how are you on that?” My
turn to smile, said, “I’m always wired.” McCarthy
handed me his card, said,
“Call either of those numbers, let us know where
and when he goes after Fernandez.”
“Yes, sir.”
He said I could go, his whole expression saying he
didn’t believe a word of what I’d said.
As I headed out, he added,
“Your fellow cops, they’re not going to like you
giving up your partner.”
I let that hover for a moment, then said,
“Shit happens.” The black guy followed me out
into the corridor, said,
“IA isn’t the bad guys, think of us as the
housekeeping department.” I gave him the look,
said, “Back in Ireland we call them something less
flattering.” He gave me an odd look, then said in a
quiet tone,
“You and me, maybe we could have a talk
sometime, I think we might be on the same page.”
I let that sit, then said,
“You’re Internal Affairs, out to screw cops.”
He maneuvered the stick in his mouth to the other
side, said,
“Oh, I think, you know, you and I might be more
alike than you want to admit.”
I was curious, asked,
“In what way?”
He had been leaning against the wall, moved
languidly off it, said,
“Lots of shit coming down the pike, gonna be a lot
of casualties, and you and me, be nice if we came
out on top.”
I stared at him, asked, “A rat cop, you’re offering
to have … as you Yanks say, my back?”
His cell shrilled and he began to move off, said,
“Two-way street bro, time to see which way you
want to go on it.” Some guys regard a date as
rather wonderful. Me … I don’t see date … I see
prey.
— Shea, in his journal
P”!
Sliyk.
ELEVEN
I CALLED NORA THAT EVENING AND WE
WENT TO THE MOVies and dinner. After, we
were back on line, and she said,
“I missed you.”
I was delighted, in a world getting uglier by the
minute, she was the only light I could see. In bed
later, she said, “What’s eating at you?” I said,
“They want me to give up my partner, sell him
out.” She digested that, asked, “You have a
choice?” “Nope.” Then: “So will you sell him
out?” “Like fuck.” She said, “I could fall in love
with you.” Wasn’t as scary as I would have
thought, in fact, I liked it. A lot.
We were spending so much time with each other,
Nora began hinting about us maybe living together.
I had to think about that. I’d never been in love in
me life, had no idea what it was, but with Nora, I
felt, when I was with her, better than who I really
was and enjoyed things I never thought I’d enjoy,
watching her eat, her laugh, ah Jesus, she had a
great laugh, one of those reach-from-the-very-
bottom-of-the-soul ones and didn’t care how she
looked when she was doing it.
I managed to keep that swan … and Lucia …
compartmentalized … great term that, I learned it
from Dr. Phil … me … meant you could, you
know, do stuff… and carry on … regardless.
Her eyes all scrunched up, her face in spasms of
delight, I could have watched that all the day long.
And she had an edge, I don’t think I could ever
have fallen for someone who was just… nice.
I don’t do nice.
She could flay the skin off your back with her
tongue and didn’t allow me to bullshit or try me
usual shenanigans.
A Friday night, we’d had a particularly great night,
good food, great pub on West Forty-ninth Street,
and just reveling in each other’s company.
I took off me Claddagh band and offered it to her.
Her eyes were lit up like Christmas, she took it in
her hand, stared at it, asked,
“Are you sure?”
I nodded.
She put it on, the heart turned inwards, means
you’re spoken for and we both knew the
significance of that.
She put her hands to her neck, unclasped a chain
holding a Miraculous Medal.
And believe me, it doesn’t get any more Mick than
that.
I protested, “You don’t have to give me something
in return.”
Got the look and she asked,
“Did I say I felt
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