tried not to grimace, my face twisted. “So he
will torture me for a long time, Dominus?”
He slid his thumb down my cheek, a tender gesture that made
me feel like everything would be fine, though all evidence pointed to the
contrary.
“When you’ve reached that point,” he said, “Our love will
eradicate all the pain, leaving only pleasure and spiritual ecstasy.”
Earlier Marcus had said, “I exist only to love you.” Was it
possible that he already loved me? I knew I had developed strong feelings for
him, but love… It was too soon. And even if we were in love, how could I
believe that it held the power to conquer pain? Make it bearable, perhaps, but
not eradicate it.
In the end I was left with uncertainty about all of it, but
there was hope—fragile and uncertain—offered to me by a man I barely knew. For
now it would have to be enough.
During a break from training, we sat shoulder to shoulder on
a bench that was pushed against a wall. We each held a pewter chalice filled
with cool water. I took a long swallow and licked my lips. “Dominus, may I ask
you more questions about God and the Goddess?”
“Yes,” he said, obviously approving of the fact that I asked
for permission. “And you may speak freely.”
I cocked my head, unsure of what he meant.
“You can drop the ‘Dominus’ for now.”
I nodded. “On Earth,” I began, but he interrupted me with a
scowl.
“Don’t—”
“Please listen.”
Though guarded and apprehensive with the mention of Earth,
Marcus took a deep breath and nodded for me to continue.
“On Earth we have a natural occurring effect called the
Aurora Borealis. They are brightly colored lights in the sky and can be seen in
only a few places, but they are known for their haunting beauty.”
Marcus watched me carefully as he spoke. “That would be our
sky. And Aurora is the name of the Goddess.”
I took another drink of water. “Aurora is the name of a goddess in our ancient mythology. Boreas is the god of the north winds.” It
boggled my mind that I could I remember that, but not my own name.
Marcus leaned back until his head touched the wall behind
him. “So in your world, there are many gods?”
“Yes, many different gods.”
“Have you met any of them?”
Shaking my head, I grinned.
“Why is that funny?”
“All our gods are dead or in another dimension.” I was going
to say heaven, but I didn’t know if he would even understand the word.
“Then how do you know they’re real?”
I chuckled softly. “That’s a great question.”
With a faraway expression, Marcus focused on a torch on the
opposite wall.
“What are you thinking?”
“That you have an incredible imagination.”
“That’s right,” I groaned. “It’s all in my head. Boreas
doesn’t believe Earth exists and has no interest or way to get me there.” I
thought about that for a moment. “Or does he?”
“God tells us the other planets exist for reasons we cannot
comprehend. Why would we travel there if they cannot sustain life?”
“And you believe him?”
“Of course,” he said without hesitation.
“But, as you have said, he’s cruel and vengeful.”
“Yes, he can be, but God does not lie.”
I dropped my face in my hands, doubting my sanity. How could
this be happening to me? Maybe this was all just a long, fucked up dream.
“And,” he started tentatively, “Boreas can hear and see
everything we do and say.”
My heart thumped an extra beat. “What? Everything?” The
question was spoken in a whisper as if that would prevent Boreas from hearing
it.
“Everything.”
I thought back on all the things I and Marcus had said about
God. It had crossed my mind, the whole omniscient thing, but Marcus had spoken
so freely and negatively about his Lord and Master that I assumed we weren’t
being heard. My pulse quickened when I considered the consequences. “Are we in
trouble?”
He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “He knows you’re not
well.
will torture me for a long time, Dominus?”
He slid his thumb down my cheek, a tender gesture that made
me feel like everything would be fine, though all evidence pointed to the
contrary.
“When you’ve reached that point,” he said, “Our love will
eradicate all the pain, leaving only pleasure and spiritual ecstasy.”
Earlier Marcus had said, “I exist only to love you.” Was it
possible that he already loved me? I knew I had developed strong feelings for
him, but love… It was too soon. And even if we were in love, how could I
believe that it held the power to conquer pain? Make it bearable, perhaps, but
not eradicate it.
In the end I was left with uncertainty about all of it, but
there was hope—fragile and uncertain—offered to me by a man I barely knew. For
now it would have to be enough.
During a break from training, we sat shoulder to shoulder on
a bench that was pushed against a wall. We each held a pewter chalice filled
with cool water. I took a long swallow and licked my lips. “Dominus, may I ask
you more questions about God and the Goddess?”
“Yes,” he said, obviously approving of the fact that I asked
for permission. “And you may speak freely.”
I cocked my head, unsure of what he meant.
“You can drop the ‘Dominus’ for now.”
I nodded. “On Earth,” I began, but he interrupted me with a
scowl.
“Don’t—”
“Please listen.”
Though guarded and apprehensive with the mention of Earth,
Marcus took a deep breath and nodded for me to continue.
“On Earth we have a natural occurring effect called the
Aurora Borealis. They are brightly colored lights in the sky and can be seen in
only a few places, but they are known for their haunting beauty.”
Marcus watched me carefully as he spoke. “That would be our
sky. And Aurora is the name of the Goddess.”
I took another drink of water. “Aurora is the name of a goddess in our ancient mythology. Boreas is the god of the north winds.” It
boggled my mind that I could I remember that, but not my own name.
Marcus leaned back until his head touched the wall behind
him. “So in your world, there are many gods?”
“Yes, many different gods.”
“Have you met any of them?”
Shaking my head, I grinned.
“Why is that funny?”
“All our gods are dead or in another dimension.” I was going
to say heaven, but I didn’t know if he would even understand the word.
“Then how do you know they’re real?”
I chuckled softly. “That’s a great question.”
With a faraway expression, Marcus focused on a torch on the
opposite wall.
“What are you thinking?”
“That you have an incredible imagination.”
“That’s right,” I groaned. “It’s all in my head. Boreas
doesn’t believe Earth exists and has no interest or way to get me there.” I
thought about that for a moment. “Or does he?”
“God tells us the other planets exist for reasons we cannot
comprehend. Why would we travel there if they cannot sustain life?”
“And you believe him?”
“Of course,” he said without hesitation.
“But, as you have said, he’s cruel and vengeful.”
“Yes, he can be, but God does not lie.”
I dropped my face in my hands, doubting my sanity. How could
this be happening to me? Maybe this was all just a long, fucked up dream.
“And,” he started tentatively, “Boreas can hear and see
everything we do and say.”
My heart thumped an extra beat. “What? Everything?” The
question was spoken in a whisper as if that would prevent Boreas from hearing
it.
“Everything.”
I thought back on all the things I and Marcus had said about
God. It had crossed my mind, the whole omniscient thing, but Marcus had spoken
so freely and negatively about his Lord and Master that I assumed we weren’t
being heard. My pulse quickened when I considered the consequences. “Are we in
trouble?”
He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “He knows you’re not
well.
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