and lace robe
around me tightly and lit a pink candle that rested on the small
altar I kept for Erzulie in my bedroom. Maman allowed me to keep an
altar dedicated to her only because she was the spirit of love and
beauty. She figured that that the more sacrifices I made to
Erzulie, the better my chances of landing a very wealthy
protector .
“ Hello,” I whispered. “I know
you’re there. I need help. Please.” I got down on my knees and
kneeled before the tiny altar where I always kept offerings of
fresh jasmine, orange blossoms, rosewater, French perfume, thin
silver necklaces, and a tiny silver dagger. “I know you’re there
because Bobo is here,” I said, as I held the delicate white dove in
my hands. “I need your help, please. I’m scared… Please, I have
fresh jasmine for you and I can even offer some of my blood if you
like. Look here.” I grabbed the dagger and slashed my palm and
whispered.
Erzulie, strong and fierce!
Make magic for me. I offer you these
Things to eat and drink,
these beautiful objects for you.
Erzulie, strong and fierce!
Make magic for me. I offer you these
Things to eat and drink,
these beautiful objects for you.
I heard a delicate laugh. “That’s
enough. I’ve had enough blood for tonight. What are you scared of,
my child?” Erzulie kneeled beside me. Her pink satin gown was
adorned with tiny diamonds, pearls and red rubies. Her hair hung
long and loose like a thick veil and rings of thick kohl adorned
her hazel eyes. She took Bobo out of my hands and gently placed him
on her left shoulder.
I let out a giant sigh of relief. “I’m
afraid that I’m going completely insane. I’ve been thinking and the
thoughts are becoming stronger and clearer.”
She nodded in understanding. “Go
on.”
I took a deep breath. I felt a little
silly continuing because at that second I reminded myself of a
paranoid old woman confessing her sins at St. Louis Cathedral on a
Sunday morning after having spent too much time at a risqué
drinking den the night before. “The thoughts tell me that what I
see around me isn’t right because it doesn’t feel right. The only
time anything feels right is on Sundays when I’m dancing in Congo
Square and boundaries seem to disappear. Every other day it seems
as if everyone around me is living in a dream within a dream, where
life has no value. Life can’t be worth so little, can it? Yet I
dare not speak these words.”
I glanced over at Erzulie, whose tears
streamed down her face and onto her luxurious gown. “There’s
nothing wrong with you, my child. It’s the world. The world has
forgotten how to love, and what you see and what you feel is a
direct consequence of this lack of love.”
“ What can I do? I feel if I
don’t do something I’m going to explode. There’s this feeling
inside of me that’s becoming stronger and stronger.” I tried to
find the words that would perfectly express how I felt but couldn’t
seem to do so. I felt frustrated, angry and trapped, as if my life
wasn’t really my own. “I don’t want a protector. I don’t want to be
kept. I don’t want Emilie serving me... I want her to be happy.
I’ve never seen her smile, not once. I want Maman to stop crying
all the time.”
“ Then resist,” she said
simply. “Take the first step and resist against what you believe is
wrong. Don’t go tomorrow.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “What choice
do I have? I don’t have a choice, really.”
She held me tight. “You always have a
choice. Remember that.”
I fought back tears. “That’s easy for a
powerful spirit to say, but impossibly difficult for a mortal to
do.”
“ You have the spirits within
you, my child. Everyone has the spirits within them, but most
people refuse to acknowledge us. As long as you love and respect us
we will love and respect you, and you’ll never run out of
strength.”
With those words, Erzulie disappeared
and I was once again alone with my neurotic
around me tightly and lit a pink candle that rested on the small
altar I kept for Erzulie in my bedroom. Maman allowed me to keep an
altar dedicated to her only because she was the spirit of love and
beauty. She figured that that the more sacrifices I made to
Erzulie, the better my chances of landing a very wealthy
protector .
“ Hello,” I whispered. “I know
you’re there. I need help. Please.” I got down on my knees and
kneeled before the tiny altar where I always kept offerings of
fresh jasmine, orange blossoms, rosewater, French perfume, thin
silver necklaces, and a tiny silver dagger. “I know you’re there
because Bobo is here,” I said, as I held the delicate white dove in
my hands. “I need your help, please. I’m scared… Please, I have
fresh jasmine for you and I can even offer some of my blood if you
like. Look here.” I grabbed the dagger and slashed my palm and
whispered.
Erzulie, strong and fierce!
Make magic for me. I offer you these
Things to eat and drink,
these beautiful objects for you.
Erzulie, strong and fierce!
Make magic for me. I offer you these
Things to eat and drink,
these beautiful objects for you.
I heard a delicate laugh. “That’s
enough. I’ve had enough blood for tonight. What are you scared of,
my child?” Erzulie kneeled beside me. Her pink satin gown was
adorned with tiny diamonds, pearls and red rubies. Her hair hung
long and loose like a thick veil and rings of thick kohl adorned
her hazel eyes. She took Bobo out of my hands and gently placed him
on her left shoulder.
I let out a giant sigh of relief. “I’m
afraid that I’m going completely insane. I’ve been thinking and the
thoughts are becoming stronger and clearer.”
She nodded in understanding. “Go
on.”
I took a deep breath. I felt a little
silly continuing because at that second I reminded myself of a
paranoid old woman confessing her sins at St. Louis Cathedral on a
Sunday morning after having spent too much time at a risqué
drinking den the night before. “The thoughts tell me that what I
see around me isn’t right because it doesn’t feel right. The only
time anything feels right is on Sundays when I’m dancing in Congo
Square and boundaries seem to disappear. Every other day it seems
as if everyone around me is living in a dream within a dream, where
life has no value. Life can’t be worth so little, can it? Yet I
dare not speak these words.”
I glanced over at Erzulie, whose tears
streamed down her face and onto her luxurious gown. “There’s
nothing wrong with you, my child. It’s the world. The world has
forgotten how to love, and what you see and what you feel is a
direct consequence of this lack of love.”
“ What can I do? I feel if I
don’t do something I’m going to explode. There’s this feeling
inside of me that’s becoming stronger and stronger.” I tried to
find the words that would perfectly express how I felt but couldn’t
seem to do so. I felt frustrated, angry and trapped, as if my life
wasn’t really my own. “I don’t want a protector. I don’t want to be
kept. I don’t want Emilie serving me... I want her to be happy.
I’ve never seen her smile, not once. I want Maman to stop crying
all the time.”
“ Then resist,” she said
simply. “Take the first step and resist against what you believe is
wrong. Don’t go tomorrow.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “What choice
do I have? I don’t have a choice, really.”
She held me tight. “You always have a
choice. Remember that.”
I fought back tears. “That’s easy for a
powerful spirit to say, but impossibly difficult for a mortal to
do.”
“ You have the spirits within
you, my child. Everyone has the spirits within them, but most
people refuse to acknowledge us. As long as you love and respect us
we will love and respect you, and you’ll never run out of
strength.”
With those words, Erzulie disappeared
and I was once again alone with my neurotic
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