quickly dismisses the notion as absurd. There was never the right moment to bring it up. And besides, it was a run-in, not a reunion. "Accident" is a more accurate description, and it was over almost as soon as it started. What happened with
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