was curled up on my armchairâso I sat on the couch. Even better, a while later I managed to get off it!
And now the ultimate test. The seat where you really like to be normal; move the frame and try . . .
I can use the toilet!
Luke's got a tray of unhappy baby betonies for Mum to inspect andâwith a bit of luckânurse back to health in her 'hospital' behind the carport. Its benches are overflowing with cuttings and seedlings again, now that she trusts me not to fall off my chair and die the instant she gets her fingers into a tub of compost. Luke comes in to say hi when he's deposited the patients, and we're talkingâactually I'm listening, and he's offering me morsels of his day: the guy who jumped to conclusions at the sight of Luke's long hair and wanted to know when to transplant marijuana seedlings; the lady who brought her cat in to help choose the right catnipâwhen Bronwyn comes in with Hayden.
A pang of guilt at not hearing him knock. It seems strange they haven't met before; I want them to like each other. Bronny leans against my shoulder, twining a foot around the leg of my chair, and we watch as they talk; they're both standing and their presence seems to fill the roomâHayden taller and restless, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he says something about doing surveying next year; Luke responding with his direct gaze and quiet intensity, the expression on his face harder to read.
'He's okay,' Hayden decides when Luke's gone, 'butâno offence to your mumâisn't that a bit of a dead-end job?'
'Not if it gives him time to work out what he really wants to do; he figures if he keeps an open mind the right thing will just turn up.'
'I don't know. He'd have been better off to finish his course and get a proper job even if he wasn't crazy about it; seems stupid to waste two years at uni and have nothing to show for it.'
It's ten in the morning. I've been reading for half an hourâas in understanding and remembering, not my usual brain-dead staring.
A break, a coffee with Mum, thumb exercises; ankle exercises; pick up the book again. Ten minutes this time, then my brain goes walkabout.
The afternoon's normalâas in back to brain-dead.
But it worked this morning. I've got to try. I've missed six weeks of school alreadyâforty minutes a day is not enough. Mr Sandberg's last visit: 'You might have to think about doing Year 12 over two years.' Push that out of my head and go on reading. Try having the radio on . . . follow the music instead of the writing. Try earplugs . . . instant mini amplifiers for the ringing in my ears.
Ignore it; concentrate; what's happened to your willpower? You've got to go on reading.
I can't see. My neck's doing its gnawed-by-a-crocodile imitation, and everything's gone black. If I sit very still I won't fall off the chair . . . I just wanted to sit here and read! Is that so much to ask? I'm not giving in!
I have to. It's that or black out.
I call Mum to help me take off my frame and go to bed.
But I tried âI really tried. I used every ounce of willpower. What am I supposed to do now?
Jenny and Costa are going out together. It's officialânot that there seems to have been any doubt in Jenny's mind since the first time she spoke to him. What's amazing is that it became official after she took him clothes shopping. The door of a dress shop acts as a sort of catalytic converter on Jenâinstant whirlwind. Any guy who could stand outside the changing room for long enough for her to try on the entire size twelve stock in the shop would have to be either in a coma or in love.
'Oh, he didn't mind.'
'He read War and Peace while he waited?'
'Very funny. He actually chose this shirt. Anyway, you have to meet him nowâit feels too weird having a boyfriend that you haven't even met!'
'What am I, the boyfriend monitor?'
'My dad's already applied for that. No, come on, why don't you call Hayden and we'll all go for
And now the ultimate test. The seat where you really like to be normal; move the frame and try . . .
I can use the toilet!
Luke's got a tray of unhappy baby betonies for Mum to inspect andâwith a bit of luckânurse back to health in her 'hospital' behind the carport. Its benches are overflowing with cuttings and seedlings again, now that she trusts me not to fall off my chair and die the instant she gets her fingers into a tub of compost. Luke comes in to say hi when he's deposited the patients, and we're talkingâactually I'm listening, and he's offering me morsels of his day: the guy who jumped to conclusions at the sight of Luke's long hair and wanted to know when to transplant marijuana seedlings; the lady who brought her cat in to help choose the right catnipâwhen Bronwyn comes in with Hayden.
A pang of guilt at not hearing him knock. It seems strange they haven't met before; I want them to like each other. Bronny leans against my shoulder, twining a foot around the leg of my chair, and we watch as they talk; they're both standing and their presence seems to fill the roomâHayden taller and restless, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he says something about doing surveying next year; Luke responding with his direct gaze and quiet intensity, the expression on his face harder to read.
'He's okay,' Hayden decides when Luke's gone, 'butâno offence to your mumâisn't that a bit of a dead-end job?'
'Not if it gives him time to work out what he really wants to do; he figures if he keeps an open mind the right thing will just turn up.'
'I don't know. He'd have been better off to finish his course and get a proper job even if he wasn't crazy about it; seems stupid to waste two years at uni and have nothing to show for it.'
It's ten in the morning. I've been reading for half an hourâas in understanding and remembering, not my usual brain-dead staring.
A break, a coffee with Mum, thumb exercises; ankle exercises; pick up the book again. Ten minutes this time, then my brain goes walkabout.
The afternoon's normalâas in back to brain-dead.
But it worked this morning. I've got to try. I've missed six weeks of school alreadyâforty minutes a day is not enough. Mr Sandberg's last visit: 'You might have to think about doing Year 12 over two years.' Push that out of my head and go on reading. Try having the radio on . . . follow the music instead of the writing. Try earplugs . . . instant mini amplifiers for the ringing in my ears.
Ignore it; concentrate; what's happened to your willpower? You've got to go on reading.
I can't see. My neck's doing its gnawed-by-a-crocodile imitation, and everything's gone black. If I sit very still I won't fall off the chair . . . I just wanted to sit here and read! Is that so much to ask? I'm not giving in!
I have to. It's that or black out.
I call Mum to help me take off my frame and go to bed.
But I tried âI really tried. I used every ounce of willpower. What am I supposed to do now?
Jenny and Costa are going out together. It's officialânot that there seems to have been any doubt in Jenny's mind since the first time she spoke to him. What's amazing is that it became official after she took him clothes shopping. The door of a dress shop acts as a sort of catalytic converter on Jenâinstant whirlwind. Any guy who could stand outside the changing room for long enough for her to try on the entire size twelve stock in the shop would have to be either in a coma or in love.
'Oh, he didn't mind.'
'He read War and Peace while he waited?'
'Very funny. He actually chose this shirt. Anyway, you have to meet him nowâit feels too weird having a boyfriend that you haven't even met!'
'What am I, the boyfriend monitor?'
'My dad's already applied for that. No, come on, why don't you call Hayden and we'll all go for
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