Amazon rainforest,” I whisper, looking up to see it for my own eyes. This part of the world, at least, is mine. Outside, the dark jungle looks as it always has, but I am struck by the difference I feel when I see it.
A name is a powerfulthing. It sets one apart and gives significance
. The rainforest has always been the whole of my world, but the
Amazon
—while it makes the trees and the lianas and the animals lurking behind its leaves seem special to be part of a place with a name, it also makes it feel smaller. Which is strange. After all, I’ve never seen the edge of the rainforest. If truth be told, I’ve never really been
in
the rainforest.
“If I’ve never been
in
it,” I ask Alai, “and I’ve never been
out
of it…where have I been all this time?”
In reply, I hear a knock on the door.
My heart leaps into my mouth like a monkey up a tree. I crumple up the map, not bothering to refold it in any way. Alai paces to and fro at the door and growls softly.
“Pia? Are you in there?” It’s Mother.
I hurriedly stuff the map under the bed, drag the chair aside, open the door, and try to look innocent. “Yes?”
She glances around the room. “Can I come in?”
“Oh.” My heart beats faster. “Okay.”
She brushes past me and sits on the bed. When I turn to face her, I see a corner of the map sticking out, right between her feet. I swallow and try not to stare at it. “What do you want?”
“To give you your present.” She hands me a small envelope.
Well. She is full of surprises tonight. Trying not to look too stunned, I take the envelope and open it. Inside is an old photograph of three children, two boys and a girl. I look up at her. “You and Uncle Will and Uncle Antonio?”
She nods. “It was before…”
Before the Accident. I look closer at the picture. The three of them are no older than ten, arms around each other’sshoulders and smiling. I’ve never seen a picture of them when they were young. And I’ve never seen such a smile on my mother’s face. The girl in the picture looks carefree and happy, words I would never use for my mother. I’ve always known her to be aloof and objective, the kind of scientist Uncle Paolo so prizes, which is why he has her assist on most of his experiments.
“Who’s that?” I ask, squinting at a blurry form in the background.
She takes the photo and studies it, then turns pale. “That—it’s no one.”
“What do you mean, no one?”
“It’s…your grandfather. I didn’t realize he was in the shot, or I wouldn’t have…”
I grab the photo back and stare. “My grandfather.” When I look up, I see her face is strained. “You told me he and the others of his generation left Little Cam to start lives in the outside world.”
“I did. Yes, I did.” She stands and runs her hand through her hair. “This must have been before that.”
She goes to the door, then turns back. I step sideways so my foot covers the exposed corner of the map. Mother holds out her hand. “Give it back.”
Shocked, I automatically jerk the picture away. “What?”
“Give it back. It was a stupid gift. Emotional. Paolo wouldn’t approve. I didn’t know Fa—your grandfather was in the picture.”
“It’s
mine
. You gave it to me. I’m keeping it.”
“Give it to me, Pia!” Her voice is harsh and cold.
Half disbelieving my ears, I slowly give her the photograph.Now this is the mother I know. Demanding. Stern. Though I admire her cool head in the laboratory, when we’re at home in the glass house, it can be grating. Sometimes I wish my father lived with me instead of my mother, but I’ve never told her that.
She tears it into shreds. “This party, the dancing…it wasn’t a good idea. It made me lose my head for a while. I shouldn’t have shown you that.”
I stay silent, my teeth clamped angrily shut.
She tucks the pieces of the picture in her pocket. “Good night, Pia.”
I shut the door behind her and stand there a moment, wondering
A name is a powerfulthing. It sets one apart and gives significance
. The rainforest has always been the whole of my world, but the
Amazon
—while it makes the trees and the lianas and the animals lurking behind its leaves seem special to be part of a place with a name, it also makes it feel smaller. Which is strange. After all, I’ve never seen the edge of the rainforest. If truth be told, I’ve never really been
in
the rainforest.
“If I’ve never been
in
it,” I ask Alai, “and I’ve never been
out
of it…where have I been all this time?”
In reply, I hear a knock on the door.
My heart leaps into my mouth like a monkey up a tree. I crumple up the map, not bothering to refold it in any way. Alai paces to and fro at the door and growls softly.
“Pia? Are you in there?” It’s Mother.
I hurriedly stuff the map under the bed, drag the chair aside, open the door, and try to look innocent. “Yes?”
She glances around the room. “Can I come in?”
“Oh.” My heart beats faster. “Okay.”
She brushes past me and sits on the bed. When I turn to face her, I see a corner of the map sticking out, right between her feet. I swallow and try not to stare at it. “What do you want?”
“To give you your present.” She hands me a small envelope.
Well. She is full of surprises tonight. Trying not to look too stunned, I take the envelope and open it. Inside is an old photograph of three children, two boys and a girl. I look up at her. “You and Uncle Will and Uncle Antonio?”
She nods. “It was before…”
Before the Accident. I look closer at the picture. The three of them are no older than ten, arms around each other’sshoulders and smiling. I’ve never seen a picture of them when they were young. And I’ve never seen such a smile on my mother’s face. The girl in the picture looks carefree and happy, words I would never use for my mother. I’ve always known her to be aloof and objective, the kind of scientist Uncle Paolo so prizes, which is why he has her assist on most of his experiments.
“Who’s that?” I ask, squinting at a blurry form in the background.
She takes the photo and studies it, then turns pale. “That—it’s no one.”
“What do you mean, no one?”
“It’s…your grandfather. I didn’t realize he was in the shot, or I wouldn’t have…”
I grab the photo back and stare. “My grandfather.” When I look up, I see her face is strained. “You told me he and the others of his generation left Little Cam to start lives in the outside world.”
“I did. Yes, I did.” She stands and runs her hand through her hair. “This must have been before that.”
She goes to the door, then turns back. I step sideways so my foot covers the exposed corner of the map. Mother holds out her hand. “Give it back.”
Shocked, I automatically jerk the picture away. “What?”
“Give it back. It was a stupid gift. Emotional. Paolo wouldn’t approve. I didn’t know Fa—your grandfather was in the picture.”
“It’s
mine
. You gave it to me. I’m keeping it.”
“Give it to me, Pia!” Her voice is harsh and cold.
Half disbelieving my ears, I slowly give her the photograph.Now this is the mother I know. Demanding. Stern. Though I admire her cool head in the laboratory, when we’re at home in the glass house, it can be grating. Sometimes I wish my father lived with me instead of my mother, but I’ve never told her that.
She tears it into shreds. “This party, the dancing…it wasn’t a good idea. It made me lose my head for a while. I shouldn’t have shown you that.”
I stay silent, my teeth clamped angrily shut.
She tucks the pieces of the picture in her pocket. “Good night, Pia.”
I shut the door behind her and stand there a moment, wondering
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